I cant stop feeling sick.. supose to leave in an hr ..

[Confused]

to have a function for my kids ( scouts) and im volunteering with animal shelter that is going to b there.. I had to cancel several times over before now im canceling again.. they dont want be back ever if i canceled again. They need a certain amount of people there..I cant leave my son with my dad because when my son finally gets out of bed he will be angry/violent/call police because i left and he didnt go- dad cant hack it. So I cant go.... Im so sick ... the migraines .. stress...

I said Id never come back but I had to be heard by someone ....anyone. As far as an update my son is a smidge better but still violent ( not as bad), nasty nasty mouth with violent threats and still failing school I dont think he will make it to 3rd grade( refuses medications wont eat so I wont give them to him). The school sends him home when he tells them he had the pill and didnt eat.. so that will be daily. The new pill Vynesse 20 mg which is doing nothing for him when he does take it. I got a referral yesterday for a clinical psychologist or clinical psychiatrist ( Im sooo tired havent slept good in days) I forgot which one cant find the paper now . I had to keep on the Dr and he seemed annoyed I asked for a referral and keep talking about my sons adhd and anger issues and need to find out if anything else.. No respect to allow my father to sleep - he stays wild and loud...does help more with dogs but and sometimes vacuum but thats about it.

My daughter.. stays up ALLLLLL night long electronics .. even if they r all gone- she will read all night. Everything else still same with her.. just more and more comments about lack of facial /emotions/speech from others. Even lost out on a school because she couldnt ( or wouldnt as my grandpa says) carry a conversation with interviewer. Refuses a tutor and starting to fail...
(gotten them before and she just sits there looking around or not looking up etc) My grandpas ex caregiver( she quit ) I took over mornings as well as keeping my lunch and dinner times with him (my dad has brought dinner and lunch too- runs errands for him) anyways she says my daughter has schizophrenia.. she sees that in her...Which with all the dram this morning his old caretaker is calling me now because my grandpa called her.. hes not doing well.... so now.. i gotta leave the kids alone so i can check on him...she said hes not well

They both get upset when I cant buy extra stuff at the store whether it b food, books, clothes, toys etc. Embarrassed me to no extent yesterday at the register in front of sooo many people I looked like a loser mom. It takes both on most times an hour- 11/2 to get up not including to get ready with us saying over and over and over nicely get up, lets go etc. Ya, we have cussed and yelled no denying that... but after several repeats ya,, we get annoyed too. Well.. i hear take them to doctors get them examined ya right sooo much easier said then done. As my kids and others say.. its all my fault always has been.

I write on animal forums and most time no one writes me back.. I must be so stupid/ horrible. I thought my life was planned and that I was smart enough to handle things like work and this but it seems as if Im not like im just a stepping stone or a mat... No one will ever hire me... still jobless but.. again I have to cancel all the time at volunteer places!!!! So ya, I see how im not reliable ... I want the best for my kids but at this point whats next?

I cant afford to go to the dr( an am scared of certain test results) See, my health is getting worse, my weight, havent had a pap in years ( lets say... not a good idea..) soo much more. So much more drama with my sis too... "Best friend "only calls me when she needs money( ya like I have any) and has no time for me. Sorry I know this is have update and have vent which the vent belongs in watercooler.. but.. just no sense. So.. all i can do is raise my kids as i am,, attempt to steer them in right direction and when they are 18..Im moving from here. I don't know what I will do or go. But.. it really is ALL my fault.. sorry so long sorry all

 

[jugey]

Oh my Confused.....you don't sound good at all! I'm very concerned for you. I'm not as good as others at offering uplifting motivation, so I won't really try. You need to give yourself a break, literally and figuratively. I'm sure you're doing the best you can and that your circumstances are not all your fault! You sound very depressed and in need of some good counsel. I'm really am worried for you. I hope others post soon and that you find some peace today.


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[pasajes4]

I too am very concerned for your well being. I don't know what to say. You really need to get some help for you.

 

[Malika]

Confused, you sound depressed. Being depressed is not your "fault". Although you do not want to go to a doctor, please speak with a doctor you trust (if you have one) about this. For your children's sake and for yours, you need some help. Hugs and thoughts.

 

[BusynMember]

Confused...you can help animals right from your home. Rescue them actually. I'd be honored if you'd join my face book page, which is mostly saving animals. I will send you a PM so you can join if you like and see how MUCH you can help animals in need right from your computer. Please check your PMs.

I am not sure what else to tell you. I think we've gone over the options, but do know that none of this is your fault and that maybe social services can help you get in-home help and respite. SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK!!!! Keep coming. We're here to listen and to try to help.

 

[Confused]

Thanks everyone. Im overall ok, social services na. I just see that its all my fault and wish I did things differently. Well, overall, its good we didnt go today because my grandpa is having hallucinations this morning ( above i said his caretaker that just quit) called me and said he wasnt rite.( hes had them before mainly cuz of his medications but it goes away- doctors know) Well, I knew that when he called me at 5am, but figured my dad be there till she got there, but my dad called me so I went down and well ya, hes talking to a man thats not there.. - then he goes back to carrying a conversation with me normally like nothing is wrong and then boom.. again. So he might be admitted today if he doesnt come around.

How did/ do you all handle your kids, aging parents/granparents etc with jobs? My neighbors try to help but either at work or aging themselves. My dad and I are only relatives here and Veterans services is in limbo with programs. He doesnt want to go back to the Veterans home, and we have no problem living with him but yikes! Besides my weight, lack skills and kids, its a lot but I HAVE to have a job or we will be homeless

Anyway my son is calm finally from missing this morning. Thanks all for the advice and offers

 

[BusynMember]

What makes you think you have to be the one to take care of all those people? My first response was to think, "Nobody can do that!" Maybe grandpa needs to go to assisted living, grandma too, other relatives too. Maybe their own kids need to figure out solutions. Your entire family is NOT your responsibility. If they don't have money or insurance, there is help with Medicaid. May not be top-of-the-line nursing home care, but it's better than you can do yourself and no one person can take on the role of caregiver for the entire clan. I would put my foot down and say, "Enough. I'm done. I'm going to look for assisted living places...and _____ is going to help me." I think the answer to the question you asked is that most of us DON'T take on so many roles!!!! We CAN'T! You can't either.

 

[Confused]

I know what your saying, it is a lot but, other people manage it like another one of my friends- she has a job and a half, other relatives/friends, her daughter and us!!! I guess others handle things differently. Of course she is at her capacity too. He lived at the VA home for a while.. and they take his check along with his insurance thats not a problem. My dads down there now so if he doesnt get better he will have to go to the hospital. Im in my late 30's, my aunt says its too late for me to go back to school, is it? I have a bachelors, just want a master in something else that will get a me a career like Vet Tech, Teachers but they arent hiring really or something! Be done by 40! But still work meanwhile... I don't know... well ... I gotta run to the store so thanks again everyone.

 

[jugey]

Confused, I've had so many moments of wishing I'd done things differently...hindsight is priceless! But I know for sure, I did the best I could in the moment. You sound like a very hard working lady...too hard! Midwest is right! You can't do it all! I think your focus should be on yourself and your children. Yourself first! Find resources for your dad and grandpa. You're no good to anybody if you're all doom and gloom. It needs to start with you!! I know it's not easy but take a step or two and it will start to flow. Put yourself at the top of the list! I really do wish you well!

 

[DDD]

Confused please accept my wisdom which comes from raising eight kids.......and age. Heck NO to those who tell you are too old to get further education and propel yourself up the ladder. I realize that in your 30's you can believe that you have passed by your potential but that is wrong....for sure wrong. I have alot of regrets in my life of over 70 years but the biggest is that I did not insist on following MY path to success.

From everything I have read about you there is every reason to believe you are a WINNER. You are devoted to your family. You have a degree. You are kind and caring. Do not let your Aunt (or anyone else) limit your potential. There are two very important reasons for you to pursue your goal. #1..you DESERVE to feel good about yourself. #2
you have been blessed with the capability to achieve. Do not end up old and unable to feel confident! It is an ugly place to be. If you want a cheerleader..I'm ready! DDD

 

[DDD]

OMG! I wrote a LONG response and it disappeared. Bottom line of the (lol) supportive and caring post that disappeared??
You are young enough and capable to get your Masters AND to achieve any goal you set. I didn't do it. I regret it. I was not a rocket scientist but I gave my ALL to my family and in retrospect it was NOT the right choice. Go for it! DDD

 

[BusynMember]

in my opinion you are giving up your own life to try to take care of too many people and that's why you are so overwhelmed and worn out. I admit I'd never take on that much. I know my limitations. It doesn't matter what other people do.

Think about what you want and how you can make it happen. And think about some things you can do to relieve your stress. No one person should have to take care of the entire extended family. You are a good-hearted person and probably a doormat (don't be offended..I was once more than just a doormat; I was a CARPET for everyone to walk all over...lol). I had to learn that if I didn't stop thinking I could fix everyone else, I will not only destroy myself, but be useless for even my own kids because I'd end up in some Funny Farm trying to take care of the patients there...lol.

Be good to yourself and think about what you may be able to do to cut down on your load. There are other options for your father and mother besides relying on you. Frankly, I'd never want my kids to nurse me...I'd rather be in assisted living or even a nursing home than make their lives stressful and miserable.

The only thing stopping you from going back to school is you are over obligated and over committed. You are young and perfectly capable of going back to school AND YOU SHOULD. I'll bet your friend is just as stressed, depressed and worn out as you are, but she may be better at hiding it. Nobody wants to spend life without having one while taking care of every aunt, mom, dad, cousin, friend, etc. It isn't right.

JMO

 

[HMBgal]

Im in my late 30's, my aunt says its too late for me to go back to school, is it? I have a bachelors, just want a master in something else that will get a me a career like Vet Tech, Teachers but they arent hiring really or something! Be done by 40! But still work meanwhile... I don't know... well ... I gotta run to the store so thanks again everyone.

Your Aunt is incorrect. I started college at 40 with no college credits, degree, experience, nuthin' except raising kids and waitressing. By age 48, I had a Bachelor's in Pre-Physical Therapy (and you've already got your Bachelor's, so you are miles ahead of where I was), a Master's in Sports Sciences, and credentialed to teach health science, physical education, and adapted physical education in public schools. I know the thought is "I'll be X-age when I get done." You'll be X-age anyway! Late 30s is young!

 

[Confused]

Jugey, its easier said then done. But I am the person who doesnt mind helping anyone, I love to, I feel comfortable.. well that is until I got the low self esteem where I say I mess up everything or just about everything! Been told that to. Yup, at least we learn from our past. Thank you tho

DDD, thank you and I see your point ( you have been through a lot too)

MidwestMom, thank you too and yes, she is really good at hiding it. I would be helping you ( trying to) to help the people at the funny farm! Id play counsler with my friends and their siblings, when I was young, ha.. still do. My sister use to call me a kiss a## because I was mostly polite, friendly, and trying to get along with everyone. I would always push aside the any bad and see all the good. I enkoy taking care of family and friends.. but... yes, im in circles. In fact... appointment this Friday at kids school ( early release report cards) and grandfather just got an appointment same day and time ( out of hospital today). So we cant find anyone else to help.. my dad cant walk good anymore or lift him at all because my dads heart condition.

HMBgal, thank you for that! But congrats to you !


Well, my son acted up at the E.R. when we brought my grandpa.. and my dad asked the Security guard to talk to him and security guard said" Arent you grandpa? You handle him" Well gee wiz, we are trying to get my son to realize his yelling, stomping,tantrum and nasty mouth has consequences and hoping that man would make him think. My son says he wants to be a cop, so why not hear from one(( sorta) how he needs to act to become one? Well the referral is for a Clinical Psychologist with no main website. On regular insurance their dad has for them, does he get to know everything we all talk about? Just curious. I don't know if she can help with ADHD tips that I wanted plus further testing just to be sure if anything else he may or may not have and anger etc. Same with daughter and well, since Ill be in the room talking we shall see what she says about me. I need to get insc for me I realized because of Obama care.. ya right no money! Well, my daughter is still mad at me, for Sat and my son refuses to do h.w.. Complete defiance

 

[JKF]

Confused - I just wanted to let you know that at 34 I went back to college, graduated with honors at 36 and now - at 37 - I am furthering my education even more and taking classes for my bachelors degree in marketing. It's NEVER too late! Don't ever listen to people who tell you that! I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!!




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[Confused]

Thank you JKF!!! Congrats to you

 

[JKF]

And that's on top of having a major difficult child with major difficult child problems! It wasn't easy to start but I literally forced myself. I was scared for all sorts of legitimate reasons but it turned out to be the best thing I've ever done for ME and ME alone. I'm just saying do what feels right for you and don't listen to negativity. Take care of you. Maybe learning a new skill or taking classes for a subject that interests you might work wonders in the way you feel. It might help you realize that there's more to this life than taking care of everyone else. Even if you start with one class at least it's a step in the right direction. If you ever want to chat about it or need some encouragement feel free to PM me.


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[TerryJ2]

Confused,
vent away! That's what we're here for.
Phooey on your naysayer aunt. You can go back to school any time you want. When I was a teenager, there was an Ann Landers column from a guy who was 45 yrs old and really wanted to be a medical doctor. He said "By the time I graduate and do my internship, I will be 50 yrs old. What should I do?"
She wrote back, "And how old will you be in five yrs when you don't go back to school?"

As far as everything being your fault, do NOT let people do that to you! Blame is way too easy for people, especially kids. THEY have to take responsibility for some things right now. Your daughter needs to have her electronics taken away NOW. Do it while she's in school. Expect a meltdown. WTH, she's mad at you anyway, why not do the right thing? Same with-your son.
My son was always mad at me, always blaming me, and until I realized, hey, he's ALWAYS angry and blaming me, so I may as well do the right thing, nothing happened. The day (week, actually--it took awhile to hit my stride) that I realized that, things turned around.
You have power. You have control. You have influence.
What you need right now is sleep, Imitrex, an ice pack, and to turn off the ringer on your phone. Once your dad is in the hospital (don't worry if he won't go in your car--call an ambulance) it will give you a break.
There is no way any living being could juggle all you are doing and remain sane. Especially without sleep.
{{hugs}}

 

[TerryJ2]

by the way, if you get a spare moment, read THE MANIPULATIVE CHILD. If you are like I am, you'll get ticked off, but it is so true. It's one of the best so-called pieces of advice I've ever gotten.

 

[Confused]

Thank you JKF I know how I used to feel helpful and not stupid when I offered advice or asked a question or just did anything. I used to have a little confidence- ( now none) you think school will help? I have had a long break now and am worried I wont be able to keep up.. i was failing before ( never enough study time also) Ok, thank you, Ill keep in touch, and if I can do anything for you let me know.

TerryJ2, that sounds like a nice dream No phones, no issues. Maybe today as my grandpa is in the hospital ( just left an hr ago ) and dad going out for the night so we will see. I will read that book! Yes, solid sleep, even 6 hr solid no waking up - that be nice