B’smom
Active Member
We had a school prep meeting, just to get things in order. I didn’t want to go, after this summer, I wasn’t mentally prepared for it. I hate these damn meetings, they’re always so overwhelming. They’re mostly negative based even when they try to be positive.
We had 7 reps from the school/board (two resource teachers, principal, VP, 3 people from the board), two of B’s respite workers, the behavioural specialist, the case coordinator, a school advocator (new for B and he’s amazing because he knows the system, knows what the school is legally required to do).
I am super thankful that J was able to attend. I am thankful he came despite the fact that I told him he didn’t have too (he typically isn’t able too).
It all seemed ok, we chatted with everyone before the meeting started. But As soon as they asked me how the summer had been, I broke down in tears. I spent the entire meeting trying to numb myself so I’d stop crying. So I could answer, so I could advocate. I just didn’t have it in me.
J stepped up, he answered for me. I’ve broken down in meetings before, it’s rare that I don’t cry at one point. But I barely managed to get a word in. I flaked and I’ve never done that before. I feel like I need a do-over cause nothing was accomplished really. J stepped up, but he didn’t know who anyone was (we switched school boards and hasn’t met any of them other than the respite worker and behavioural specialist).
He doesn’t deal with the in and outs like I do. When they asked who to call when B has behaviours and needs to go home. I cried even more. Cried because I know it will be me. I cried when they talked about him starting school later and leaving early. I cried because I feel like I’ll never get back to work. I so desperately need to get back to something just for me. I cried because I need a break. I cried because I HATE crying in front of people, I hate feeling vulnerable, hate feeling weak.
I’m counting down the days until he starts school. I need at least a couple of weeks to just enjoy the quiet. The mom guilt is real and strong this week. I’ll be ok, just cannot believe I flaked so badly during this meeting. Anyways, I’m rambling.
We had 7 reps from the school/board (two resource teachers, principal, VP, 3 people from the board), two of B’s respite workers, the behavioural specialist, the case coordinator, a school advocator (new for B and he’s amazing because he knows the system, knows what the school is legally required to do).
I am super thankful that J was able to attend. I am thankful he came despite the fact that I told him he didn’t have too (he typically isn’t able too).
It all seemed ok, we chatted with everyone before the meeting started. But As soon as they asked me how the summer had been, I broke down in tears. I spent the entire meeting trying to numb myself so I’d stop crying. So I could answer, so I could advocate. I just didn’t have it in me.
J stepped up, he answered for me. I’ve broken down in meetings before, it’s rare that I don’t cry at one point. But I barely managed to get a word in. I flaked and I’ve never done that before. I feel like I need a do-over cause nothing was accomplished really. J stepped up, but he didn’t know who anyone was (we switched school boards and hasn’t met any of them other than the respite worker and behavioural specialist).
He doesn’t deal with the in and outs like I do. When they asked who to call when B has behaviours and needs to go home. I cried even more. Cried because I know it will be me. I cried when they talked about him starting school later and leaving early. I cried because I feel like I’ll never get back to work. I so desperately need to get back to something just for me. I cried because I need a break. I cried because I HATE crying in front of people, I hate feeling vulnerable, hate feeling weak.
I’m counting down the days until he starts school. I need at least a couple of weeks to just enjoy the quiet. The mom guilt is real and strong this week. I’ll be ok, just cannot believe I flaked so badly during this meeting. Anyways, I’m rambling.