Hang in there if you can, ropefree.
I remember back when I first joined - there were times I was desperate for some answers, I was really stuck because our system and our bureaucrats were being obstructive and I didn't know how to get around them, or what services we were entitled to. I posted in desperation and found so few replies that my thread disappeared off the front page too fast.
And the problem (with the benefit of 20:20 hindsight) was twofold:
1) I don't think people really understood just how desperate i was for help, answers, ideas, anything; and
2) Because I was the only Aussie member, nobody was sufficiently familiar with the Aussie education system and what advice I DID get was stuff I'd tried long ago, and it hadn't worked because our bureaucrats were able to block stuff that they shouldn't have been able to.
I almost dropped out at that point. But there were glimmers of help in other areas which had me hanging in there, and over time I began to understand the people her a bit better and got a better feel for how things work in general.
A site like this has rules that you have to follow. They're all spelled out clearly. But every site is different in the unwritten rules that are simply part of the combined personalities of those involved. If we had to sit down and write these out for you I think we'd have a hard time trying to define everything. But I can tell you this - those unwritten rules are a lot better and kinder here than on many other sites. I often do searches for obscure topics here and there (from emails I get, etc) and sometimes I come across other forums where the rudeness is so extreme it's breathtaking. Even forums where support is offered on a range of topics (not necessarily to do with kids) - you say something even slightly controversial and they jump down your throat with obscenities. A young friend of ours was on "Australian Idol" and I posted a supportive message about her and some of the responses I got were very upsetting, simply because the girl I was supporting was not THEIR chosen 'pet'.
I've only rarely seen people on this site react even remotely like that, and only when a particularly hot topic gets under people's skin. The moderators here are thankfully very vigilant about this and will jump on anyone (me included) if something we say risks upsetting someone else. Because I'm an Aussie I have to watch my language, what is innocent to us can be offensive to people form other countries. It goes the other way also - language acceptable in the US can be offensive to an Aussie, but there're few of us here and we're thick-skinned.
When I first joined this site I was really desperate for help, I was frantic. I was also very easily upset, because of the ordeals we'd been through fighting the education system and the bullying problem, for years. I still get angry when I look back and see what we endured, especially the boys. My desperation also made me hypersensitive to criticism (real or implied) and there were a few times when I wanted to walk away. I've copped criticism in PMs as well as in threads and it has felt like a kick in the guts. The occasional person breezing through this site can be a bit heavy-handed with the criticism. And then - I've often tried to show support and had my words seen as criticism or sarcasm because the person reading it was oversensitive (just as I was in the beginning). I had one new member I responded to take umbrage at my frequent use of quote marks - I do it when I'm unsure of the semantics of a word, for example. She interpreted it as me being sarcastic and *****y, which was not what I intended. If she had read previous posts of mine she would have realised that I wouldn't do that, certainly not to a new member and only ever in fun to someone who I feel 'knows' me well (see? I did it again!). Unfortunately, she didn't stick around to get to know us. A pity.
I also have learned to stay away from topics I know less about - it's too easy for me to put my foot in my mouth! And sometimes what I would do is very different, for cultural reasons. We're more laid-back in Australia, we often react differently.
So hang in there, be gentle with yourself and don't expect miracles form us yet. Until we get to know you better, any advice we have for you may be very wide of the mark.
And maybe it will be the same for you - as you get to know US better (individually) you may find yourself having a better 'feel'.
It happens like this in real life too, I've found.
Marg
. I've had a cpl threads locked and it was sad, but I could see why it happened.
