Hospitalized yet again

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by comatheart, Jul 12, 2015.

  1. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    I haven't updated in far too long. I actually had to go back and see where i left things off... my 19yr old son was living in the homeless shelter.

    Well, in April he was accepted into a program that is very difficult to get into for adults with severe mental illness and addiction. Its called PACT and they provide medication management, nurses, counselors, case manager 24/7. Whatever they need to stay out of the hospitsl/rehab. They go to him, so skipping appts is not a concern. He was also put into an apartment. It cost us nothing (run by the state) even the apartment.

    The program has been such a blessing, allowing us to step back and let someone else oversee him.

    Turns out he is using again and the housing program gave him 3 chances. He was still getting high, so they were preparing to kick him out. He became suicidal and homicidal and so he's currently inpatient in a mental health hospital.

    When they release him, he has no where to go. I imagine he'll go back to the homeless shelter. My heart is just breaking.
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Our kids are good at shooting themselves in the foot.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    This is from a program that is supposed to be good at handling "adults with severe mental illness and addiction"?

    I know, not even a good program can "force" anybody to do anything, but you'd think a program like this would have a better approach than "three strikes and you're out"?

    The "system" usually likes to deal with the "high chance of success" cases, rather than the "this will be a long term project" cases.
  4. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    Well, the PACT program is actually separate ftom the housing. He was kicked out of the housing, they have to have rules and standards for the other people that live there. He will still be treated by the PACT team. Theyll still manage medications and go see him in the homeless shelter or wherever he is. Thankfully that portion doesnt change.
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Oh my heart breaks with you. This is so hard.
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  6. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Well I am glad the PACT people will still be there for him.
  7. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Oh coma! I know exactly how you're feeling. Just when we think they are finally settled somewhere and we don't have to worry so much anymore BAM - the other shoe drops and it's back to square one. I have been through it MANY times with my Difficult Child. It's heartbreaking and scary and so sad. My Difficult Child is homeless again after being off the streets all winter. He had housing paid for by the state. He had access to health services. He had yet another chance to turn his life around. But instead he chose to break every single rule set by the housing authority bc he doesn't like rules and who are they to tell him what to do? You would think it gets easier after the 10th or so time but no - my heart still breaks. I'm so sorry you're hurting my friend. Sending big hugs and lots of strength your way.
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  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry. I wish there was a supportive rating. I have never heard of such a program but wow what a support. I hope they continue working with him. I can't tell you how sorry I am that you are going though this and that your son is struggling so.
  9. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for the situation you find yourself in.

    It underscores to me the need for me to change so that I have the strength to bear what I have to. Because we indeed have no control over the poor choices of our adult children.

    Of course the housing program must have limits, so that the other residents are not compromised by our sons' behavior.

    This is a process. At some point, we hope our sons will get that the consequences to them for their short-term self-indulgence are not worth it.

    Meanwhile, there is gratitude that he will be treated by PACT.

    I have learned that there are always more chances. The first opportunity is not necessarily the best. In any event, this is neither here or there.

    Your son has decided by his actions that this set up was not his path to take.

    I find myself in the same situation as are you. My heart is in my mouth, waiting for my son to do the right thing. Or not.

    In the meantime I will learn how not to destroy myself in the process. And to have the fullest life that I can.

    I hope you keep posting. So we can help each other.

    Take care.

    Last edited: Jul 13, 2015
  10. So sorry about this Coma. I understand this heartbreak all too well. Addiction is really an awful disease because sometimes when you look at our kids especially when they are clean, you can sense their desire to stay clean then something happens and everything falls apart. Holding you and your son in my prayers tonight.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Addiction and mental illness totally hoover.
  12. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh, comatheart, I feel a special connection to you since I remember your very first post. I am always hoping that your son will "get" it one of these days but in the meantime I know this is so hard on you.

    I don't have any great words of wisdom. Just know that I am thinking of you and your son.

  13. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    Thank you everyone!, your words mean so much.

    I finally went and visited him yesterday. I just couldn't go before then...emotionally, I needed to stay away for I had nothing good to say. He looked awful. Hasnt taken his contacts out of his eyes for the entire week. His eyes are red and swollen. I said you're going to ruin your eyes! He just shrugged his shoulders and looked down. The sadness and hopelessness eminating from his body. It was a very long 20 min visit. A lot of silence. There just isnt much left to say anymore.
  14. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I hate this for you! :(

  15. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    Well, they transferred him to an awful drug rehab facility last Monday. By Thursday he was back in the hospital having taken a bottle of Benzos that someone had snuck into the rehab. No one even contacted us that he was taken to the ER and admitted!!! Yesterday he was released and is now in his 6th rehab facility in just 2 yrs. I would have NEVER seen this as our life. It's just awful!!!
  16. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Coma, I think this is what unites us more than anything else. That we could never have foreseen where our lives went, that nothing we do seems to work to change course, that no matter how much our hearts break we cannot give up.

    It is just awful. I agree. It is the worst of things. To watch our sons try to extinguish their lives slowly or quickly, is the worst thing I can imagine. And I am living this with you. I am so, so sorry.

    The only thing that I come to is this: I want to live. I do not want to die. I want to be happy or as close to it as I can, for the time I have left. My life is as valuable as that of my son. However much I do not feel it, I know this to be true. To tie myself to him, so as to suffer as he does, will not help my son.

    I will learn how to live, and let my son learn to live too. This I see is the only thing I can do. How ever much I suffer with my son, it does not help him.

    The elephant in the room is this: this is your son's life. This is my son's life. It does not need to be ours. We can live our own lives, regardless of what they choose. We are only defined by their choices if we choose to be.
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  17. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Oh Coma.... I am so sorry.... although I am glad he is in another rehab and not in your home or on the street! It is awful....and none of us as parents signed up for this. I know in the moment of the crisis it is hard to think about anything else but sometimes distraction is the best coping mechanism. I hope you can find something that you like to do with someone you like to be with and do it. Copa is right part of the process for us I think is to find ways to live our own lives no matter what crazy things our kids are doing. We have no control over them and what decisions they make. I really hope this facility he is in now is better and has a better handle on substances so that he cant use something else while he is there.

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  18. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I really like Copa's advice.

  19. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sad for you. I was once in the awful place of having to accept that my daughter may not live. I was so scared to admit that to myself. I know the dark places we go to within us. I wish I could say something that helped but I am honestly at a loss. Sending many good thoughts your way that the 6th time is what causes him to change.
  20. lovemyson1

    lovemyson1 Active Member

    I'm so sorry for what your going through. It's really hard to read. ((Hugs))