I didn't wake up today until 6 pm. Exhaustion from ktbug's antics. Missed 2 doses of medications & forgot to pick up my cymbalta. I miss husband. I know he had his issues; I lived with them for many years & yet I loved that man. He's gone. He had to be in pain for a long time; had to know he was sick yet did nothing absolutely nothing to save himself. I'm a caretaker - I was raised to be a caretaker; a woman who did what needed to be done. I was husband's wife not his mother - I asked, begged that he go to the doctor last October. He just didn't look good. Wouldn't go. Thru all of husband's issues he supported everything I chose to do; every decision I made (backed me up on many of them) & lifted me up when I felt I couldn't anymore. He was my life partner - good & bad. How, in 5 years, did I go from a family of 4 to living in my home alone? Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is insisting that kt needs a year of treatment - who knows? That will result in the loss of the CADI waiver. I'm being charged for kt's Residential Treatment Center (RTC) stay this time ~ I'm not sure why & if I can afford it. I cannot do a year alone - I fear I'm losing my mind. I've considered going back to work & will talk to my docs about it - don't think they will give me the go ahead. They are insisting I head back to Mayo Clinic. Can you imagine me showing up for an interview with my walker & not being able to find the words I need to use. I can't even get help to get my furniture moved to my garage in 2 weeks so the floors in my living/dining rooms can be refinished & the rooms painted. I'll end up hiring someone. I used to be a confident, intelligent woman - I could make decisions. I struggle today. I ask my children's caretakers to make the decisions that I should be making. I want husband back - healthy; the same with my children. I'm not ready to be an empty nester. I'm not ready to be a widow. It all needs to go away.