KFld
New Member
The topic of my counseling session last night ended in my needing to learn to be more assertive and stop worrying about everyone elses feelings. I'm also supposed to figure out before next Thursday where this came from. Why do I let people walk all over me and say whatever they want and I am so afraid to open my mouth?? My counselor pointed out to me that I wasn't born this way. Something in my life has caused this, but I have been like this for as long as I can remember. Confrontation and saying how I feel makes me a huge ball of anxiety. I bite my tongue all the time and then totally regret it afterwards. Even my husband, after all he has done to me, there are so many things I want to say to him, but I'm afraid to hurt his feelings????????
Take this morning, he comes in before I leave for work and he starts putting pressure on me to answer things I don't even have answers to yet. He wants to know how I'm feeling about what is going on and if I have any intention on ever working on our marriage? I should have said, at this point no, but this move is what I need to do to figure out if I'm ever going to want to. I didn't say that though. Instead I said, I haven't even gotten as far as thinking about that yet, because to be honest would cause confrontation. To give him a direct answer and say right now, no, I'm working on myself right now and whether I'm ever going to be interested in saving our marriage in the future isn't even one of my priorites right now.
I have to learn to do this because all this does is give him false hope. I have to be honest with my feelings. I don't think I'm in love with him anymore and I don't think I have been for a long time, and maybe if I had been honest with him about this years ago, we could have dealt with it a long time ago.
I am going to call him tonight and be honest with him and tell him, no, I'm not concentrating on saving our marriage right now, I'm concentrating on me and nobody else. I can't worry about how this will make him feel. I know I will feel better afterwards and that is what has to matter to me right now.
Anyone else out there have this problem.
Take this morning, he comes in before I leave for work and he starts putting pressure on me to answer things I don't even have answers to yet. He wants to know how I'm feeling about what is going on and if I have any intention on ever working on our marriage? I should have said, at this point no, but this move is what I need to do to figure out if I'm ever going to want to. I didn't say that though. Instead I said, I haven't even gotten as far as thinking about that yet, because to be honest would cause confrontation. To give him a direct answer and say right now, no, I'm working on myself right now and whether I'm ever going to be interested in saving our marriage in the future isn't even one of my priorites right now.
I have to learn to do this because all this does is give him false hope. I have to be honest with my feelings. I don't think I'm in love with him anymore and I don't think I have been for a long time, and maybe if I had been honest with him about this years ago, we could have dealt with it a long time ago.
I am going to call him tonight and be honest with him and tell him, no, I'm not concentrating on saving our marriage right now, I'm concentrating on me and nobody else. I can't worry about how this will make him feel. I know I will feel better afterwards and that is what has to matter to me right now.
Anyone else out there have this problem.