I Just Cannot Win

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Janna, Mar 20, 2007.

  1. Janna

    Janna New Member

    You know, I try, but for some reason, I always walk off being the bad guy.

    NOT the foster mother difficult child 2 is with now, but the PREVIOUS, the one he was removed from TWICE because of "abuse", is again contacting him through the internet.

    Now, the two older children that she has, they want to communicate with difficult child 2 also. I'm actually ok with all of them saying hi and being friends, as long as it's kept appropriate.

    I don't need this FM trying to do whatever it is she's trying to do (I can't figure it out) by asking difficult child 2 if he wants to come back to her home, reliving the past, speaking of sleepovers and all that stuff. It's just inappropriate.

    I could have went to my attorney. I could have went to CPS. I could have made a big stink. Instead, I chose to message her myself, explaining that I do read difficult child 2's mail, so to please keep the friendship appropriate, and not to insinuate that he is coming back to her, or even think there may be a chance, because there isn't one. Additionally, she has photos of him on her MySpace page depicting him as her son.

    She went off. Called me mean, told me she sees now why difficult child 2 said I'm a crazy person and he must have been telling truth about me all along. Geez.

    If I would have went to the appropriate people with this, I have a feeling she would have been in some trouble. I asked her nicely, keeping it between the two of us, and got punched. She didn't understand.

    More drama to add to the story that isn't needed. It'll go back to difficult child 2 through her and then it'll open another can of worms that I don't want.

    I try. I really do. Just gets me every time.

  2. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    Foster mum's actions really should be documented & reported. There is no way that she should be contacting your difficult child; nor should she be "inviting" him back to her home.

    That door has been closed. This is inappropriate & very unprofessional.

    If I were in your place, I would document this conversation, make copies of the emails & such & hand them in to her supervisor.

    This woman has stepped way over the line.

    Now, I'm adding to your drama - it's rubbing off from kt, the drama queen. LOL
  3. oceans

    oceans New Member

    Janna!!! I can't imagine this woman. She sounds a little bit "out there"...OK...a lot out there! Maybe if she keeps this stuff up it will give you no choice but to tell the proper people about it?

    Has anything else moved forward on him coming home?
  4. On_Call

    On_Call New Member

    I agree with Linda - I would definitely print out the emails and/or forward them to CPS. That way, you are reporting it - not her. She may take it upon herself to talk to them, saying that difficult child reached out to her, etc. Just my .02, but I'd rather be the one on the reporting side of this situation.

    I also agree that what she is doing is absolutely inappropriate. Jeesh. You should report it if only to stop someone else from being in the same situation with her in the future. She should not be a FM in the system if she is going to operate in this way, in my humble opinion.
  5. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    The prior FM is the FM from H*LL!!! I've never been in a situation such as this so I probably don't have any useful advice. in my humble opinion, I think you should tell your attorney about this and let him decide if CPS should be contacted. It is not normal that she has pictures of difficult child 2 and is claiming that he is her son!!! She is totally TWISTED!!!

    I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Sending cyber hugs :flower: WFEN
  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    The only thing (in my humble opinion) that you did wrong was to not keep your priorities straight. Your child's long term well-being is the primary concern here, not whether or not ex-FM gets in trouble for actions she chose to take. Trying to keep your eye on the goal may help you from being muddled up in situations like this in the future. {{{Hugs}}}
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Janna, it may be illegal to have YOUR minor son on her page, listed as her son. I'd turn her in. Seems like she doesn't understand fostering and can't let go, and she shouldn't have kids in her house. You were VERY nice, and her attack on you is more indication that she's not stable enough to take in other people's kids. You have control over which adults contact your under 18 child. Download the MySpace page and all your e-mails, and show them to CPS. You'll be doing future foster kids who may have the bad luck of being placed with her a favor. Foster kids have enough issues without her "you're my son" making things even worse. Hugs!!!
  8. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    I would go to the appropriate parties and show them the emails. This woman is a nut.

  9. Alisonlg

    Alisonlg New Member

    W-O-W! I'd definately say this woman has some issues to work through. I agree with everyone here- make sure your printer is stocked up on ink and print everything out, stick it in a nice manilla file folder, and drop off one set to your attorney and one set to CPS. And if you don't want to feel like the "bad guy" REPORTING her, then say you're giving them the "heads-up" on your conversation of what went down...and I'm sure they'll take it from there.

    What that FM is doing is WRONG and way out of line. You have every right to stand up and protect your son.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Janna, it may be illegal to have YOUR minor son on her page, listed as her son.

    Now this is a good point.
    Hadn't even thought of that.
    Good luck!
  11. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #663366"> janna, you should have turned her in when this first occurred. you've kept all the documentation haven't you. time to gather it all & put everything in writing.....notify the authorities.

    </span> </span> </span>
  12. mum2JK&TH

    mum2JK&TH New Member

    I agree that you should have turned her in at the beginning, if for no other reason than for the sake of difficult child 2, he doesn't need this. Way to many head-games for a kid just trying to get his head on straight as it is. He needs to be able to move on and this woman is putting that at risk.
    You are trying to be too nice to everyone and you are the one getting hurt.
    It has to stop for both your sake.

    Turn her in and let the authorities and CPS deal with it.

    (((HUGS HON)))
  13. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    Ditto on what everyone else has said. This woman's continued interest in your son, to me, is a bit creepy and gives me an ick feeling. :eek: I don't know why. I do agree with you that it's totally inappropriate :nonono: for her to suggest sleepovers and such. Your son needs to move on and try straighten out his head and life, and her calling his mother "crazy" will not help your difficult child in the slightest. You tried being nice about it and got kicked for it, now it's time to make it official and turn all the emails etc. over to her supervisor, and as someone else suggested, copies to your lawyer.

    Hope you can get this woman to back off so your difficult child can move on.
  14. Janna

    Janna New Member

    You're all 100% right. I did this to myself.

    Yes, Kris, saved everything, even the photos with the captions. Everything has been forwarded to my attorney today via fax and regular mail. I was able to slip into difficult child 2's account today to print the most recent from last night. Basically it is her telling difficult child 2 that I said her conversations were inappropriate, I'm a psycho, and difficult child 2 telling her that I won't get in the way of their relationship.


    This whole thing. I should just move, change my name to Carmella, and let them all live in happiness.

    Thanks again,

  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm a psycho, and difficult child 2 telling her that I won't get in the way of their relationship.

    Yikes! There's no excuse for her typing that or thinking it! Arrrgh!

    Good luck.