He's Impossible!

[JLady]

Agggrrrr.... I've only been home a couple of hours and my difficult child is driving me nuts! He isn't happy. We had peanut butter and crackers together. Talked about Santa. He says he isn't going to get any presents because he is too bad. I told him that isn't true. He keeps saying he is sad and the only thing that will make him happy is opening one present from under the tree. We open what is under the tree on Christmas Eve to make room for Santa. We all, my daughter, my dad and I told him we are excited and can't wait for Christmas either. He won't stop whinning! All I want to do is sit down and read TEC.

I tried to get him to go outside for a bit but he won't do that either. The only thing he wants to do is open a present! AGGG$ERRRRRRE

 

[Nancy423]

How about finding something small (and cheap) for him to open when he gets like this? Maybe you ahve a stocking stuffer item you can use??

It's not worth all the aggrivation you are going thru LOL! Before we started opening stuff on xmas eve (with- my sister and family) we used to let the kids open one gift the night before. They got to choose which gift. It actually was nice because they'd be satisfied until the next morning. Then they are allowed only to take things from their stockings until we wake up.

I think I'm a lucky one in that my difficult child is actually quite "normal" around the holidays! (Course it's all gonna change when we see her parole officer in Jan)

Happy Xmas to ya

 

[gcvmom]

I echo Nancy's idea of letting him open something small. That's where Advent calendars are great -- the kids get a little treat each day

 

[meowbunny]

I learned the hard way to not have the presents under the tree until Christmas Eve. It just wasn't worth the whines, battles and sneaking to open the presents. It really is hard for a little one to know there are presents and not be able to open them and even harder for our kids. Another vote for letting him open one now but you get to pick which present and close to bedtime. Pick something that he can play with for a short time like a board game. Don't make it something like clothes -- he'll never forgive and probably go into a rage when you won't let him open another one.

 

[JLady]

It's so frustrating. It is like difficult child controlls the entire house. We sat down for about 30 minutes and discussed Plan B from TEC. It was actually working. We compromised that when his brother gets off work tonight, we will open one gift and that to make the time go faster, he was going to build a race track for his remote control car. Worked like a charm. He asked Papa to help him and Papa said No way! Guess what! He exploded! Gotta love it! It was a lot shorter lived though. All is calm at the moment except my anxiety!

 

[SRL]

We never put any presents out early. None.

Now we don't put any out because of the difficult child cat.

 

[klmno]

Two suggestions- 1) I was told that once they are out of control, the TEC method probably won't reel them back in- unless you can get him to sit and talk to you and you have to really make an effort to listen- this is difficult- don't expect it to work tonight. 2) I really like a suggestion MB made on another thread- I don't know if you saw it- she said she used to sit with her daughter and talk about the good things she's done instead of concentrating on the bad. Maybe he could sit and think of good things and you could help him write a list- I think MB said she did this with her daughter so she would know that she was good and that Santa would bring her something. I don't remember the thread- but it was earlier today.

 

[meowbunny]

I think if I were a little boy and I asked my dad to play with me and the response was, "No way," I'd be pretty upset, too. That had to hurt. Your husband needs to learn some tact. "No way" is not a response anyone would want to hear.

Here's the thread KLMNO was talking about: http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21068 It's more than just telling him what good he's done every day, it is writing it down and saving it for Santa. It really does help build self-esteem. My daughter loved looking at her "good book" once a week.

 

[Marguerite]

The poor kid - he is feeling unloved and worthless. He need to be reminded that he is loved, but not by opening presents. That is not a measure of love.

He's also trying to manipulate you. He's hamfisted at it, but it's all he knows.

I do like the idea of sitting with him to make a list of things he is good at and things about himself he can be proud of.

If you need somewhere to start, use Tony Attwood's list of good qualities you find in people with Asperger's. I know he doesn't have an Aspie diagnosis, but check this list to see how close he gets.

I'm going from memory here -

Loyal. They're often more loyal to their friends and family, to people they value.

Loving. We don't always recognise this. If he didn't love his dad so much, the "no way!" wouldn't have hurt so much.

Obedient. At least to the rules as he understands them. He's probably not good at following lots of rules laid down all around him, or at following rules which change or are newly imposed, but he probably is very good at working out the rules for himself, and doing his best to follow them.

Determined. He wants to be good, more than anything else, but sometimes it feels too difficult. Yet he does keep trying.

Focussed. At least, when he can be, on the things he understands and likes best.

There are more good qualities. This is just a start.

Marg

 

[BusynMember]

We never put anything under the tree until Christmas Eve after the kids are asleep. This was for easy child's as well as difficult child.
In a way, your difficult child does control the house because he's the one with the disordered behavior (which he probably can't help). Therefore, he flips out very easily. That's why a good evaluation is so important. You don't want things to stay this way and without a right-on diagnosis. things don't seem to change. Until then, I'd just study TEC and put a lot of stuff into Basket C. You, hub, and your other kids deserve peace, and this child can't give that to you right now. (((Hugs)))

 

[Shari]

Hugs from another mom of a little tyke who's present obsession blew away the best laid plans thus far...(see post titled merry blinking christmas).

Hugs.

I feel for you.

 

[JLady]

We opened one present each. My son kept talking about "his" plan. I think TEC planning part worked.

It was my dad who told him no to helping build a race course. He doesn't have any tact and he definately isn't on the same page. He thinks I'm just terrible for dugging the poor child. There is no husband.

Night all. THanks for the words of understanding.

 

[Marguerite]

Apologies for getting the dad/husband thing wrong. But frankly, I'm still unimpressed with him. What ever happened to the kindly old grandfather image, eh?

Marg

 

[JLady]

Marg,

That really doesn't fit in this disfunctional family Dad is dad. He is in his own world and rarely comes out.

I'm really, really, really hoping for a good day today. Please Lord?

 

[JLady]

What a difference a day makes! Today has been absolutely great wtih difficult child. Could we actually have more days like this?

Merry Christmas everyone.

 

[Marguerite]

I'm glad you had a good day. Christmas was just a day late, that's all.

Enjoy the good, be patient with the bad because it will pass. And resist the urge to throttle your father.

Marg