I'm livid

[Liahona]

I have been patient with the teacher and aide. Now I'm thinking of starting up the chain of command.

difficult child 1 had visitation on Monday. Immediately after visitation he heard voices. His behavior started to escalate.

difficult child 1 told aide on Friday (while he was in hysterics) a threat X had said to him to physically harm him. (I'm assuming X said this on Monday.)

difficult child 1 went to visitation terrified on Friday. (I didn't know about the threat. My mom calmed him down by saying she would call him everyday he was there. difficult child 1 told her he was scared because X was saying he was moving. X made sure the calls didn't happen with out lots of controlling and drama by him.)

difficult child 1 came back on Monday saying what a wonderful time he had.

Tuesday the teacher calls me and has the aide tell me about the threat. They want me to tell them what to do about it. Aide thinks she knows what difficult child 1 is going through because her parents are divorced. I tell the aide to call cps. I try to talk to difficult child 1 about it. He said "I'm fine. Don't worry about it."

My mom has some info she wants to make sure cps hears. She calls cps on Wen. She is told there has not been a phone call from the school. Maybe its taking time to get in the system call back tomorrow. I e-mail teacher asking about it. I get an e-mail back saying the teacher told aide to call but teacher will make sure and get back with me in the morning. Teacher is also noticing much more defiance from difficult child 1.

Mom calls cps today and is told school did not call. Its 9pm. No e-mail or call from the teacher. I'm livid. difficult child 1's behavior has been escalating since this all started a week and a half ago. Tonight he hurt difficult child 3 twice.

They should've called on Friday right after difficult child 1 told them. Then called me. They are mandatory reporters!!! Now she has been sitting on it for one day short of a week! I'm calling the principal tomorrow morning. difficult child 1 does not make stuff up like this. Yes, he can get some weird ideas BUT those ideas are based in something that actually happened. Example saying husband shoved him into a wall but forgetting it was right after he had tried to hit a baby with a rock. And, he never ever says anything bad about X. He will tell all about the one time in his life that I spanked him (he was 4) but won't say anything bad about X. I can't say anything difficult child 1 thinks is bad about X. One time I told a therapist X was dating again and difficult child 1 started yelling "NO HE IS NOT!" therapist started laughing and asked him if he knew what dating was. difficult child 1 shook his head no. We've been waiting for 7 years for difficult child 1 to say something and now the aide is sitting on it!

 

[keista]

Have you reminded the teacher and the aide that THEY ARE MANDATORY REPORTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would. I would also mention that difficult child has opened up to them with information that he will not share with you or tdocs or pdos or SWs or ANYONE. Only them. AND if they don't report it, you will report them for their failure to report. AND if God forbid something should happen, you will sue them personally as well as the school, and the district for FAILURE TO REPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMW!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so sorry you are stuck in this insanity and the ppl who CAN do something to even make it a teensy weency bit better are pondering what they should or shouldn't do!

I am so upset for you and difficult child right now. I hope others can come by and post more rationally. I just want to road-trip to your school and be waiting for these women first thing in the morning and ask them if they have gone insane?

 

[susiestar]

Time to remind teacher, aide, principal and superintendent of schools that they are mandatory reporters and if they do not report the school and each of them individually CAN be prosecuted for child endangerment and often even child abuse if ANYTHING happens to difficult child. I do mean ANY type of abuse. While in some cases there are gray areas, this is NOT one of them. They can go to PRISON for allowing the abuse to continue with-o making that report. You may need/want your lawyer to contact them also or instead of you.

I am so sorry. WTH is the aide waiting for? You say that x finds women with special needs kids and then isolates and abuses them - any chance at all he is romancing the aide either because she has a kid or because he wants to talk her out of reporting anything?

 

[BusynMember]

There IS a problem.

I work in a day care center, and we are mandatory reporters too. On Orientation Day we had two CPS workers come out to tell us what we should and shouldn't report. The actual truth is, they can't do much unless there is proof of violence. A parent saying "I'm going to take you to the woodshed and beat you"...well, CPS can't do much about it until after the fact. However, if I heard somebody say that to a child, I'd probably call CPS anyway. But we had a question and answer session afterward and were pretty much told "verbal abuse" or "threats" don't really allow them to do anything. Now if you think he is being sexually abused, they consider that physical violence but the child has to indicate this or else somebody else has to witness it and call CPS.

I'm not making excuses for teacher/aide, but it could be why they aren't calling. Your son has to speak up and not protect his father. Does he have a therapist who he trusts and can confide in? Dad probably tells Son, "You better not tell anybody anything." And he's probably afraid. Abusive people tend to terrorize their victims into silence.

After our orientation from CPS, my head was reeling. All I could think of was how little they can do and how high the bar is set for seriously looking for abuse. A call will prompt a visit to Dad, but if Dad says everything is ok and so does Son, there is really not much they can do....

Hugz!!

 

[InsaneCdn]

CPS might not be able to do anything based on this kind of evidence...
But it DOES start creating a paper-trail... evidence that this isn't just two quarreling Xes fighting over a kid.

 

[BusynMember]

Long ago we were told than unfounded allegations of abuse are removed from the record. I'm not sure if this is still true.

 

[Liahona]

I talked to the principal. The protocol is the teacher tells the principal, the principal tells a social worker that works with the school, and the social worker calls cps. Sounds very convoluted. Principal said he would make sure cps got called this morning.

Yes, I don't think they will do much about it, but I'm hoping to start the paper trail.
I think cps in each state works differently. husband's family has a friend that retired from cps just a few months ago. I'll ask her if they keep records of reports.

 

[ready2run]

I talked to the principal. The protocol is the teacher tells the principal, the principal tells a social worker that works with the school, and the social worker calls cps. Sounds very convoluted. Principal said he would make sure cps got called this morning.

Yes, I don't think they will do much about it, but I'm hoping to start the paper trail.
I think cps in each state works differently. husband's family has a friend that retired from cps just a few months ago. I'll ask her if they keep records of reports.

that is the correct protocol where i live as well, except there is not always a school councellor or nurse available so the principle is to call if there isn't. i found out because my difficult child had a lunch hour supervisor call cas on us not once but twice because i told difficult child if he puts a half full yogurt or juice box back in his backpack again i was gonna smack him. would i smack him? probably not but i sure was sick of cleaning that up every night.

 

[Steely]

Well, you know whether this holds up as THE piece of evidence that breaks this situation open or not - it IS a start. A huge start, because it opens a case!!! Now, as more and more things happen, the more they have to investigate. Keep having Mom call with everything she hears, the school, plus you should call as well. Especially if you see any physical evidence on his body of abuse. What about X's neighbors - do you know any of them personally?

It seems if there are enough calls into CPS at some point your lawyer can take your custody case before the judge again and you can try again to get supervised visits - the kind of supervised visits where he can only see difficult child if a CPS worker is in the room.

Don't give up hope! You will get this kiddo safe, somehow!!! Someway. You are a warrior Mom.

 

[Steely]

What about also pulling all of difficult children statements from when he was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - and making sure those also get reported to CPS?

 

[AnnieO]

J did not like to say anything (bad OR good) about bio for a long, long, long time.

So when he told a teacher she punched him in the head - we were shocked. (That he told, not that it happened... Sigh.)

Little bits are coming out, here and there, now that she's gone. J was absolutely terrified of her. O was, too - until finally she broke (back in 2009) - but then recanted. Honestly, the whole situation was insane.

That being said - they have to report it, anyway. Period. The best reporter is the one who heard it first hand. Principal better make sure.

As for "unfounded" going away... Uh, maybe after YEARS. husband had many, many reports against him (by bio) that were "closed" as unfounded - but they show up on a background check. The court finally ordered them to be purged. So...

 

[susiestar]

There is a HUGE difference between what the school sets up as protocol and what the actual legal responsibility is in these matters. MOST schools tell employees to tell the principal and let the principal handle it or choose to have the counselor handle it.

This is NOT NOT NOT what the law says. The law says that EVERY employee of a school/daycare/whatever, and in some states even EVERY ADULT who sees/hears/suspects abuse is supposed to report it. Following what the school wants may be the school's preference because MANY of them refuse to report anything but a kid coming to school covered in bruises and welts and dripping blood everywhere. NOT because CPS told them to - I know MWM had that orientation with CPS but I also know that in MY state it works very differently. I DO know of teachers who did have to face charges of not reporting abuse - called child endangerment in some areas, accessory to abuse in others - when they passed it to a principal at the school and the principal didn't report it because they didn't want to get involved. YES, even though they are supposed to be there to help kids, MANY schools are this way.

I know a LOT of this because I was the kid who thought the other kids were idiots and I sat around the edges of the adults as they talked - and I listened. Having both parents teach at different levels and most of their friends were teachers, well, I heard a TON of this koi.

You CAN hold the aide, principal, counselor, etc... ALL liable if your difficult child is hurt after they did not report suspected abuse. MOST CPS agencies state in their flyers that if you are in doubt as to if it is abuse or not then you have a responsibility to report it. Our district got into a TON of trouble for the "tell the principal, don't call CPS yourself" koi after a number of cases of abuse finally were investigated and it was learned that the school knew, had notes about it in the files and sent NO reports about anything to CPS. It wasn't just one school, it was several (three or four) of our elem schools and our middle school. It was a MESS and a LOT of teachers came close to losing licenses because they followed what the school said rather than what the law said. Two came close to jail time because they actually bandaged welts on two kids from the saem family and did not report it - the kids were bleeding through their clothing from their injuries. in my opinion the teachers SHOULD have had a public flogging and then a few years in jail - so they could see how it felt to have NO ONE GIVE A DANG.

I know budgets are tight and that in some states CPS makes no sense, but at least here they go out on ANY report. Heck, they made my neighbors drain their mosquito breeding facility because it had no fence and no lighting and their kids were out alone after dark (ages 2 and 5 where the 5yo was supposed to be "watching" the littler one in pitch black dark). I was glad because I kept paying for things to put into the pond to kill the mosquitos off because they wouldn't and we were being eaten alive. I did call about them, largely because when I suggested it was not safe to have the kids out in the dark of night running around the pond area with no lights, I was told that the kids were fine and the older one would be able to get the younger one out of the pond if needed. The kid couldn't swim and the water was 2 feet deeper than she was tall! Apparently five other neighbors, including the reverend who lives across the street called a few weeks after I did, but a CPS agent was out to their house the day after each report.

So not all CPS is worthless and you need to PUSH these people to ALL report. What the principal and counselor report is hearsay - what the aide reports is from the child, so she is the one who will get more action.

And difficult child does need to speak up, but likely is terrified of it. So you do need to keep working to get him to tell more peopel. But you CAN insist that the aide call and report it, legally it is HER responsibility to do that.

 

[Liahona]

Hazio: at least your a cup half full kind of person instead of a cup half empty. (and you don't have the history X does of abusing people).

I've started making sure what difficult child 1 said in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is being reported. I've sent an e-mail to a therapist that knows our family very well. When Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was happening she said she would make sure they reported it to cps. Now I'm e-mailing her asking if she did. Haven't gotten a response yet. I'm hoping that means she is working on it.

Mom called again today and school still hasn't called cps. Guess I'm calling the school again on Monday and e-mailing the teacher tonight.

And hear I was thinking that getting difficult child 1 to open up was most of the battle. Now, I'm thinking its going to be getting all the mandatory reporters to actually report. No, I'm still sure there is lots difficult child 1 isn't telling us.

Step, you are so lucky she is gone. None of X's wives ever say anything bad about him until after they leave. Its just to dangerous. How difficult child 1 is supposed to tell before he is safe I don't know. He tells then is sent right back to X. Sickening.