difficult child and I got in to it a little bit this morning. It was a small thing, but her reaction is so out there. I bought her new black ankle boots with about a 3 inch heel. The other night, she told me she had fallen down twice while walking to a friends house a block away while wearing those boots. We have had a small snow and some sidewalks are icy. Well, on Saturdays she walks another neighbors dogs. These are huge dogs that weigh close to 100 pounds. She walks them both at the same time. difficult child is probably 110 pounds. I suggested putting on tennis shoes or flat boots before walking the dogs. Nope. Those are fine. I then said, I would really like to keep her boots looking nice and if the dogs stepped on them, it would get the suede dirty and scratched up. Nope. She's fine. I made a smart remark about my common sense being unappreciated... and she stomped off.
Before she left to walk dogs, I asked her to sit down and listen for a couple of minutes. I tried to explain, that I am her parent now. I am supposed to be "mom". And the way I am "mom" is that I try to keep her safe, because that is the way I show that I care and love her. But no matter what I say or do - she is unwilling to listen and do anything I request. I can't even finish a sentence without being told why she can't do things that I want her to do. I also told her that I am not the type to say "I love you" all the time... but that I show love by making sure she has what she needs, is well taken care of, etc. Her bio mom is the type that says over and over how much she loves her... but doesn't do anything to show she loves her. (I didn't throw that in there) Also, biomom hasn't called for 6+ months and is 1500 miles away now.
Later, she tells me she wants to hang out with a "friend" which is usually not a problem as her two friends she does hang out with live withing a few blocks. Well, her friend is "Jacob" and she wants me to drop her off at the mall so they can hang out. Well, the mall is about 5 miles away... I suggest the library, which is 8 blocks from our home. No, that isn't good enough. I suggest he come over this evening as our neighborhood does the luminaries (candles in paper sacks) plus there are free horse drawn wagon rides, carolers, etc. Plus, she is supposed to sing in the park with the HS choir. Nope... it would be awkward for him to come to our house. Plus, if a certain girl in the choir saw them hanging out together, she would make life miserable for difficult child. But difficult child and "Jacob" are "just friends" and the girl in choir is not his boy friend. Then she wants to know if she can go to the mall with him if his parents pick her up? They are messaging back and forth on facebook... I ask her if he has offered to have his parents pick her up - no, but she will ask. I ask her why is it OK for you to be with his parents, but he can't be here with yours? I tell her no... Library or Luminaries - but no mall. Later I ask her who asked who to hang out... and she gets real defensive and says she doesn't know... I let her know that checking fb messages would make it clear who asked who if she couldn't remember. So she finally goes to computer and looks at messages and says, just so you know... I mentioned it first, but we were both bored and wanted to do something.
I am just so tired of trying to parent this child. She can't tell a straight story even when it is something insignificant. Then she gets defensive and takes it out on me. It is getting to the point that I just want to avoid her as I hate being hated. I have been trying to get in with her therapist - maybe I need to see her more than difficult child. I want things to change... difficult child just wants to get what difficult child wants. And it isn't me.
KSM
Before she left to walk dogs, I asked her to sit down and listen for a couple of minutes. I tried to explain, that I am her parent now. I am supposed to be "mom". And the way I am "mom" is that I try to keep her safe, because that is the way I show that I care and love her. But no matter what I say or do - she is unwilling to listen and do anything I request. I can't even finish a sentence without being told why she can't do things that I want her to do. I also told her that I am not the type to say "I love you" all the time... but that I show love by making sure she has what she needs, is well taken care of, etc. Her bio mom is the type that says over and over how much she loves her... but doesn't do anything to show she loves her. (I didn't throw that in there) Also, biomom hasn't called for 6+ months and is 1500 miles away now.
Later, she tells me she wants to hang out with a "friend" which is usually not a problem as her two friends she does hang out with live withing a few blocks. Well, her friend is "Jacob" and she wants me to drop her off at the mall so they can hang out. Well, the mall is about 5 miles away... I suggest the library, which is 8 blocks from our home. No, that isn't good enough. I suggest he come over this evening as our neighborhood does the luminaries (candles in paper sacks) plus there are free horse drawn wagon rides, carolers, etc. Plus, she is supposed to sing in the park with the HS choir. Nope... it would be awkward for him to come to our house. Plus, if a certain girl in the choir saw them hanging out together, she would make life miserable for difficult child. But difficult child and "Jacob" are "just friends" and the girl in choir is not his boy friend. Then she wants to know if she can go to the mall with him if his parents pick her up? They are messaging back and forth on facebook... I ask her if he has offered to have his parents pick her up - no, but she will ask. I ask her why is it OK for you to be with his parents, but he can't be here with yours? I tell her no... Library or Luminaries - but no mall. Later I ask her who asked who to hang out... and she gets real defensive and says she doesn't know... I let her know that checking fb messages would make it clear who asked who if she couldn't remember. So she finally goes to computer and looks at messages and says, just so you know... I mentioned it first, but we were both bored and wanted to do something.
I am just so tired of trying to parent this child. She can't tell a straight story even when it is something insignificant. Then she gets defensive and takes it out on me. It is getting to the point that I just want to avoid her as I hate being hated. I have been trying to get in with her therapist - maybe I need to see her more than difficult child. I want things to change... difficult child just wants to get what difficult child wants. And it isn't me.
KSM