I need something funny quick
- Thread starter Abbey
- Start date
Marcie Mac
Just Plain Ole Tired
Am going to PM you my story on Cinderella's Cat 
hearts and roses
Mind Reader
Disclaimer: Not to offend - just to give Abbey a laugh! Moderators: please delete if this is deemed inappropriate for this board.
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,"Father, I have a problem.I have two female parrots,but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
They say,"Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed,then he thought for a moment."You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem.I have two male talking parrots,which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.Bring your two parrots over to my house,and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship,and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day,she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.Impressed,she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes,the female parrots cried out in unison:Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"There was stunned silence.Shocked,one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed,"Put the beads away, Frank.Our prayers have been answered!"
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,"Father, I have a problem.I have two female parrots,but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
They say,"Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed,then he thought for a moment."You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem.I have two male talking parrots,which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.Bring your two parrots over to my house,and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship,and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day,she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.Impressed,she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes,the female parrots cried out in unison:Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"There was stunned silence.Shocked,one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed,"Put the beads away, Frank.Our prayers have been answered!"
hearts and roses
Mind Reader
A TOUGH OLD COWBOY FROM DILLON, MONTANA, COUNSELED HIS GRANDSON THAT IF HE WANTED TO LIVE A LONG LIFE, THE SECRET WAS TO SPRINKLE A PINCH OF GUN POWDER ON HIS OATMEAL EVERY MORNING.
THE GRANDSON DID THIS RELIGIOUSLY, TO THE AGE OF 103.
WHEN HE DIED, AT THE AGE OF 103, HE LEFT BEHIND,
14 CHILDREN, 30 GRANDCHILDREN, 45 GREAT-GRAND-CHILDREN, 25 GREAT-GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, AND A 15 FOOT HOLE WHERE THE CREMATORIUM USED TO BE.
Bud-um-bump-tsh!
Mikey
Psycho Gorilla Dad
Being as I'm an original LSU Tiger fan, maybe an Aggie joke would work?
"A young man walks in to the Texas A&M Student Health Center one day with a frog on his head. After waiting patiently, the nurse calls the young man up and asks 'how can we help you?' To her surprise, the frog speaks up and says 'Do you have a dermatologist available? I'd like to have a wart removed from my butt."
Or, if you like Cajun jokes...
"Guidry and Boudreaux were out in the swamps hunting, when they realized they were lost. Guidry says "Boudreaux, we sho in some trouble, chat. Go and shoot tree times - that's the call for help". So Boudreaux does as his friend asks, but nobody comes. A little later, Guidry says "Boudreaux, take you up the bayou a bit and shoot tree mo times". Boudreaux paddles the bateau up the bayou a bit, shoots three more times, but still no help comes. When the sun is setting, Guidry finally says "Boudreaux, try one mo time, or we gone be gator bait for sure". Boudreaux looks back at his friend and says "but Guidry, I only have two arrows left...."
Mikey
"A young man walks in to the Texas A&M Student Health Center one day with a frog on his head. After waiting patiently, the nurse calls the young man up and asks 'how can we help you?' To her surprise, the frog speaks up and says 'Do you have a dermatologist available? I'd like to have a wart removed from my butt."
Or, if you like Cajun jokes...
"Guidry and Boudreaux were out in the swamps hunting, when they realized they were lost. Guidry says "Boudreaux, we sho in some trouble, chat. Go and shoot tree times - that's the call for help". So Boudreaux does as his friend asks, but nobody comes. A little later, Guidry says "Boudreaux, take you up the bayou a bit and shoot tree mo times". Boudreaux paddles the bateau up the bayou a bit, shoots three more times, but still no help comes. When the sun is setting, Guidry finally says "Boudreaux, try one mo time, or we gone be gator bait for sure". Boudreaux looks back at his friend and says "but Guidry, I only have two arrows left...."
Mikey
(Sorry Star...if it happened, I'd be happy for you. Glad that it is YOU and not me.)Coming in late, Abbey, but this conversation took place last night between Diva and husband (who does his best to refer all birds and bees issues with- all kids to me - chicken that he is). It should be noted that we live in a teeny tiny little blue collar burg that is *very* conservative:
Diva: Dad, what is U-N-I-S-E-X? (she spelled it out)
husband: (who heard "you n' I s-e-x") Gulp gasp gurgle - Diva!! Where did you come up with that???
Diva: It's on that sign over there.
husband: (who is having visions of marching right up to village hall and having a talk with our town president about what kind of businesses he's letting into our town until he notes... it's a hair parlor) Uhhhh (deep breaths, trying to bring blood pressure down).... uhhhh... ask your mother.
I laughed until I cried when he relayed this.
Diva: Dad, what is U-N-I-S-E-X? (she spelled it out)
husband: (who heard "you n' I s-e-x") Gulp gasp gurgle - Diva!! Where did you come up with that???
Diva: It's on that sign over there.
husband: (who is having visions of marching right up to village hall and having a talk with our town president about what kind of businesses he's letting into our town until he notes... it's a hair parlor) Uhhhh (deep breaths, trying to bring blood pressure down).... uhhhh... ask your mother.
I laughed until I cried when he relayed this.
Hey, for another laugh, I recently told my husband that HE has to be the one to do the Birds &the Bees with thank you. I did it with the other 2, but it is like pottytraining. The dad should do the boys.
Then I told him that when difficult child had questions I let him shoot "tampon rockets" to see what a tampon was like. He asked what they were like.
husband got a really strange look, stammered around for a bit and then swallowed and walked away.
It was very very funny. You problem can imagine the look on his face.
Then I told him that when difficult child had questions I let him shoot "tampon rockets" to see what a tampon was like. He asked what they were like.
husband got a really strange look, stammered around for a bit and then swallowed and walked away.
It was very very funny. You problem can imagine the look on his face.
