hi
so it's been a hard week on multiple levels. difficult child is having extreme anxiety, boyfriend is also easy child is the only one hanging strong at this point.
boyfriend is very upset with me, it finally came out the other night I guess with the committment of moving into something bigger combined with cleaning out drawers and seeing his divorce decree and reminded of the control he experienced for 20 years etc.
so, apparently i am off the charts so he says and has been saying for a while now in regards to different things and i didn't see it. i handle work fine and i do juggle fairly well, here's the problem....... i react very badly to him, very dramatic all the time mostly and i do see it, i truly do. i know it's my recent diagnosis of complex ptsd better known as i am a nightmare. yet ti's time to move past why it is i have it and onto how does one control it without medication?
all my clients who have it are medicated, i am afraid to and like to learn how to solve it on my own, surprise surprise lol.
i do lunge at him badly my reactions are never parallel to what is going on. i do see it and i can also be controlling. i am my mom afterall
point being we're moving into a big expensive place that takes two ppl and he's at the end of his rope he said and def wants to see change and he said that i never listen, etc.
problem is when i am triggered logic leaves and emotion takes over it's very hard for me to distinguish what it is i'm experiencing because my emotions are running rampad at the time.
i find i am often triggered even at the slightest sign of him being insensitive to my needs on any level at all. i fly off the handle now granted i am not yelling etc. at all. it's different it's going at him usually via text because he's working as usual and me saying hey can't you see you hurt me.
anyway it's a huge problem and i gotta be honest i feel very guilty that i've been functioning this way and truly haven't noticed it. he feels totally beat up and always on guard. i guess he maintained and kept quiet a long time and just finally blew up to the point where bags were almost packed two nights before we moved which is tmrw.
so i need the speed version here to stop torturing him. any thoughts tips etc from my friends
so it's been a hard week on multiple levels. difficult child is having extreme anxiety, boyfriend is also easy child is the only one hanging strong at this point.
boyfriend is very upset with me, it finally came out the other night I guess with the committment of moving into something bigger combined with cleaning out drawers and seeing his divorce decree and reminded of the control he experienced for 20 years etc.
so, apparently i am off the charts so he says and has been saying for a while now in regards to different things and i didn't see it. i handle work fine and i do juggle fairly well, here's the problem....... i react very badly to him, very dramatic all the time mostly and i do see it, i truly do. i know it's my recent diagnosis of complex ptsd better known as i am a nightmare. yet ti's time to move past why it is i have it and onto how does one control it without medication?
all my clients who have it are medicated, i am afraid to and like to learn how to solve it on my own, surprise surprise lol.
i do lunge at him badly my reactions are never parallel to what is going on. i do see it and i can also be controlling. i am my mom afterall
point being we're moving into a big expensive place that takes two ppl and he's at the end of his rope he said and def wants to see change and he said that i never listen, etc.
problem is when i am triggered logic leaves and emotion takes over it's very hard for me to distinguish what it is i'm experiencing because my emotions are running rampad at the time.
i find i am often triggered even at the slightest sign of him being insensitive to my needs on any level at all. i fly off the handle now granted i am not yelling etc. at all. it's different it's going at him usually via text because he's working as usual and me saying hey can't you see you hurt me.
anyway it's a huge problem and i gotta be honest i feel very guilty that i've been functioning this way and truly haven't noticed it. he feels totally beat up and always on guard. i guess he maintained and kept quiet a long time and just finally blew up to the point where bags were almost packed two nights before we moved which is tmrw.
so i need the speed version here to stop torturing him. any thoughts tips etc from my friends