I have had the worst birthday of my life

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by envisablepuppet, Dec 26, 2006.

  1. envisablepuppet

    envisablepuppet New Member

    difficult children worthless boyfriend gave her a diamond ring tonight. An engagement ring??? He didn't say but it goes on that finger!!!!! :9-07tears: :9-07tears: :9-07tears: :9-07tears:
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im sorry it happened on your birthday but I can so relate to not much caring for our kids partners. Im convinced mine couldnt pick a good mate on a bet. I do a whole lot of sitting on my lips as coookie would say.
  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I'm sorry. I know most of our kids don't have great success finding wonderful partners. :frown:


    TYLERFAN New Member

    Oh Lea,

    I'm sorry this happened.
    Our difficult child's can't pick good partners to save their lives.
    My difficult child claims engagement to her current boyfriend.... 44 years old. When will the wedding be?....In 3-6 years as he is in jail /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif :wildone: /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif
    I guess you have to kind of not say anything too negative as that will only push her closer to boyfriend....at the same time I am sure she has an idea how you feel.
    I hope that in time she will cancel the engagement.
    Hugs my friend.

    Melissa *

    P.S. Happy Belated Birthday :smile:
  5. envisablepuppet

    envisablepuppet New Member

    Thanks everyone. It's a new day and I'm still pretty distraught.

    I asked her if it was an engagement ring and she said he didn't say it was but it looks like one to me. :wildone:

    I asked her once if he asked her to marry him if she would. She said yes but a lot of things would have to change. Like he'd have to get a job, his own place instead of living at his dads dump of a house that he's in no hurry to leave. She didn't say if he'd have to quit hitting her, cheating on her, using drugs, stop the mental abuse he practices daily... I could go on and on. He is not nice to her at all. He has fried his brain from years of serious drug use and is a complete moron. He gets mad at her because she is smarter then him and it causes fights. It's disgusting to watch.

    She has been dating this worthless creep for three years. He's in his 20's.All her friends and family hate him and don't want him around them. Of course his family just loves her and don't understand why she is with him either. They have told her to get rid of him. They also tell him he would be crazy to let her go.

    Of course he'd be crazy to let her go!!! She's very pretty, has a great since of humor, can figure out most anything, has a very good job, and will move up in it pretty fast. Kinda has a house of her own and family and friends that adore her and would do anything for her. Everybody has tried to talk to her but she won't listen of course. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif

    I ask her why she stays with him, what does he do for her, does he ever encourage her or stickup for her or even help her in anyway? Do they even have fun when their together? She can't say yes to any of it. She says she just loves him but can't really say why. She knows he does none of those things. He doesn't hardly ever take her anywhere. She sits around most of the time waiting for him to make time for her!!! I think she is in a rut and is just so used to having him around she just isn't seeing clearly.

    husband and I tried to give this guy a chance but he of course ruined that by always trying to tell us what a worthless piece of dodo our daughter is and that no one can see that but him!!! :hammer: I don't even hate the guy, I just have no use for him and won't deal with him. He is a total control freak and accuses her of everything and anything that pops into his head. The only thing he hasn't been able to control is her relationship with us. I guess she draws the line there.

    husband would like to wring his neck and if he ever finds out creepboy put his hands on her OMG :wildone: That is why I try to not let him find out. I don't want my husband in prison and if the boyfriend survived I know she would continue to be with him. I don't get it. Her father is almost the total opposite of the boyfriend. I heard that daughters will choose men that are a lot like their fathers. What happened with mine!?!?

    If she marries this guy they may as well elope because no one will go to the wedding. They feel like I do and won't act like they condone the marriage. My poor future grand babies :9-07tears:

    Thanks again for the sympathetic ears

  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Do you suppose it's really a real diamond? I'm sure you'll never know for sure.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm thinking it's a good thing her b/f doesn't think of it as an egagement ring. And it is good that difficult child does at least see some of his faults. Hopefully with time she will come to see enough that she doesn't want to be with him.

    I know that I've been so lucky with the mates my daughters have chosen.

    Happy belated birthday.

  8. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    just want you to know I hear you, Lea!
    perhaps you could just ignore them as much as possible.
  9. Jen

    Jen New Member

    OK so should we try to even think positive at all here?
    Sorry that it put a damper on your birthday

  10. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    Maybe it will take forever for anything to happen so it won't matter at all.

    thinking of you.
  11. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I am so sorry. It is so sad to have the happiness taken out of a situation. If he was a great guy you would be on cloud nine. Instead you are hoping they will break up. (((HUGS))) -RM
  12. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    Well, I can totally relate. My difficult child#2 got his girlfriend pregnant and he married her when he was 18 and now he's 19 and they have two kids and they have so much drama in their lives I've told them I don't even want to hear about it. Sad to say, he's probably worse than she is but it is definitely not what I would have chosen for him.
    difficult child#1 had a girlfriend who was a crack head and 20 years older than he was. Finally he got rid of her but now he is dating one his own age but she has two kids and is crazy and has an IQ of about 80 (difficult child's is over 140). She has been in trouble with the law numerous times. I am hoping he will see the light eventully but I am keeping my mouth shut as I know that is the only way to deal with the situation.

    I think ALL parents have to come to the realization eventually that when their kids are adults (even if it's only chronologically and physically and not mentally or psychologically) we have to sit back and let them make their own choices and their own mistakes and find a life of our own and let it roll off us like water off a duck. It's not easy for ANYBODY and it's even harder for us whose kids make so many RIDICULOUS choices but there's really no alternative except making ourselves crazy and I refuse to do that.

    Good luck; maybe she'll see the light yet. All you can do is hope for the best.
  13. envisablepuppet

    envisablepuppet New Member

    And the drama continues.... He already took the ring back. What a surprise. They got in a huge fight last night in the wee hours of the morn and had to drag me and husband into it!!!! Haven't seen husband yet today and am not sure I want to. He is furious to say the least. Don't know if difficult child even made it to work. Won't be surprised if husband doesnt kick her out of the house he is letting her stay in. It is right next door. In the very least he probably won't let the boyfriend back over.

    If I had my way I would disengage myself from the whole thing and let it be her problem because after all, that's what it is. HER problem. I know husband won't do that tho. He is in a rage. He just has no patience for this kind of thing. Of course difficult child and boyfriend will kiss and make up before the end of the day I'm sure. That will even make husband madder and he may just disown her. I do not need this stress in my life!!! husband and difficult child are so much a like sometimes they both make me sick. Talk about stubborn and hardheaded /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif

    husband can't understand that where difficult child is concerned there's somethings I just can't do. I can disengage from her drama of a life and I really try to not enable her. But what I can't do is just throw her away. She has come so far in such a short time. If he kicks her out of that house that leaves her homeless and the next thing to go will be her job. Then she may get back to the drug life and I can't deal with that. I'm not willing to take that risk for my own sanity. I do what I have to do to keep myself sane and their not helping.

    The thing that makes me the maddest is that husband was worse then she is when he was her age!!!! He acts like he forgot all about that. I wonder where he thinks she gets it from?!? I was pretty responsible when I was that age. He sure wasn't. I met him when he was in his late 20's and he still didn't always do all the right things. He was in his 30's before that started happening. I think she is doing better then he did at this age. To listen to him you'd think he never made a bad choice in his life. I am not looking forward to my day.

    Did I mention difficult child and the boyfriend were drinking?!?!

    Sorry this is so long but I feel better for the vent. I'm just so disgusted.

    I think I'll become one of those runaway housewife's

  14. jamrobmic

    jamrobmic New Member

    My husband was a difficult child as well when he was younger (he didn't have the mood issues difficult child has, but I believe he did/does have ADHD, and didn't have a lot of supervision when he was growing up, either). Sometimes when husband comments on something difficult child or one of difficult child's friends is doing, it helps if I tell him to think back to when he was their age. He usually sees the humor in it and lays off. It's true the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but sometimes it's hard for husband's to admit the tree was in their orchard, not yours :smile: .

    I totally understand, too, about not wanting to put your difficult child in a position where she might fall into drugs, etc. I feel the same way about my son. He's not being very productive right now, but he's also staying out of trouble (as far as I know), so I'm not willing to rock the boat right now. I think that's a decision we each have to make for ourselves.
  15. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    Just want to give you a gentle hug.
  16. envisablepuppet

    envisablepuppet New Member

    Thanks for the kind thoughts everyone.

    Well it went better with husband then I could have ever dreamed it could. :bravo: I was at work when difficult child got home but things were fine when I got home.

    Like Sue C's daughter my dear difficult child took the blame for everything. It was all her fault!!! God forbid anyone should think badly of her stupid boyfriend. I know she lied because she is so busy kissing his b*** that she doesnt have time to pick fights with the jerk. She told a completely different story then the one she told the night before and neither husband nor I believe a word of it. We just choose to let her think we do. Why have another big confrontation about her stupidity over this boy. husband did say he told her what he thought of him in no uncertain terms.

    Of course difficult child stayed at his house last night. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif Those two have such a sick relationship it's just beyond words.

    Witz: I'm pretty sure the ring is a real diamond but you don't even wanna know how he got the money for it. I'm sure difficult child will be paying for it one way or the other. I know a lot of her money is going in his pocket.

    Lisa: difficult child has had so many great boyfriend's but when she was using she hooked up whit this idiot and can't seem to move on from him. I wouldn't think he would marry her any time soon, he doesnt have either a home or a job.

    Janet: difficult child and I rarely discuss her boyfriend. She gets mad and says I never have anything positive to say about him. Now I wonder why that would be. I have decided he is her problem not mine. That is of course unless she makes it mine like she did the other night.

    Jen: The only positive thing I can think of here is that they haven't killed each other yet. How sad is that. There truly isn't any positives here and it's not looking to good for there ever being anything positive in this relationship at any future time.

    Sunny: Unless they plan to live in his car... I don't think a wedding is in their near future. I have decided if she decides to marry him, I will have no part of it. I have given it a lot of thought for a long time, and I just can't condone her doing that. All friends and family say the same thing. It's really that bad.

    RM: If it was just a matter of just not liking the guy I could live with that. My husband and mother just grate on each other. The problem in this relationship is that it's just down right poisoness. The idea of them bring children into their mess of a relationship is just terrifying.

    muttmeister: I light candles and pray everyday she doesnt get pregnant. She is very lax where her birth control is concerned. She says she can't get pregnant:wildone: Famous last words.

    jamrobmic: husband was actually kinda babying her last night. Totally shocked me. I expected to come home to a lot of bad feelings. I was so pleased that didn't happen for once.

    Sue: Thanks for the hug. Believe it or not, it really did make me feel better.

    Today is looking better. I'm glad yesterday is done and it went so much better then expected. I know she is waiting for me to say something about it but I have no plans to do so. He is her problem not mine. She knows how I feel and she knows why. I feel no need to repeat myself.

    Someday I will learn how to write a short post :rofl:

    Hugs all