I messed up, fiance moved out and now I don't know what to do

[InsaneCdn]

ADD and being an adult...
I knew back early in my professional life, that I was probably ADD, but I was able to "manage", so didn't pursue diagnosis or medications.

But by the time I was married, with two kids, and one at least was definitely special needs... I couldn't hold it together anymore.
husband supported my search for diagnosis, and then for medications... and he soon learned the difference between "me" and "me plus medications" (he'll take the latter any day!).

I find the issue isn't dealing with the focus - I can dig in and focus on almost anything, even stuff like housework which I hate - the big issue is dealing with distraction. Once the focus in interrupted, its hard to remember what I was even doing... unless I'm on medications. medications slow my brain down enough to "store" stuff, so I can return to it "after the commercial break" (i.e. kid needs snack, phone rings, dog needs to go out, husband has a question, yada yada yada). Even then... half of coping is learning the strategies.

See if you can find the book about ADDulthood - adults with ADD. Its REALLY good. But its been about 6 months since I last read it, so... thanks to my wonderful houseful of ADD/ADHDers... I'm not exactly sure where it is, or I'd look up the exact title and author.

 

[pajamas]

Lol! I was a late diagnosis - over 40

medications are an individual decision, and I've been on and off them. Haven't really found the right combination that works for me. At this time, my job is very ADD-friendly, I'm able to be open about it, and my boss gets it. The non-linear thinking aspect is an asset in my work and I can hyperfocus then slack off without consequence.

It hasn't always been the case. I originally sought out medications when I was in a job with major safety implications to mistakes - not just to me or my staff, but to the whole community. I couldn't afford a screw-up. If you are in a medical setting, you may have similar issues. If a momentary oversight or distraction could affect someone's life, you owe it to your customers/patients and colleagues, as well as yourself, to find the medications or accommodations that work for you.

 

[susiestar]

I LOVE the "Idea-Think-Do". It phrases it so clearly and concisely.

Around my house we don't call it ADHD or ADD. It is ADOS - Attention Deficit OooH SHiny. And even though Wiz is the only one of us who has the diagnosis or would ever qualify for it, we ALL succumb to ADOS now and then.

You are doing great. You messed up. You realized it. Now you see the problems and are taking big steps to find solutions. You really can't ask more of anyone, including yourself, than that.

The break and therapy might be exactly what both of you need to start marriage on a solid foundation. Alsor ealize that problems are not short term. husband and I still quarrel over the same things we did the first year we were married. We just celebrated our 20th last August. So you will ALWAYS need to work on stuff. Which means that what seems like a crisis really isn't, and it CAN be worked through!

Congrats on talking it through and really seeing the problem and seeking help. in my opinion it is HUGE HUGE HUGE!

Also congrats on the job and getting help getting difficult child to school! You found a solution for that problem, didn''t you? Celebrate your successes - even the little ones. It gives you fuel to keep on.