How should I react to this comment by husband on our anniversary?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by TerryJ2, Sep 12, 2011.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I had one of the waiters take a photo of us when we went out to eat last week. It was our 32nd anniversary. When I showed the photo to husband, he said, "That's a good picture. The flash takes out all of your wrinkles."
    Sort of backhanded, don't you think?
  2. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Kind of reflected off of his bald spot though didn't it? :groan:
  3. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    I would have had to comment it was a good thing as well he was sitting down so the camera didn't pick up a shot of ....whatever, stomach, bald spot, double chin, unibrow LOL
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Sounds like a pretty typical mouth in gear before brain statement. I think I'd have just smacked him and made a comment about looking half his age ;)
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Backhanded is what he had coming after that shot. ;)
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    So much depends on the relationship. Its all "relative"... as in, it only matters if you're related.
    Its exactly the kind of thing husband would say - but I know him well.
    What HE would mean by that is... that the picture sure looks a lot like the gal he married many years ago.
    And I would take it as a complement - because the flash probably does NOT hide the wrinkles that much, its the love in his eyes that does - the flash is just an excuse.
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2011
  7. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    I guess it depends on your relationship. Personally, I'd just get a big laugh out of it and then use it to blackmail him for whatever you want to make up for him putting his mouth in gear before his brain was engaged.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Agree that it depends on your relationship. I may have said, "I earned all those wrinkles AND any gray hair...being married to you." :)
  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I think I would not have been as forgiving or thought of it as being funny...that's my frame of mind these days. I probably would have comeback with some equally as cutting remark, because to me his remark was not nice or 'honest', it was a cut. Again, not in the mood for snarky comments.

    I suppose you could turn it around and tell him you love him even though he doesn't think before speaking. Why do so many people think that after a long time together, it's okay to say stuff like that?

    Put some ex-lax in his beans tonight, I don't know, lol.

    They say wrinkles give our faces character...I'm sure you're beautiful with or without them and have always had character!
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2011
  10. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Terry, I think this must be the complete openness and honesty that must arise after 32 years together :)
  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would go with Insane on this one. Great way to look at it!
  12. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I dunno... I'd probably have smacked him (medium) on the bad shoulder, then made a comment about all the silvery sparkles it picked up in his hair.

    But... My husband and I do that. Joke about gray hair, and crows' feet. We stay away from the really sensitive stuff.

    I guess it would depend on my mood that day, too.
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, how I wish I were quickwitted! All of these wonderful responses and all I did was ... nothing.
    There's always next time ... ;)
  14. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    My oh my...these responses were fabulously funny!
    I'm rarely this quick with a fast rebound myself....but that stuff about the bald head, big tummy, etc. is PRICELESS.
    I agree, sounds like it is very possible he wasn't thinking.
    It could be projection...meaning he is worried about HIS OWN wrinkles and age related "stuff." Honestly, he could be thinking you look much younger than him. Something to think about....
    I would do your very best to find the humor in it.
    If it continues to bother you, at the right time and gently, I would talk with him about it.
    And by all means, make sure you personally are happy with your beauty routine and all that. It is much more important that you are happy than anyone else.
    Congrats on your anniversary!
    Again, try to find the humor in this!!!! :) Hang in there!!! :)
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I just shared your post with my husband and he is still chuckling...starts, stops, starts again. Yeah, it's a guy thing, lol. DDD
  16. Mamaof5

    Mamaof5 Guest

    That would have hurt my feelings too and our relationship is (well was) a very laid back, easy going relationship. Dark humor always crops up and teasing each other playfully has always been a part of our relationship. Lately, I take everything he says literally but then with our current situation with his BS he pulled I obviously don't feel very playful with him in that manner.

    Though, we still do have our moments even lately. Something like that though, definitely would have hurt my feelings too. Have you talked to him about it? You should, perhaps he hasn't realized he put his mouth before his brain filter...he can't read your mind about how it made you feel for him to say that. You have to tell him.
  17. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    I feel your pain! When I was 32y.o. husband was buying me a bracelet and said "I might as well start buying you jewelry now before you get too old to wear it".
  18. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Well, yes, I suppose that's the point - if the other partner's feelings were hurt, no matter what the intention of the speaker (and I suspect the guy concerned may well be horrified to know the effect his "innocent" remark had had), then I guess it should be pointed out and talked about. In an ideal world... :)
  19. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I think I would have been at a loss for words....

    I probably would have come back with something along the lines of "Excuuuuuse me...? Wrinkles...?"

    which would have been husband's clue to change his comment. "What? No - What I meant was...."

    I think we all slip up a little and the words come out wrong - but yes, I would have been sensitive about that one, too.
  20. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    I think I would ask husband why. Why did he say that? Was it intended as a light-hearted joke? Was it meant to be a cutting remark? Or something else entirely? Rather than guessing, I'd just ask.

    Once you have the facts, then you'll have a better idea of how you want and need to react to the situation.

    Did he mean to say something hurtful? If so, why? Why does your husband feel the need to hurt you on a day that should be a celebration of your love and your relationship?
    If he meant it as a light-hearted joke, why did he choose that topic which would be so easy to misinterpret?

    Once you get at the heart of what he meant, then you can tell him how you interpreted it and how it made you feel. If he meant to be nice, then it's an opportunity to gain a richer understanding of each other's communication styles and reactions. Something to bring you closer together. If he meant to be mean spirited, that's another story...that's something that needs to be addressed another way.

    In any case, I don't think it's a bad thing to be at a loss for words when someone says something you're not able to interpret. Gives you time to calm down, think, and determine how you want to handle the next conversation.