How seriously do you take these comments?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by whatamess, Aug 4, 2011.

  1. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    Ok, my signature says I have one difficult child, but really I guess I have two. I have posted about my youngest in the past. He had a very rocky kindergarten year due to a number of issues including anxiety.

    Anyway, last summer, when he was five he said a few disturbing things like, "I wish I wasn't born" and something about drowning (like "maybe I should just drown"). I hadn't heard that type of talk again until a week ago. He was angry about being reprimanded/not getting his way and he cried/yelled, "maybe I just shouldn't have been born" and "I think it's pointless to have babies, they just cost money. Why did you have babies anyway?!" Then yesterday when he wasn't in a particular bad mood or anything, I offered him some blueberries and he asked me if blueberries were healthy and I said yes, they are very good for your body. He said, "will they make me live longer? If they make me live longer then I don't want any".

    I know my little guy is clever and he hears his older brother who has autism perseverate on lots of things and is very negative. I can't quite decide if he is mimicking older brother's negativity or really thinking these thoughts about himself in a serious way...
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    I'm having the mimicking debate with myself regarding DD2. What I finally have decided was that IF she's mimicking these behaviors, there must be some reason - anxiety, low self esteem, intense sibling rivalry. If not, then she's having similar issues to her sister. She is also coming up with symptoms of her own. Either way I have to get her into therapy.

    Having said that, DD1 has been making such statements for the past 3 years or so. DD2 has NEVER made such a statement. Son only made such statements when he hit the wall of depression entering middle school.

    I would take these statements at face value and get him into therapy for starters. If he's copying his brother's negativity, you want him to learn that that is not normal. If these are his own thoughts, well, he needs to learn that's not normal either.

    If it was a once in a blue moon kind of thing, I wouldn't worry about it, but it sounds like a repeating pattern. The scariest is when they say it matter of factly. Just Monday DD1 did that to me. It was about 10 minutes after we left her new therapist's office. She was asking for candy and I made a comment about money. She said, "If I were dead you'd have more money Mom. I should be dead." And it was all in normal conversational tone.
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Aside from these comments - does he mimick any other things from his older brother?

    Aside from these comments - what is your 6 yo like? Is he average in every other way?
  4. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    Anxiety often impacts his functioning at school to a high degree. He has bad dreams that he says he can't forget and therefore avoids going to bed even when he wants to sleep. He mimics his brother's tone, phrases, tantrums. Unless something comes easily to him he is very hesitant to try or will only try on his own terms/by himself.
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    His anxiety is serious enough that it is interfering with his life on every front. For a minimum, he needs some form of intervention - likely therapy. But while you're at it... have the therapist evaluate for depression as well. And then... some digging to see if you can figure out where the anxiety etc. are coming from.

    Add to that... trouble sleeping because of anxiety = more anxiety because nobody copes well when short on quality sleep. So, add "sleep issues" to your priority list... somehow.
  6. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    My difficult child 1 has made many many comments like these. What I do is try to not show any emotion or give the comment any attention. If he thinks he has gotten a reaction the number of death comments explode. At the same time I increase the supervision level just in case the threats are real. Plus, I tell the therapist.

    Its never nice to hear something so ugly come from someone you love so much.
  7. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I agree. If the anxiety is impacting his life to a high degree, it is time to get him help. I would start with a child psychiatrist and maybe therapy? If you are talking about the 6 or 9yr old, they can do all kinds of play therapy that could help. Therapy can take a long time to help, but it does help. My difficult child has been in therapy for 3 or 4 years now, and I can see some big differences. The main one being that after therapy, he is great. Gives me a few hours break from his normal behavior.