husband / job / child support

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Kjs, Mar 28, 2009.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    husband has been talking to me more and more. He has been expressing his worry about losing his job. Many have been laid off. They cut his hours to 32 hours a week. So, like many others he filed unemployment for that day. Well...

    Must briefly say this. 6 years ago - the very day I lost my job, he gets a letter in the mail from Ohio. He was being sued for Child support for the past 17 years, upto and including the birth of the child and all medical bills. Note here------17 years ago. He did not know. It was before he met me. We have been together now, 22 years. But this was 6 years ago that he got that letter. Apparently on his trip from South Carolina to Green Bay he spent the summer in Ohio. Moved on to Green Bay. We met...blah, blah. He has always worked. Never for cash so he wasn't hiding from anyone. Took the DNA test. Yep, he's the father of a now 17 year old boy. He didn't know about. I was angry because she never told him. Now she wants child support for a child he never had the chance to even meet. After many trips to Ohio, and many phone calls it was then settled on a lump sum of $10K. husband doesn't make much money at all, so this deduction weekly has really hurt us. Just recently been doing my own calculations. Should be done paying in July.
    Both husband and the boy have no intention of meeting. husband is angry he never was able to be a part of his life. Now is too late. He never wants difficult child to know. (I think is a big mistake)

    So he gets his first unemployment check for the past 4 weeks missing one day each week. Unemployment deducted child support, as well as his weekly check from work. So he is paying TWICE each week. Since we are so close to the end of the child support, I just said, well that much sooner. He was angry. He called Unemployment. They know nothing, had him call a different number. They know nothing had him call Ohio. They no nothing. ????? Have you ever tried to get through to a government office? This took all week. And no answers. Nobody knows anything. Once July comes it will be a couple hundred more a month. Hoping he still has a job by then. I just got my merit increase...I work hard and always put forth all my effort. Average raise 3%. I got 5.88%
    guess they really do notice me.

    When easy child gets a job I won't have to make his loan payment and that will help.

    husband talked to me for hours yesterday. We tried to think of a way to talk to easy child without him getting defensive. We KNOW he is sad about not working and it is a sore subject. husband got him talking and laughing. Then they went out for a beer. husband gave him $5.00 and bought him a drink before he left him there with friends. He said they had a good talk. Praying a job comes through for him.

    Anyone know what to do about the double payments being deducted for Child support? He is only getting unemployment for 8 hours a week. So when they deduct the child support he has next to nothing. Then when he gets his paycheck it is deducted there too.

    It is a real sore spot for husband that I make more than him. Less hours makes it even more difficult for husband. Then I get a raise......

    Wish he made more!
  2. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I probably don't have any comforting answers, but here's my take on it short and sweet. In regards to the child support, will it stop automatically when it's paid in full? If it will, I would just tighten my belt, cut way back and go with the flow. It's better to just get that out of your hair and move on with life. Sometimes the hassle involved to stop or fight somethings takes more effort than to just complete it.

    As far as husband never getting to meet the son he fathered............ I'm sorry and really don't mean to be rude or hurtful, but if he had relations with someone, he knew that there was the possibility of pregnancy and he had all those years to investigate whether he fathered a child or not. He holds equal responsibility in my eyes. Yes, it would have been easier if the mother had told him, but who knows what her reasons were for not telling him?

    I hope your husband doesn't lose more hours or his job in the future. It really is such a scary time for everyone right now! I know he wouldn't make big bucks, but can he take on a part time job to supplement his income while times are difficult?

    You've had a lot to deal with it seems for such a long time. I hope life settles for you and you get an opportunity to relax!
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    This is speculation only, so I can't say for sure it will help. I tend to think that it will come out of a government check first, so instead of trying to reach a government employee who can help, I think it might be better for husband to ask whomever does the payroll at his job. They should have a contact person for the withdrawal from his paycheck. If he proves to them that the child support is being withdrawn from his government check, that should suffice.

    I'm very sorry that he missed out on knowing a son that he didn't know he fathered. I hope you understand though that the "I didn't know story" is commonly used when a man is trying to avoid responsibility. Usually the mother does tell the man during pregnancy or shortly after birth and the man refuses to acknowledge the child by claiming he doesn't think it's his but refuses to take a blood test to find out, until court ordered years later. FWIW, I agree with you that difficult child should be told.

    If my son's father is tracked down due to his current situation, I will guarantee you that he will say the same thing to difficult child and everyone in his life- including his sibs and mother, if she's still living. Why didn't I track him down and force a blood test myself istead of waiting until there is court involvement for other reasons and the courts do it? because I would have had to pay for it and I didn't think it was wise to take what little money I had and use it to track down a man instead of spending the money for difficult child's care, it still wouldn't make difficult child's father care about difficult child, and I really didn't mind supporting difficult child by myself. Plus, in our case, I had been told by dss that my son would be better off without that man in his life, so I did not want to push for a situation where his father would have equal parental rights- at least while he was a baby and young child.
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2009
  4. ML

    ML Guest

    No answers but I'm very glad you and husband are talking! Also, he and easy child bonding and talking is also good. I'm focusing on the positive here.

    The good news is that you're almost done paying the CS. I agree not telling the kids is a mistake but maybe some day hearts will soften on the matter.

    Love and hugs,

  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    been there done that. And live in Ohio. lol (sarcastic laugh)

    Have husband keep calling. If the person he is talking to doesn't know, have them either look it up (c'mon it's not that hard) or bump him up to a supervisor. Eventually, and when your patience is gone, you'll end up with a person who knows the answers and can help you.

    He might also have a chat with unemployment, showing paperwork and explaining he is already paying it. Nichole's boyfriend did this and got it settled until he went full unemployment.

    And husband will have to stay on top of it to make sure they follow thru on whatever solution they come up with. He shouldn't be making double payments.

    Welcome to the I Hate Child Support Club. It hoovers to be a member. Awful that something that was intended to help.....has not, and hurt many in the process of making things worse. blah

    I wonder if the child's mom lost her job and did welfare........they'd come after your husband in a blink, whether she wanted them to or not. Period.

    (((hugs))) I feel your pain.
  6. skeeter

    skeeter New Member

    Yep - another of the "I'm in Ohio crowd". CS must be paid to the state in Ohio, which take a cut of it, then pays it out. This is usually done by wage garnishment, so if husband is getting a government check (unemployment), you can be guarenteed CS will come out of that. I tend to agree with the above poster, instead of trying to get Ohio to change, it might be easier to get his employer to change.

    Luckily, with shared parenting and almost equal salaries, I never had to deal with child support for my kids. husband did for Washington state, but they were a lot easier to deal with than Ohio.
  7. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    actually, husband stayed with a friend and the whole group worked at Cedar Point that summer. When it closed, they gave husband a going away party. THAT was the night. Next day he left. I questioned if they used protection and he said she was taking the pill. Now, he was very insistant on that with me. Made sure. I honestly do believe he had absolutely no idea. By his reaction. But I was angry. I told him he should sue her also. She kept you from being a part of your childs life. She is a LPN. she had gotten married. My thought on this is that the boy was going to be going to college in a year. I believe that is what they wanted this for. It would of been nice when he went to Ohio to all those court dates that maybe just ONCE, his son could of showed up. Just to see him. Maybe by seeing each other their feelings may be different. But he never showed up.

    It was a good day. We talked. It has been such a long time.
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Given that he has stuck with you and difficult child, he probably is the type of man that would have wanted to know from the onset and is ticked that he didn't know. I didn't mean that the "I didn't know" story applied to ALL men- just a lot of them so people in the system aren't necessarily going to be sympathetic when it comes to witholding pay for CS. Why it took 17 years for it to become an issue in this case is anyone's guess. I wonder if it could be the outcome of applying for a specific type of financial aid?

    But, I don't want to ignore the fact that sometimes it is the mother that is a real witch in situations like this. Who knows what she told the son? Hopefully, someday they can meet. I thought in most states it was the law that the father be able to get to know the child if he's paying his child support, unlkess he's a convicted criminal or something.
  9. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    ok I have zero experience with- this but wanted to send hugs. seems to me years ago in IL some nasty thing happened where ppl were getting cs deducted but IL computers messed up or something & the recipients weren't getting the cs at all. gr. I'm sorry you have to deal with- such an ancient secret. I feel bad for you & husband.
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you've got this to deal with on top of everything else. A friend of mine recently retired from the Air Force, came home, and found out he had a 21 yo son. She could have told him any number of times, but didn't. I can understand not wanting to deal with your ex, as in your case, klmno, but then you shouldn't expect child support. That's simply not fair.
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    True, KTMom, but if financial aid/public assistance is necessary, or in my son's case, dss starts looking at it, they are required to go after the father for CS, whether the mother wants them to or not. FWIW, i did want my son to know his father, I just didn't want his father to have full parental rights after hearing some things from dss- but I never filed for CS. His father never would even acknowledge that this is his child and refused to take a blood test when I offered to pay for it provately, without court involvement.
  12. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I'm confused as to how they can go for back child support when husband was not declared the father until the child was 17. I live in Ohio and even in cases of divorce, they cannot go for back child support. For example, if you're separated for a year before the child support order is written, you cannot go back for child support for the year prior. And when there is a marriage, there does not have to be DNA testing; the father is assumed the father because of the marriage. Does that make sense? Child support is only enforced from the time of the order forward.

    In any case, there should be a caseworker in Ohio assigned to this specific case. I would contact that person directly.
  13. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I think in kjs's husband's case (as well as in my case) the child's parents were never married. I don't know how they justify trying to get back child-support in cases where no one tried to establish paternity or file for child support until the child was older. Actually, I'm not positive that dss or the courts do that.
  14. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I understand they were never married. It's just that in Ohio they cannot enforce child support until there is an order. So, I don't understand how they are going for back child support if there wasn't an order until the child was 17.
  15. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh- that's a good point. The only time I've heard of that happening is when the mother had told the father that he was the father and the father refused to take a blood test or pay child support or do anything until it was established thru courts- which in some cases takes several years. Then, the court did go back and make him pay child support for all the time because he obviously tried to weasel out of it. Really, with this guy, if he'd cared to know if it was his child, he would have had a blood test when the child was born because the mother had been notifying him all along. This is the same as my son's father- however- I truly have no interest in getting child support from him and never have. I have no idea if dss will go after back child support if they get involved, but I would assume not.
  16. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Uhh... Actually they can. In fact this happened to my husband a few years ago. Biomom demanded more $, so the court ordered a 500% increase (I am not joking either), then backdated it six months. Based on "imputed income". In other words what the court thought he should make.

    husband was caught up. And then suddenly he was so far in arrears that CSEA was threatening to take his driver's license and bank accounts. Thank GOD we weren't married yet - Ohio is a community property state!

    Also, child support cannot be tied to visitation. You would think it could, but it cannot. So if our kids' mother is in arrears (which she is, over $1500 - she pays less than $300/month), we still let them see her. I think the reason for this is that perhaps the non-residential parent is having problems finding a job, etc. Though they excused biomom when she used this as an excuse to not let husband see the kids.

    Now add this - when we switched to us being residential and they calculated support, they used her previous year's income - she had worked part-time most of the year - and husband's hourly rate for his current job - which was a temp position that was to end a week later. (Biomom's games have resulted in many financial issues - I won't go into it.)

    Honestly - $10K? You guys got off light for Ohio!!! I know how the courts here work. However, I do have a link for you. and then go to payment status. You will need a PIN, but a quick call to the number there will take care of it.

    Also one last thing. It will not stop automatically. There will need to be something from CSEA saying it is paid in full. And if there is any overpayment, you will spend more traveling to Ohio than it's worth. The web site I noted above has been a lot of help in our case.

    The dual payments should show up, at least the most recent one, but it will also show the total amount due.

    I hope this helps... Just keep up on it!

    Also from what you've said (KJS) - it sounds like husband really did have no clue, and the fact that you are talking about it is good. Keep talking!
  17. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I was separated from my husband for several months before there was a child support order and I could not get back support - even though there was no paternity question.

    They do the imputed income because some non-custodial parents will try to take a lower paying job in order to pay less support to spite the custodial parent. That's what my ex did and they based child support on what he was capable of making and had been making in the past.

    And, no, child support cannot enforce visitation. They are completely separate.

    ETA: Really all of this is moot for KJS. I would contact the caseworker (if you don't know who this person is, call the child support office for the county the order originates from and they'll direct you) and talk to him/her. They should also be keeping an accounting. Ours is really good about handling these issues.
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2009
  18. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Heather, this might not have been your case and it probably varies some from state to state, but it's my understanding that when a married couple separates, if there is a legal separation (as in legal papers drawn up and filed), any support payments are covered in that. If not, then it is not considered a "legal" separation and it's up to the couple to work things out- the same as if they are living together and bills have to be paid.

    As far as visitation, I interpreted the question to be whether or not a person ordered to pay child support, but not paying it, still gets visitation rights. In some states, at least, they do. In TN this was explained to me by saying it is the child's right- not the parent's. In a way, that makes sense- the objective is to prevent the child from being yanked from visiting with a parent even if they didn't pay. Never mind that if I didn't pay my son's/my bills, that would be neglect and I'd lose custody and parental rights.
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2009
  19. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    In my case, K, there was nothing legal drawn up for several months. I moved out on 5 paychecks which covered deposit, first months rents, utilities turned on, and groceries to fully stock a kitchen. I didn't have the money for several months to get an attorney. As soon as I had the money, the first thing done was the child support order. In Ohio, all child support orders are wage garnishments and they go through CSEA from the beginning. If child support is paid without going through CSEA, Ohio does not recognize it as such. Georgia was different and the non-custodial parent had to be in arrears before child support enforcement would get involved. I don't know if that's changed.

    Visitation is a completely separate order and is not part of CSEA's scope. I agree that visitation should not be withheld because of lack of child support payment. That is just punishing the child. However, some states have abandoment laws and if the non-custodial parent does not provide food, shelter or clothing for a specified period of time (Georgia was 30 days) a bench warrant could be issued. I'm not aware of Ohio having such a law, but things could have changed.
  20. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Heather..........I dunno how it worked for you. Because I don't understand why you didn't get your back support from the time of seperation. When husband and I split when the kids were was a good 3-4 mos before a child support order was written. husband was required by the court to pay support for those 3-4 months. I vividly recall it as husband was furious with me over it....and heck...I had no choice in the matter. It was all done by the court. I used that money to buy my first car, which I badly needed. And I know of several other people where it was the going on now. Which is why I kept telling Nichole's boyfriend that if he didn't do something for child support he'd be sorry in the future.

    But I don't think it's fair to demand back child support from a man who had no knowledge of a child for 17 years. That's just wrong. But sadly I've seen that happen too.

    It's such a messed up system.