how serious do you think a 7 year old can be?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by amy1129, Jun 24, 2011.

  1. amy1129

    amy1129 New Member

    Happy Friday all, if you're like me, I dread weekends, they are the worst for us. So fridays from 730-430 I am without stress of difficult child.

    OK, so my difficult child just turned 7 last week!! Happy Birthday difficult child!!

    He has screamed at us 2 times in the past year about wanting to die. Once because we were going out to eat and he didnt like the choice of restaurant, so he kicked the back of husband seat wil driving and thrashed a little bit and screamed I want to die, I turned and said why would you say that, he said i dunno so I yelled back at him, dont ever want to hear you say that ever again. And again at the dr's while waiting to give blood, he said he wished he had a gun so he could shoot himself in the head, then he said he wished he had a gun to shoot me in the head. I didnt react to either of these because we were in a hallway with alot of people around, not sure if anyone heard so I didnt want to make a scene. Then yesterday, he said it about 5 times. It was a 1/2 day for the kids last day of school. After lunch, my easy child's friend called and asked if she could come over, I said "sure I will drop you off in 15 minutes" difficult child took a huge fit, he wanted to go, it wasnt fair, threw himself into the recliner chair screaming i want to die, he said it maybe 3 times within those 15 mintues. He didnt want to get in the car to drop her off, but I kept moving saying you're coming, when we get home you can play video games without her disturbing you. trying to make him feel better about her leaving. Nope, he stood in the garage while we were in the car, we had a stare down, he stomped his way into the car and was not a happy camper. during the 1 minute drive, he potty talked, replacing words with "poop" "pee" "stupid" "bum". This potty talk thing is new, whenever he is upset, he will do this replace words with inappropriate words. He also likes swears.....the other night he was saying "He!!.....O" saying that he isnt saying a bad word, just saying hello slowly, he spells out words when he wants, its like he is so fascinated with them it weird.

    anyways, after dropping her off, he told easy child "hope you have a poopy time you stupid head", if it wasnt him, i probably would have cracked a smile. On the way back home, I offered him a piece of gum which he loves and said "no I dont want any of your stupid gum" and started pushing the back of my seat I said "please stop you are distracting mommie and I dont wanna crash"....he said "well I wanna crash us so we can die". I asked again why would you say that, I said "people would miss us and be very said if we died" he said "i dont care, no one likes me and you guys hate me" We were slient for the rest of 60 second drive. Came home, he continued for a bit, then went to play video games and ended up with me watching tv and was OK for the time being. later on he was so fresh and rude I could have smacked his mouth right off, I am not used to the fresh, rude back talking, he normally isnt like that. He also was biting his upper arm or something like that, and I heard him and looked at him and he left a huge bruise on his arm, asked him what and why and said "i dunno, i was bored", looked more like a hickey.

    My question is, how serious should I be taking him? does he know what he saying when he says I want to die? I wonder if he knows its gets me upset so he says it rather than understanding the finality of life. Like does he know there is such a thing as suicide and that he can actually end his life if he really wanted to? I dont think he does, but I dont want to take what he is saying too lightly either.
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Sweetheart - he needs a psychological evaluation NOW.

    If he does mean it, you need to find out what's going on/why. There may not be a concrete reason. If he does not mean it, and it's for shock value, it's an attention getter and he knows it.

  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Well, he needs to be evaluated...

    "Typical" kids are NOT saying anything about killing, dying, wishing people were dead etc...

    Your child is saying these things. That's not typical for a 7 year old.

    You need to find out WHY...
  4. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hi amy. It's obviously something that needs to be taken seriously. At the same time, I wouldn't myself think that it means literally that your boy is thinking about dying or killing... My boy too is very intense and dramatic in his words and feelings; it's as if there's no regulator in his brain, everything goes immediately to "full" or "high power"... I spend a lot of my time saying to him "Calm down!" He too has talked about wanting to die - that is, he has said it twice - and he is only four. It is terrible to hear, I know, and I felt so shocked the first time he said it. The underlying sadness concerned me more than the statement, which he doesn't even really understand. On the other hand he is very bright, particularly when it comes to knowing how to manipulate reactions and emotions. So I suspect a lot of this is also about generating maximum shock - your boy perhaps knows, as mine does, what really triggers you and gets you worried and attentive...
    Mind you, I was very dramatic and intense as a child too. We do forget the intensity of children's feelings...
  5. tictoc

    tictoc New Member

    Hi, I see in your signature that you have a neuropsychologist evaluation scheduled. When is that? If it is not soon, see if you can get in earlier. I would also make an appointment with a child psychiatrist. If your neuropsychologist is in a practice that includes psychiatrists, that would be a good place to start.

    I think you should take your son seriously. Something is making him miserable and he is asking for help.

    Good luck.
  6. april1974

    april1974 New Member

    I would take it seriously son has said really mean things too and it's aweful...I take all mean over the top things seriously, I can handle "I hate you" lot's of kids say that, but when they say "I want to shoot you" it's to be taken seriously. ((((hugs)))) g/l at your test this summer.
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    This is beyond serious. You have to take it seriously - the alternative is worse.
    Is there a kids mental health hotline around there? If not, go straight to your family doctor. You need professional intervention NOW. If he's biting himself etc., and kicking you while you're driving "so you crash" - this is more than just words.

    It takes time to get neuropsychologist, psychiatrists, other specialists... and you don't HAVE time.
    But you do need a second opinion, before you head to ER for emergency admit...

    It could be mental illness. Or it could be other primary problems pushing him over the edge (secondary mental health issues). Either way, get professional help.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I've raised five kids so far (at least to age 15) and none of them ever said they wanted to kill themselves or anyone else. It's not normal. I would take it very seriously. Any suicidal threat needs to be taken seriously and I know that kids can be suicidal. Do you have any bipolar or mood disorders on his genetic family tree? Has he ever become violent?

    I agree with the neuropsychologist evaluation. This is a very unhappy young man and I know how much you want to help him.

    by the way, sucking on skin can be a sensory problem.
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2011
  9. amy1129

    amy1129 New Member

    ugh he just said it again. Playing a board with with his easy child sister, they play together and if they do it doesnt last long but I had hopes. they last about 10 minutes, they started to go at each other and I said ok thats it, both of you clean it up and separate. She did her part, I watched, and then he lost it, said she needed to put it in the box and tossed it everywhere, she left and i stood there and asked him repeatedly to clean up his 1/2. He wouldnt do it so I went back to what i was doing. he came out crying saying "see i cant play with _____she makes me so angry, i just want to play with you" I said now you know how playing her makes you feel and maybe you shouldnt do that again for awhile. I said we can play later, but not right now, i was washing dishes. He fell to the floor "I just want to die" I said "excuse me? why do you keep saying that to me" he said "cause I wish I didnt have a life" Me- well i would be very sad and upset if you werent here. difficult child-I dont care you hurt me all the time. me-i have never hurt you, why do you think that? difficult child-because you are always yelling at me and hurts me. now i have to watch your stupid show. coversation ended just like that and he now beside me on the couch watching TV. I dont get this kid at all, no wonder i have high blood pressure.

    no nothing runs in my family....that I know of. Is it only genetic or can one just be bipolar with no history?

    ugh I need a drink. :)
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You can be bipolar and not KNOW t here is a history. Often in the past "funny" relatives were hidden or not spoken of. The relative could be dead.
    On the other hand, the extreme frustration can also be part of the autism spectrum or both. I am very happy you are getting a neuropsychologist evaluation. A normal, happy kid does NOT talk about killing himself in anguish. Saying "I want to kill myself' without much passion in would alarm me, but not ALARM alarm me (in other words, I'd save it for the therapist). Saying it with so much emotion makes me think he is seriously miserable, in no part YOUR fault. He must have a very low frustration level and some depression (yes, kids can be deeply depressed...I was). The depressed and frustrated can lead to angry, irrational behavior and meltdowns.

    If he says he wants to kill somebody else I'd take it seriously too. We have had many kids on here who have tried to choke their siblings or have taken knives and held them up in threatening ways.

    Hugs and hang in there.
  11. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I've heard it all...mine are on the spectrum (Aspergers) and sadly, I've gotten used to it. Make sure you check with his therapist or psychiatrist - there should be a record so that if things get a little frustrating for him, you'll be able to see if it's during times of high frustration, excitement, anxiety, etc.

    Hang in there kiddo! You're doing the best you can - this is what makes you a great mom!

  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Try to push up the evaluation. It seems to me that a lot of it is said to get a reaction from you. Esp the potty talk. Chances are he learned that one at school - it is pretty typical for a 7yo to call someone a poopy head or whatever.

    But the wanting to die is different. He clearly feels different than others. It seems to be a reaction to frustration. I would also get him into an Occupational Therapist (OT) for an evaluation for sensory integration disorder. It can make our kids unable to cope because their brain doesn't process sensory input properly. My youngest used to tell us eh was worthless and stupid and useless - and I was shocked when he changed in front of my eyes in about a minutes as the Occupational Therapist (OT) worked with him. He was trying to cut with scissors and wasn't doing well. Then she did some gentle joint compressions on his shoulders/neck and all of a sudden everything changed. He sat up straighter, used the scissors better, actually cut on the line (a first at age 5) and he really felt good about himself.

    I do NOt think that is all of your son's problem. But it is likely a part. The easier to treat part as this requires no medication or invasive treatment.

    My son was being emotionally and mentally abused at school and made two serious attempts to kill himself at age 7. My oldest, not the one who had the sensory treatment work so well - we didn't know about sensory intergration disorder when my difficult child was young. Wiz could have succeeded if he had managed to hit a stud in the wall instead of just drywall. He took a running charge at the wall, head first, in his first attempt. Truly scared us and made me start looking at school to she WTH was going on. One teacher was even telling him he was worthless and stupid and shouldn't have been born!! Why? He didn't catch all of HER spelling mistakes on some letters she sent home to parents. the teacher couldn't spell anything and he is extremely gifted in language, esp spelling and reading, and so she would berate and punish him if he didn't catch all of her mistakes. I was told this was to "challenge" him and to "give him a sense of accomplishment", which was all BS meaning she was too lazy to even run a spell check and she was just mean to boot.

    So don't play around to much with these, but don't read too much into them either. Be aware that he may be serious but a lot of what he says sounds like he is trying to get a rise out of you and his sister. Be sure that you get him fully evaluated.
  13. JaxhasAutism

    JaxhasAutism New Member

    First off, I would have to agree with one person here it does sound like an Autistic Spectrum Disorder or Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). My name is Kevin and I started a foundation in florida to aid children with special needs specifically autism and related disorders. My son Chris is 6, he has to date been admitted to (name editted out by moderator) which is a hospital for those with mental disorders, on three different times. He may be heading back there if what he does continues.

    He does pretty much the same thing that you stated your child does, he also seems like the energizer rabbit at times, well infact most of the time. He regularly says he wants to die or wants to kill himself. It is very troubling to say the least when a child at any age says this, much less one at 6 or 7. Chris stated saying this at four and it was one of the reasons that I went back to school pursuing my phd. We must take anything that a child says to heart and as a warning sign and by all means consult a doctor to get your child tested. If you dont know where to start please message me and let me know I can be found on many sites including facebook.

    My prayers are with you and your family and just let me know if I can help in anyway.

    Kevin (Last name editted out by moderator for child privacy reasons)
    Lasted edited by : Jan 3, 2012
  14. Confused

    Confused Guest

    I agree with everyone here, take him in even to his regular Pediatrician or other until he can get to his appointment. My son has threatened to beat us up or have us taken away when he is mad but really never himself.( said he learned it off of his friends, T.V. or blames it on his sister).I am so sorry you are going through this and will pray for you and your son. Meanwhile, I would just keep a close eye on anything thing that he could use to hurt himself ( just in case like cleansers, knives etc ) out of his reach. I know you know this due to us parents having to keep it out of any kids reach anyways! Yes, I understand about weekends,Holidays and Summers,as well as the time they walk through school doors until you go to get them! Yup, understand! Love them but its WW3! Good luck.