I want to cry....HELP

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by shellchey12, Apr 6, 2007.

  1. shellchey12

    shellchey12 New Member

    Hi, my name is Michelle and I am new to this website. I took my 4yr old to a psychologist today and she said ODD. husband and I knew something was up, but having our concerns validated just makes me want to cry. How do you deal with the constant screaming at the top of her lungs without screaming back? We are so frustrated. Have tried everything for disipline, nothing works. I LOVE my daughter, but I really don't like at all. How do y ou keep from going crazy. I guess I just need someone to talk to.....please help. :crying:
     
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Hi Michelle,
    Your post really struck a cord in me. It could have been written by me three years ago. The first thing to understand is that ODD is almost always has a co-morbid condition. When the underlying condition is effectively addressed then the ODD behaviors often subside. Also, a psychologist isn't qualified to actually diagnose childhood disorders, that is why many come up with only the ODD diagnosis.

    I had to learn how to separate my daughter from her difficult behaviors. It's still a challenge, but I'm doing better with it. The Explosive Child by Ross Greene really helped me to be a better parent for her by teaching me how to pick me battles and not further escalate her meltdowns.

    It would help us keep things straight if you write a signature which gives us some basic (but non-identifying) info about your daughter.

    Some questions:
    How was your daughter's infancy? Easy? Difficult?
    When did her challenging behaviors start?
    Is there any history of substance abuse, mood disorders or neurological disorders in the family tree? Many disorders are hereditary & clustered in families.
    Is she in school/daycare? Any problems there?
    How does she do with friends/peers?
    Does she has strong reactions to loud rooms, food textures, clothing or bright lights?
    Does she seem frustrated rather than angry when she rages?
    Any underlying health conditions?
     
  3. shellchey12

    shellchey12 New Member

    How was your daughter's infancy? Easy? Difficult?

    Very difficult, her Sperm Donor(school district) was living with-us for about 18mo but was not there emotionally, I left him in 8/04. Met DADDY in 10/04.

    When did her challenging behaviors start?

    Started about age 2.5

    Is there any history of substance abuse, mood disorders or neurological disorders in the family tree?

    Addiction on both sides of the family, heavy on mine. Mood disorders on both sides, again heavy on mine Bipolar, ADD/ADHD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), ODD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), etc

    Is she in school/daycare? Any problems there?
    Attends preschool, they say she is wonderful, only a few "normal" tantrums


    How does she do with friends/peers?

    She does ok until things dont go her way, then watch out. Doesnt have too many friends as she alienates them real quick.


    Does she has strong reactions to loud rooms, food textures, clothing or bright lights?

    Doesnt like loud noises, any thing red to eat, ~Very particular
    about certain things...blankets have to be flat..or else

    Does she seem frustrated rather than angry when she rages?

    Sometimes, other times she just rages


    Any underlying health conditions?

    What exactly does this mean....Asthma, allergies, bites nails until they bleed. Won't sleep.

    Hopefully I did this right,

    Michelle
     
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    So, what you are saying is that your little princess could me my daughter, lol! Except the asthma, we dodged that bullet.
    My daughter may very well have a mood disorder or even a neurological disorder but what we do know right now is that she has allergies. This has made her extremely difficult to deal with.
    If I were you, given the family tree, I would continue to seek out qualified evaluations (by a developmental pediatrician, board certified psychiatrist or a neuropsychologist). Early interventions help. You also want to find out if she has sensory integration problems, a diagnosis of sensory integration dysfunction may be co-morbid or stand alone. She has some red flags for it. But I would also want to ensure that her allergies were being effectively controlled and that she doesn't have an undx'd sleep disorder. My daughter looked like she had a sleep problem because her allergies were disrupting her sleep. It made her exhausted and impossible to live with.
     
  5. Wildflower

    Wildflower Active Member

    Hi Michelle,

    Cope, simply, one day at a time. Sometimes, even one hour at a time. As TiredMommy suggests, reading books like The Explosive Child are helpful. I found that arming myself with information and then developing a plan really helped. You just have to stick with it and only choose a few things to change at first. It does get better. As TM says, once you get a grip on what is causing the ODD and start addressing the root of the problem, the ODD starts to fade.

    I hear you on the screaming front. When my difficult child did that, I used to whisper back, very nonchalantly and calmly. It would usually startle him. I would say to him that we don't shout. When he'd talk normally to me, I'd say "good talking." I would give him positive praise for all the right things he did every chance I had. All I'd say was "good (fill in the blank)." Just two or three words. It took a long time to get him to turn around; but he did. He never really shouts now. In fact, the whole family has made it a point not to shout and we were a bunch of yellers a while back. I have to say, if there was one thing I did that worked in the early years, it was just piling on the positive praise and keeping my cool.

    You also need to believe in yourself that you can get through this. Set your goal in granite, your path to it in sand. You are going to have to try lots of approaches to find what works for your difficult child.

    And if all else fails, just eat lots of chocolate!
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'd also make sure she had a multidisciplinary exam. She has some red flags for things beyond ODD and I'd want her checked out more thoroughly. We haven't had much luck with regular psychologists making good diagnosis. Most kids here have ODD, but it rarely stands alone as THE diagnosis. Usually it is the result of a bigger disorder--a child's mood disorder or a form of autism, etc. which triggers defiance. I strongly recommend looking beyond what this psychologist told you. Unfortunately, the first diagnosis, especially for a young kid, is rarely the whole picture and, if not caught, the child can get worse instead of better. We went through this. With all the professionals we saw, we didn't get the right diagnosis. or right help until our son was 11, and then everything clicked and things REALLY improved. It takes perseverance. Hugs and good luck
     
  7. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    How I keep my sanity with difficult child 1's behavior is to divided it up. That is a bi-polar behavior, or an anxiety behavior, or ADHD behavior. Then I figure out how to deal with it better. It might sound weird and probably only works for me, but its what I do.
     
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