I am only attracted to women who look good in a bikini

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, Sep 1, 2009.

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  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    says the guy I have been "sorta" seeing for the last 6 weeks.
    "Oh", I say, "well I guess the excludes me!"
    and he says
    "well sorta".
    OK.
    "So I thought we had at least some chemistry?"
    (since we have most certainly been physical)
    and he says
    "well sorta".

    I got up and left for home. Seriously. Are all guys like this? Am I just supposed to accept they are all non-committal superficial buttheads?

    I really like hanging out with this guy, and I really enjoy his company - but I cannot handle the fact that he obviously "sorta" thinks I am fat and ugly.
    (And please someone tell me when 5'6 and 150lbs became fat.):faint:
     
  2. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Or maybe I am being too sensitive?
     
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Wow, he's shallow! You deserve waaaay better, baby. Just tell him you're usually only attracted to men with brains and sensitivity, which pretty much rules him out. :p But to let him down easy, just tell him you have a soft spot for tools, so it's not all bad. :rofl:

    You are not being too sensitive. He's a moron. Plain and simple.
     
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    LOSE. HIM. PERIOD.

    And FWIW, no that isn't overweight but even if it was.....overweight women can be very attractive, too.

    Even though you enjoy some things about him, he's seriously toxic.
     
  5. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    Steely,

    I've got to agree with KLMNO and gcvmom.

    He may be fun, but he's "sorta" a loser. If this is what he says in the dating phase when he's trying to impress you, it will only get worse. Set your sights higher.

    It can be awful being alone (been there done that), but it's worse to be with someone who just doesn't get it. Be glad that he revealed himself at this stage, before you got more involved.

    Time to say, "Next!"

    Hugs!
     
  6. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Oh yuck! He sounds like a creep. I agree with the others. He's not worthy of you.
     
  7. Stella

    Stella New Member

    JC, what an fool!!!! That comment was shallow, hurtful, inconsiderate, unintelligent and just plain nasty. So if this is a sign of what type of character he has then you've had a very lucky escape!!

    Also, iif he can throw away a relationship with somebody whose company he enjoyed as well as having great chemistry with so easily I think he's going to find it very diffuculty to find happiness with ANYBODY...
     
    Lasted edited by : Sep 2, 2009
  8. Stella

    Stella New Member

    hmmm I like how my expletive was automatically changed to fool!! haha what I called him was way more harsh, trust me!!!! :D
     
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LOSER!!! Glad you found out now instead of months or years from now!
     
  10. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    Hmmm. I'm sure he was movie star beautiful, wealthy and very bright?
    At least he is honest and you don't have to waste anymore time on him. It's better to know up front he is a fool then to be married for a year and it to come out.

    Walk away and find someone who can still see a reason to love you and you him when one is at their worst.

    Love, marital success and committment don't work if it's based on the superficial. Never did and never will. No one stays the same and we all age. He will never find the one if he is looking for some sort of plastic baby doll. Of course, he may not be looking for love but sex. We know they are not interchangeable. Women assume love is the end result of dating. I don't know that dating men assume the same thing.
     
  11. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Sorta. Geez.

    No, not all men are like that. I can think of a couple of jewels in my life. My father in law, a guy friend in Vegas, my 1st husband, my Madison friend, Old Bill and oddly enough, Fran's hubby. He was so sweet. It was nice watching you guys interact.

    Keep looking, hon. You'll find someone. When you do, send him my address. haha...kidding.

    Abbey
     
  12. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    That actually came out of his mouth? What an idiot....... You are not being too sensitive..... you are just lonely...... Good men are not always easy to find, but when you are spending your time with this guy they are being overlooked. I know you don't want to keep looking, but this guy already has you pegged that he can walk all over you cause you want "company"...... find someone else you can build a meaningful relationship with......
     
  13. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Again, cultural differences here ... for me, it would depend on whether he was being flippant.

    The thing is, Steely, you need to think like a guy. You've been enjoying spending time with this guy, hopefully with a view to a longer-term relationship. But he's simply been enjoying spending time with you, and probably hasn't given a second thought as to where the relationship is going.

    Also - a guy might say, "I like big butts and I cannot lie..." but in fact find himself surprisingly happy with a woman with snake hips and a flat rear end. What he says and what he reallty means can be different.

    Or he might have sensed that you were looking longer-term than he was, and this was his hamfisted way to let you down. If so - VERY hamfisted.

    I was watching one of those talk-show self-awareness programs (eiter Oprah or Dr Phil - mostly interchangeable) and on the show was a young girl and her boyfriend, both under-age, and both had been talking about their plans to have sex. The girl was saying, "I love him, we've been together for six months now, I really think he is the one and I want my first time to be with someone special, someone I love and think I could spend the rest of my life with."
    The boy, on the other hand, also seemed a nice kid who said he really liked his girlfriend. But he was surprised she was thinking long-term; from his point of view, he was enjoying the relationship now, but had no thought of where they would be in six motnhs time, a years time, two years time.

    Neither of these kids was being obnoxious, or rude, or manipulative. They seemed to really care for one another. But even though they had talked about their decision a lot, one thing they had NEVER talked about together was their separate expectations for the relationship. Because it's not something people tend to talk about, anywhere near as much as they perhaps should.

    We make assumptions about the other party in the relationship, assumptions based on our own desires and our own expectations.

    Guys in general are not thinking very far ahead. If they enjoy your company then that's great. They'll want to see you again.Whereas we women tend to think in terms of, "Is this the one? Will we be happy togeter in a long-term relationship?"
    A lot of guys would run a mile if they could see this inside our heads. Unfortunately, a lot of us women are NOT good at hiding this. And a lot of men are not good at having a go at a longer-term relationship. Some men successfully duck out of commitment for most or all of their lives, the only times they ever seek out any sort of committed relationship is when they want a cheap servant. My ex-brother in law left my sister for another woman (for several other women) and married one of them. When his second wife died, he was back on my sister's doorstep asking her to take him back, because he needed someone to take care of him. My sister (thankfully) had another man by then, so my ex-brother in law has instead had his two daughters running around looking after him. His health problems are all self-inflicted due to his neglect of his health, his refusal to see doctors when he should (remember, we have free health care here so he can't claim he can't afford it) and his refusal to give up alcohol and smoking when it was obviously damaging his health. Now he wants someone to move in to cook for him, clean for him and change his dressings. For him and men like him, that is the only reason you ever get into a committed relationship.

    Steely, you need to play this lightly. Have you enjoyed spending time with this guy? Apart from his remarks, I mean. Were you seeing him with some expectations? Or were you just enjoying passing the time with someone who was good company?

    If you don't have expectations, you won't be disappointed. But neither should you ever be anyone's doormat, either.

    ANy bloke who says he's only attracted to women who look good in a bikini - OK, he sounds a bit shallow. But it could also be his attempt to keep the conversation light and flippant. So - follow suit. YOU'RE only attracted to guys with a triangular torso, snake hips and a small, round firm rear end. Long legs etc. You get the drift.

    I think he may have been sending a message to not let the relationship go too fast, he only wants to keep it light and free of entanglements. At least for now.

    Two can play at that game.

    For example, a Dr Phil show I saw today had a married couple on it, the wife a person with ongoing weight problems. She blamed a lot of her weight problems on her husband's constant nasty remarks. And they were nasty - he would comment about her large rear end, her lard.. you get the drift. This was a repeat visit - he was making a lot of effort to not make nasty remarks, and it really did seem he was trying hard. Not always succeeding, mind you. But it took Dr Phil some time to finally say, "You both need to have healthier eating habits. Just because your wife needs to eat healthy - you do too, it wouldn't hurt you to also lose a few pounds," he said to the husband.

    I would have gone further, and here is where I would also encourage you, Steely, to speak your mind. But with a smile on your face. ANY remark about your appearance from any guy, throw it right back.
    A guy calls you anything less than attractive? Well, boyo, you're no oil painting weither, so whatever each of us gets turned on by, it looks like for now, we have to put up with each other.

    Steely, you need to boost your self-esteem. Find your own strength, don't look for it in anyone else. If you had felt strong enough, I'm sure you would have responded with either:

    1) "Thank you, I'm glad you find me attractive." (because how can he get out of that one?)

    Or

    2) "Well, I'm only attracted to blonde lifeguards in budgie smugglers. But you'll have to do for now." [by the way - "budgie smugglers" are Aussie slang ofr speedo swimsuits, those really small briefs]

    Steely, whatever you decide about this guy, whether you decide to put up with his boorishness in exchange for some male company (and the occasional release of sexual tension? Friends with benefits?) or chuck him over to put yourself back on the market again - always keep in mind what YOU want, and try to work out what HE wants, in the relationship.

    And never, never, settle for second best because your own company should always be something you value also. Keep telling yourself - you are a worthwhile, attractive, independent and strong woman. You value yourself as a wonderful human being. Because when you can value yourself, it shows. And it makes it a lot easier for the right guy to value you also.

    Marg
     
  14. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    OMG, he actually SAID that???? What a putz...moron...jerk...idiot...shallow, self-absorbed Richard head.

    Steely, I don't know if you saw the Cleveland pics but if so you saw me. I'm overweight but I don't consider myself obese. I'm 5'2" and weigh a few pounds more than you. If I were the same weight and YOUR height....I'd be happy. This guy has a cranial rectal inversion and needs a belly window.

    Trust me....there are guys out there who either don't care if you're not model thin (translation: someone who pukes everytime they eat a full meal of lettuce and celery) or that likes someone who won't fall over in a stiff breeze.

    What's kind of funny about this guy....he may only like women who look good in a bikini but how many of them like HIM??? Snort....I'm going to guess....NONE!!!!

    He's a Richard head....no question. Dump his shallow aaaaarse and move waaaaaaaaaay on. Be friends with him if you want but if it were me....I'd be polite but distant. The guy needs to grow a pair and figure out what it means to be a REAL man.

    Good men are out there, they are just good at going unnoticed. Start going to events in the area....fairs, art shows, dog shows, get your dog's picture taken with the Tooth Fairy....whatever you've got there. Maybe even a local tavern or pub. I don't normally recommend meeting guys in bars but if you're in a small town, that may be the big social scene there. (And it's not always a bad thing...that's how I met husband! LOL)

    Hugs Sweetie.....you'll find someone.
     
  15. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Steely, I think you should thank your lucky stars that you found out now what a shallow superficial loser he is before you wasted any more time on him! HIM you don't need! Next!
     
  16. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Onward and upward...

    How would he look in a Speedo?

    Move on, don't waste your time. Perhaps you're better off just being friends but after his remarks (and the fact that he was physical with you despite his physical requisites), perhaps not.

    All men are not like this, but I have found that since many women cater to the whims & fancies of men, more and more of them are thinking like this jerk does, sadly.
     
  17. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Steely--

    I think you were right to get up and leave...

    DON'T GO BACK!!!

    Because if you decide that it's OK that he's not attracted to you--then later on, that will be his reason for cheating on you. (You know I can't resist a girl in a bikini and well, you're sorta overweight, so...).

    If you decide that a remark like that doesn't bother you, then it will set the stage for remarks he makes to you for the rest of your relationship. (You really look ugly in that sweater.)

    And if you decide it's OK that he is inconsiderate NOW--when you are supposedly in the "honeymoon" period of new romance--how considerate will he be later..when you've had a hard day and really need a supportive shoulder? (Geez, is that how you went to work today? Why don't you ever fix yourself up nice?)

    You deserve better! Never settle for garbage...

    --DaisyFace
     
  18. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    If someone said that to me, I'd walk out, too. I'm 5'3" and weigh considerably more than you do. I wouldn't look good in a bikini, not for another 100 pounds or so. I don't think that's funny, even if he was trying to be funny.

    Move on. You deserve better.
     
  19. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen


    Shoot. I'm not overweight and still don't look good in a bikini. GET OVER IT, DUDE. It's not what is on the outside that matters. Appreciate and love people who who thery are.

    I think the Speedo test needs to happen. Sorry...you don't have enough junk in the trunk. I only date guys who have the trunk filled. (ok, bad Abbey here.):ashamed: I really am joking, but it might be a good response.

    Abbey
     
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2009
  20. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I agree!:tongue:
     
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