toughlovin
Well-Known Member
So I have been thinking about this issue lately. My son has been in many rehabs and has been through this process several times. He has done residential treatment, done well, gone to sober living... relapses and gets kicked out. He has gone to IOPs, relapsed and been kicked out. I know some will say he hasnt hit bottom or he just isnt ready etc etc. Fact is he has hit it pretty low..... he has been homeless, been on the street been in jail. And he has gotten to the point where he really wants help and asks for it because he knows he is an addict. (Hasnt always known it but knows it now).
So now he is invovled in the outpatient program of a different model... he went through their residential program and then they want their residents to get an apartment on their own, not sober living.... they recognize that often in a group setting someone will relapse and that affects everyone else. But the program does not kick you out or stop working with you if you relapse.. They continue to work with you. They do have clear boundaries.... so you cant go to groups if you are high or intoxicated, and they wont drive you anywhere if you are high or intoxicated. Makes a lot of sense. But they will still talk with you, stay in touch, support you.
So my son just had a 2nd relapse. The thing is the relapse did not last long... a couple of days of drinking. Worrisome and serious but he told them about it, talked to them about it and is getting back on track. I think he is slowly realizing that no he really cant drink anything without spiraling into a full blown relapse.
I am so thankful this program is there and is still working with them. I went up the other day and had a meeting with them and him. Other programs would have kicked him out and he would be on the street and still using... and probably back to heroin rather than alcohol.
Their view is relapse is part of recovery.... and to keep working with people where they are,. It makes a lot of sense.
I dont know if my son will every stop relapsing and fully be in recovery...... but I have come to the conclusion that for my son that his only real chance at survivial is support as he goes through this process and to know that we love him. I really dont think my walking away would help him in his recovery. I know that is enough for some but I really dont think it would work for him. He does seem to be getting closer every time to really doing this for himself.... but I dont think he is totally there yet. He did say recently that the reasons for being sober are still external (ie probation, no money etc.). I think to fully get there the reasons need to be internal.....but hopefully he is getting closer.
Anyway I just wanted to offer this point of view.
TL
So now he is invovled in the outpatient program of a different model... he went through their residential program and then they want their residents to get an apartment on their own, not sober living.... they recognize that often in a group setting someone will relapse and that affects everyone else. But the program does not kick you out or stop working with you if you relapse.. They continue to work with you. They do have clear boundaries.... so you cant go to groups if you are high or intoxicated, and they wont drive you anywhere if you are high or intoxicated. Makes a lot of sense. But they will still talk with you, stay in touch, support you.
So my son just had a 2nd relapse. The thing is the relapse did not last long... a couple of days of drinking. Worrisome and serious but he told them about it, talked to them about it and is getting back on track. I think he is slowly realizing that no he really cant drink anything without spiraling into a full blown relapse.
I am so thankful this program is there and is still working with them. I went up the other day and had a meeting with them and him. Other programs would have kicked him out and he would be on the street and still using... and probably back to heroin rather than alcohol.
Their view is relapse is part of recovery.... and to keep working with people where they are,. It makes a lot of sense.
I dont know if my son will every stop relapsing and fully be in recovery...... but I have come to the conclusion that for my son that his only real chance at survivial is support as he goes through this process and to know that we love him. I really dont think my walking away would help him in his recovery. I know that is enough for some but I really dont think it would work for him. He does seem to be getting closer every time to really doing this for himself.... but I dont think he is totally there yet. He did say recently that the reasons for being sober are still external (ie probation, no money etc.). I think to fully get there the reasons need to be internal.....but hopefully he is getting closer.
Anyway I just wanted to offer this point of view.
TL