&%$* I can't sleep...

[klmno]

I seem to always start thinking too much and get stressed out just when I think I'm getting things back on schedule. I was thinking about this meeting I had with psychiatrist and others. psychiatrist was asking about difficult child and adhd. I said he'd never been officially diagnosis'd with adhd. Ok- difficult child's regular psychiatrist calls him adhd whenever difficult child is symptommatic, then removes it when he's stable. I think it's because difficult child meets criteria at that time and does test out as having adhd during those times. This psychiatrist asked if difficult child had ever been on a stimulant and I told him no.

Now, I'm thinking that if this psychiatrist is noticing that difficult child is hyper right now, then I hope he can believe that difficult child isn't always this way. I did tell them that his normal, stable character is a little more on the shy side- not too shy or withdrawn, but he takes a little warming up period before delving into being active and buddy-buddy- even with other boys his own age. I'm glad he's re-evaluation'ing the BiPolar (BP) diagnosis, but I sure don't want him dropping that and adding adhd- and I sure don't want him putting difficult child on stims. Even if there is a remote chance they they help him now and don't make him manic, what happens 3 mos from now when difficult child is in a stable period and he's on these things?

I got something in the mail from "witness and victim protection". It didn't make my day. I'll call them and tell them to take me off their list- it was my son for goodness sake. I wasn't physically hurt- it was stopped- I'm emotionally devestated because our lives will never be the same.

Then, I got copied on a form that this place sent to the courts asking if they wanted to approve or disapprove for difficult child to go outside with supervision AT ALL. It allows the judge to designate someone else (ie- PO) to make the choice and sign it. Well, difficult child may not get a breath of fresh air for a long time.

I miss my stable son and I don't know if he'll ever be able to be stable again. I don't see how he can ever have a normal life again. This hoovers.

 

[Kjs]

The adhd thing is the same with me. It is mentioned on and off. Then told "try this, try that. And difficult child having such bad effects I don't want to "try" anymore stimulants.

the good thing with the stimulant is it is quick in and quick out. So when there isn't school, or he is doing well we didn't use it. I don't know if the mix of stimulant and mood stabalizer is what puts him in the foul mood or if it is just the stimulant.

I'm sorry you have all these thoughts going on when you really need to rest. I hope things are straightened out for you.

 

[Ropefree]

klmno:Bless your sweet mothers heart you have had so much to cope with and the stress and responsibility. His diagnosis is going to be clear enough to others in due time. What can you do to get yourself feeling the best you can so you are sleeping and your body is stronge for this challenge you have as his mother?
One idea that poped into my mind that may or maynot be useful for you is how about finding a veteran who could be your watch guy or gal when your boy is home again so you can take a class in whatever strikes your fancy so that you are doing what you need for yourself to have that regular ccertain time for you? At least someone with combat training is not going to be at risk in the event he were to get edgey.
Maybe next time your mind which has been non-stop preoccupied with all these details and being so creative about finding the way to get to where you are finally now...say stop...force yourself to day dream about getting on the bus to Belise and then lull yourself in to a sleepy stuper as the bus is rolling down the highway....all your support group all around you in leisure travel outfits...count the trees and the catus on the roof tops of the tile houses, and the boots upside down on the fences made of irregular sticks....red boot, black boot, tan boot...sip another sip of the delicious hourcheta you bought when the bus stopped for los banos.

 

[susiestar]

I am so very sorry. It is so hard to cope with all of this. Sending lots of hugs to you.

You might try guided meditations at night to help you sleep.

 

[artana]

((hugs)) Sending you good vibes and well-wishes.

I know the pamphlet must seem disturbing, but what he did was very physically abusive. I hope it never happens again.

 

[DammitJanet]

ADHD....or hyper and manicky at one point/shy and somewhat withdrawn and anxious at another. That describes Bipolar K. The psychiatrist needs to call and get your input. You didnt just describe "normal" behavior.

I would give my permission for him to go on outings if he earns his points. That is most likely what they work on there. A point system. Let him have something to look forward to.

 

[klmno]

Thanks everyone. I made it to sleep about 5:00 and got up about 15 mins ago- that makes for a lovely day. LOL!

Janet, I think difficult child does have mood cycling- whether true lifelong BiPolar (BP) (probably is) or not. I did point out that stuff to the psychiatrist- plus- I remembered this time to point out other symptoms that get pushed by the wayside and overlooked many times when he's done something risky or illegal. Like- eating sugar straight if he can get his hands on it (at home or even at a restaurant), being awake at all hours on a cleaning spree, etc.

The words you used brought something clearly to my attention. When I was into the pparty life, I was shy and withdrawn and anxious unless I "self-medicate"- then, I was outgoing, up having fun, and felt like I wanted to feel (I thought). But difficult child, he is that way but has no outside help. Even the first time he acted erratic, he had just turn 11yo and I thought he MUST be on drugs so I combed his room, pockets, everything, and he had a drug test and all were clean. And- when people talk about a behavior contract- it's like trying to reason with a stoned person-

I wonder why it is that many psychiatrists over-diagnosis BiPolar (BP) when there is no cyclic pattern of symptoms (symptoms are basicly continuous), but when the parent is sitting there swearing to them that the kid is not always that way, they don't want to believe the parent. I realize some parents can see no wrong in their kid but shoot, I tell them the bad stuff he does, so if I'm telling them something that doesn't fit their image, they should believe that, too. Anyway, at least he's there while he's symptommatic and I am trying to have faith that they will see it more as time passes. Hopefully, difficult child's regular psychiatrist will shed some light for them, too. I am glad though, that this psychiatrist is evaluation'ing things for himself. And I wonder, can there be mood cycling like this and it not be true BiPolar (BP)- well- that's part of the controversy among psychiatrists, I guess.

Seeing that adolescent with schizophrenia there cleared up any doubt I had about difficult child having that though. It was heartwrenching to see and listen to him just burst out and react to hallucinations and wonder why the medications were not helping. The poor kid apparently thought he was being attacked by people with knives and he was bleeding and dieing. Staff didn't realize that I was within earshot and I was very impressed with how they handled the situation. 2 or 3 went to him immediately and stayed calm and reassured him that they were right there and would protect him and that he was in a safe place. Then, after he quieted a bit, they discussed getting the psychiatrist's help and suggesting to the kid that he lay down and rest so they could watch him and make sure no one bothered him. (That was just to divert him, I think.)

As far as priveledges, I would be fine with him earning that. They do work on a point/level system. But, I was only copied the form- it had no place for my opinion or signature.

 

[totoro]

I wouldn't even worry about whether he is technically BiPolar (BP) or not. I mean it really isn't even in the DSM-IV for kids yet.
As long as they are looking at his symptoms and trying to treat them, I would be happy.
I would be pushy about not treating the ADHD-like symptoms though, because we have seen the kid who is more stable, become less ADHD like.
I would present it to them like that.
Tell them that when he is stable he is able to remain much more calm and his ADHD like symptoms seem to subside.
That is why K's psychiatrist thinks her ADHD diagnosis is CARP. If she were truly ADHD, she would not be able to sit through class every day... but when she is unstable that is when she becomes a hyper little mess... more so. SHe always fidgets and moves. But this also is part of her anxiety.
I think a lot of doctor's get these things all intertwined and confused, especially when they are looking at someone who is complex like your difficult child. Or someone like Janna's Dylan.
If they are unsure and they see a hyper kid, it is automatically ADHD. If he is up and moody it is BiPolar (BP)...
Is he has sensory issues, Autistic.
They just don't spend the time to really tease out what is really going on with our kids, nor do most of them have the time.
So unfortunately most times it is just a Scientific guess.

Hang in there...
He is still your Baby... he is still in there.

 

[klmno]

I wonder who makes medication choices if the kid is in detention. Normally, I can tell difficult child's psychiatrist that I don't want to try stims on him. Since difficult child was on probation and had a chins, the courts could have ordered me to if psychiatrist had pushed it but that never happened. If difficult child is in state detention, I don't even know how they see a psychiatrist reguularly and who makes decisions regarding their medications.

 

[DammitJanet]

You are getting into a place where you will have less control of the day to day decisions over your son but I also think you are starting to project some worry into what could happen that hasnt happened yet. Do you get my drift? I know it is hard to step back and place any faith at all in the hands of people you dont know or trust but you really kind of have to right now. He is out of your hands now. Step to the side and just wait and watch.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

K,

you know the saying "it's always darkest before the dawn"? My hope and prayer as that this applies in the case of your son. It breaks my heart to hear you say that you don't think your son will ever be stable again.

You are doing everything in your power. Some of it is up to him.

Keep strong warrior mom.

Sharon

 

[bran155]

Oh sweetie!!!

I am a lot like you. There are days that all I do is sit and ponder my daughter's dreaded future. How on earth will she ever make it??? But the truth is, we have no way of really knowing what the future holds for our children. There is always the possibility that they will come out of this and do okay!! Why not? There are other members who themselves have been difficult children at one time who now live normal lives. They are the ones that give me hope. I think the key is NOT to look into the future. We moms have to concentrate on the now or we will drive ourselves crazy!!! One day at a time. Sometimes it's one minute at a time. And yes it does hoover!!! I will give you that. This is a very hard life to live. We were the chosen ones, don't know why, but I am a big believer in everything happening for a reason.

Please try to take it slow. Try not to read too much into things. You are a wonderful mother. You are a fantastic advocate and should pat yourself on the back. You now deserve to care for yourself. Your stability and happiness is just as important as your sons!!! Please be kind to yourself.

You are always in my thoughts!

(((BIG HUGS)))
Shawna

 

[klmno]

Thank you both. His gal called earlier. I was trying to stay focused on answering her questions- I told her it was important for her to see his file at the courts and read the letter I sent in 2 weeks prior to this incident and to take note that the judge had agreed to hear the case in court. Also, I mentioned that the "bottleneck" had been that difficult child was on probation and that had tied my hands and it was also documented in that letter. And I told her that PO was claiming that she had not known that difficult child had been self-injuring, but, I knew for a fact that this statement was a lie- I apologized for putting it so bluntly, but I know it is.

Then, I called difficult child for a few. He seems so excited to be around other kids his age where he isn't worried about being accepted by them. It makes me think back to when all this started with him. He was in the latter years of cub scouts and had been a member of this group since 1st grade. He had done quite well and had fit in and been "one of the boys". But when he had all the pieces fall into place about his father not being in his life, he was so devestated and never acted the same again around the other scouts- who all had dads either camping with them or being leaders, etc. difficult child seemed to have such a complex, which lead the other boys to treat him differently, then difficult child would try harder by doing inappropriate and unacceptable things, and so on and so on. He's had acceptance and rejection and peeer issues since. - Ecept for the one buy who seemed like such a good friend about 18 mos ago-

Maybe he was just emotionally starving for this "social life" (aka- peer acceptance) that now he seems to be thriving on. I hope somehow thru group therapy and maturing, that he can figure out a way to accept himself a little more even when the day comes that he isn't locked up with "problem" kids (either juvy or psychiatric hospital).