Tiapet
Old Hand
yet I did it anyway and invest all the time energy and effort into it. I'm trying desperately to just look at it from the perspective that "well at least he got good care to begin with when it mattered most" but all else...pffft!
So what I knew would happen did. My mother and step father are going back up north the day after he is released from having his surgery for the cancer (not even knowing the extent or anything at this point- how can you even think like this?). They are sooo homesick? Of what? The mess that they had up there? The many problems with the medical care, the place they lived, and every other gosh darn thing mom called me about complaining and crying and "woah is me" constantly about? I get it, I know they were comfortable and established and "knowing" how to get by in life up there but they really had NO friends. Very little family (not anyone that did anything for them or really talked to them). NO support, etc. What's to miss? I expected time for adjustment but they haven't even really got established here in any way shape or form. My mother wouldn't let me do this for her. Wouldn't let me set up dr's appointments for her so that she can get things taken care of for her. It was always "after his surgery". She kept wanting to go look at apartments or houses that were way beyond her means and I'd tell her so but she always said " I just have to call for my own sake", even after I warned her about how they'd want credit checks and no, she couldn't "finagle" a way around them doing it and that some places here want 2 months security (where did she think she was coming up with ANY security right now?). I have a way that she was going to get some help but she had all these restrictions on how, where, etc she wanted to live (like a house, 2 bedroom that they didn't need, etc). She was really....well seemed delusional. Just so many things I could post about. I'm just floored that she did this...so soon. I mean like I said, I kind of expected this and said I bet anything they were making me (ok they didn't "Make"me do this I did it because they needed it and wanted it) going through all the hoops I did to get them here to have a better life when their real intentions always were to go back up once he was done getting "fixed" per say.
I really DO know my mother and the way she thinks soooo well. It's sad. I made it very clear to her though that once she does this I can't do anything more for her. That I can't in anyway help her get back up north at all and that is the truth and a fact. She is so desperate that she is leaving the very little that she brought down her, down here and leaving with basically the clothes on her back now. The were able to get a new bed since they didn't even come with one. I do not see how that is going to be able to be tied on top of their mini van to get back up there. It's a queen bed! It's not going to fit.
This is how she has always been all my life. Up and move...just like that and sacrifice everything on a whim without thinking through everything. This time I started presenting things to her about what she's going back to, how is she going to do this, where is she going to go, etc., etc., etc. SHE DOES NOT CARE! I mean....it is truly nuts and he is right there with her! If he was just her I might seriously consider getting her baker acted but it's him to and I can't do that to him. It's not as easy.
I know it's a lot of stress on them all this sudden change and such but there is much based on fact that I believe they went into this believing they would just go back up north and now that they found out that once he has the surgery he has to maintain the treatment immediately after (chemo?) for perhaps up to a year, assuming what ever level they find of cancer once in there IS treatable, so now it's a sudden urgency to leave because he can't stop or delay this treatment so they want to get there. ASAP! I said what if it's not treatable, God forbid? She says well then he is "home" and that's where he will die. On that one I get but not the other. I just can't believe the dr ok'd this just like that knowing nothing of all this.
Anyway....I'm just sooo done with it and all. I really just want to finally...once and for all walk away from my mother and what she does like this to me. This is the worst case of how she's done something like this to me after jumping through hoops to help her and get her out of a mess.
Am I really thinking rational about this? I mean I know ya'll don't know our history and all but just this alone......
So what I knew would happen did. My mother and step father are going back up north the day after he is released from having his surgery for the cancer (not even knowing the extent or anything at this point- how can you even think like this?). They are sooo homesick? Of what? The mess that they had up there? The many problems with the medical care, the place they lived, and every other gosh darn thing mom called me about complaining and crying and "woah is me" constantly about? I get it, I know they were comfortable and established and "knowing" how to get by in life up there but they really had NO friends. Very little family (not anyone that did anything for them or really talked to them). NO support, etc. What's to miss? I expected time for adjustment but they haven't even really got established here in any way shape or form. My mother wouldn't let me do this for her. Wouldn't let me set up dr's appointments for her so that she can get things taken care of for her. It was always "after his surgery". She kept wanting to go look at apartments or houses that were way beyond her means and I'd tell her so but she always said " I just have to call for my own sake", even after I warned her about how they'd want credit checks and no, she couldn't "finagle" a way around them doing it and that some places here want 2 months security (where did she think she was coming up with ANY security right now?). I have a way that she was going to get some help but she had all these restrictions on how, where, etc she wanted to live (like a house, 2 bedroom that they didn't need, etc). She was really....well seemed delusional. Just so many things I could post about. I'm just floored that she did this...so soon. I mean like I said, I kind of expected this and said I bet anything they were making me (ok they didn't "Make"me do this I did it because they needed it and wanted it) going through all the hoops I did to get them here to have a better life when their real intentions always were to go back up once he was done getting "fixed" per say.
I really DO know my mother and the way she thinks soooo well. It's sad. I made it very clear to her though that once she does this I can't do anything more for her. That I can't in anyway help her get back up north at all and that is the truth and a fact. She is so desperate that she is leaving the very little that she brought down her, down here and leaving with basically the clothes on her back now. The were able to get a new bed since they didn't even come with one. I do not see how that is going to be able to be tied on top of their mini van to get back up there. It's a queen bed! It's not going to fit.
This is how she has always been all my life. Up and move...just like that and sacrifice everything on a whim without thinking through everything. This time I started presenting things to her about what she's going back to, how is she going to do this, where is she going to go, etc., etc., etc. SHE DOES NOT CARE! I mean....it is truly nuts and he is right there with her! If he was just her I might seriously consider getting her baker acted but it's him to and I can't do that to him. It's not as easy.
I know it's a lot of stress on them all this sudden change and such but there is much based on fact that I believe they went into this believing they would just go back up north and now that they found out that once he has the surgery he has to maintain the treatment immediately after (chemo?) for perhaps up to a year, assuming what ever level they find of cancer once in there IS treatable, so now it's a sudden urgency to leave because he can't stop or delay this treatment so they want to get there. ASAP! I said what if it's not treatable, God forbid? She says well then he is "home" and that's where he will die. On that one I get but not the other. I just can't believe the dr ok'd this just like that knowing nothing of all this.
Anyway....I'm just sooo done with it and all. I really just want to finally...once and for all walk away from my mother and what she does like this to me. This is the worst case of how she's done something like this to me after jumping through hoops to help her and get her out of a mess.
Am I really thinking rational about this? I mean I know ya'll don't know our history and all but just this alone......