How do I parent?

[in a daze]

Your story brings back a lot of bad memories for me.

We ended up buying him a cheap condo for 20,000.00. He lasted about three weeks, as of course his drug use escalated. Ended up calling the ambulance as he called me from his car in some not so great neighbourhood with abdominal pain. He was obviously impaired and his speech made no sense. That was January 31,2013, and he has not been back since.

I know some others from my support group have done the same, with similar results. So I don't think the apartment is a good idea, either.

I know at one point I packed a backpack with basic clothing, toiletries and the names, addresses, and phone numbers of shelters, relatives, his doctor, and his therapist. This was after I had kicked him out once (he was back in three days. He's not too good on his own and he knows it.) It was oddly comforting to me to pack that backpack.

I hope you guys can find a support group. Families Anonymous has been very helpful to me, as has a therapist of your own to help you come up with strategies and set boundaries.

It was absolute hel living with him, and barring some extraordinary circumstances he will not be back here again. We all get it here. Keep posting!

 

[worried mom]

Well, it's nice to know that I am not alone. I keep wishing for something magical to happen. He is just sooo much in his own way. He could have anything but just keeps choosing pot over a successful life. I don't understand it. I get the real addictive drugs but our son successfully abstains whenever faced with a drug test. I do believe he is certainly addicted to pot but not in a heroin sort of way. He has said that pot is all that he looks forward to. I am so sad, frustrated and disgusted. I wish something would work.

 

[BusynMember]

Good thoughts. I just am so sick of this. I know that I am not supposed to take this behavior personally but I find all of it so disrespectful.

It IS disrespectful. There are no respectful drug users.

I would personally (and I know I'm not you) only help him if he wants to visit a rehab. Regareless, in my opinion, why he began using drugs...often it is for peer acceptance, like my daughter did...he needs to stop using before he can get any serious help for anything else. If he has had a trauma, at his age it is up to him to deal with the trauma. You can't help him anymore. You aren't allowed, legally. He has to make himself well. Don't make excuses for his behavior. It's hard to be a kid these days, yet most do NOT get into the kind of trouble we hear about here.

Hugs and good wishes.

 

[BusynMember]

I wish something would work.

Nothing you do can work for him. The only person you can control is yourself, not even your beloved son. He has to want to change and it doesn't sound like he wants to right now. Giving him things won't hellp. He may sell them for drugs. Although he probably isn't taking heroin now, drug use can progress. Hopefully he can get into rehab and stop it. But HE has to want to stop or the best rehab on earth won't do the trick.

 

[worried sick mother]

I feel so bad for you but you are not alone. Sounds like everyone has given you very good advice. Advice that I myself need to take with my 22 year old son, it's easier than done. My son had to come home from college under some very bad circumstances and he was literally driving us insane and he said that if he just had a place to live with his girlfriend because she was in another town a couple hours away then he would be fine, so we helped him get an apartment which we had to co-sign for and nothing has changed and we have to pay part of the rent. Don't rent him an apartment! It's a terrible idea. My son and his girlfriend work part time and stay up all night smoking pot and playing video games then sleep all day. He is no longer in school and I'm pretty sure that he will just live like that forever , he has no reason to try to better himself and we r stuck in a lease agreement that will destroy our credit if we don't pay. That's all I wanted to chime in and tell you because it sure was a big mistake on my part.