Im loosing my mind

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Miss T, Mar 2, 2009.

  1. Miss T

    Miss T New Member

    some one pls tell me how i am to handle my 12 yr old son who possiably has ODD,how do i make him listen to me,when he misbehaves i ground him,but soon as his father leaves for work he goes out anyway,he will go where ever he wants,i tell him to listen to me and he just yells no,really load,we end up in a massive argument,it upsets my other son 7,and my baby g,12 months,i need to help them too and he is soooo naughty,he behaves when his father is at home,though he only respects his father out of fear,his father will give him a good *** whipping,i am not so pysical ,i just yell,which upsets me too.i have contemplated ringing the police on him when he takes off,but i dont know if they will help me,i need some time out from him ,or i feel i might just pick up my bags and run away some place myself,im so over all his bad behaviours:confused::sad-very::anxious::(
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there, hon. Take a deep breath. WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE.

    A few questions:
    1/Has he ever been evaluated? If not I highly recommend taking him to a neuropsychologist to find out what is really going on. ODD rarely stands alone. But the ODD behavior is very difficult. Often when you find out the cause of the ODD behavior (the disorder causing it) things get much better and the ODD gets much better or even goes away. This happened in our house. It turned out that my son was difficult because he had high functioning autism and nobody caught it. Once we got him interventions and learned about it, his entire little life turned around (as did ours).

    2/Are there are psychiatric problems or substance abuse on either side of the family tree? Substance abuse is often a sign of an undiagnosed mental illness in which the person is self-medicating to feel better so it is a red flag for, say, a mood disorder.

    3/How was his early development? Did he have any speech problems or trouble making eye contact? Could he make transitions well? Did he freak out over crowds, noise, lights? Any obsessive interests? How is school? And finally can he relate well to his same-age peers?

    4/Are you positive he isn't using recreational drugs? My daughter started at 12. I didn't know kids that young took drugs, but I found out the hard way. They can and do. And it causes the kid to totally change for the worse. Do you like his friends?

    Others will come along. I'm a very early riser. You may want to do a signature like I did below.
  3. Stella

    Stella New Member

    Hello and Welcome Miss T! I totally understand what you are going through. I recently discovered this forum myself and it really is full of wonderful warrior mom's who have some great advice! I would recommend a book called The Explosive Child. Using the strategies outlined in the book have already created some big changes with my daughter, she hasn't had a huge explosion in over two weeks now! Of course she is still very hard work but this book will defintely give you more of an understanding of how to deal with the behaviour. I would advice you get it ASAP. Good luck!
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    (holds up small gray thing resembling a tired brain)

    I FOUND IT! I FOUND IT~~~~~~~

    Welcome to the board. (hands mind back to you)

    Maybe you can tell us a little more about your son and his behaviors before we send more help your way. It will help anyone here trying to provide some answers.

    You're not alone - and you got your mind back. lol

  5. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Hello and welcome. Glad to see that Star has found your brain! LOL

    We all can relate to the hell you are going through. I can't tell you how many times I thought about running away! It is just so darn frustrating and overwhelming. I wish I had some magic advice for you. These kids can be so difficult to manage. Their behaviors really do effect the entire family. You have to try to take time for yourself, you need to have some down time. Is there anyone who can take the kids for a couple of days out of the month so that you can rest up and gain some sanity? Maybe when your husband comes home from work you can step out for a while sometimes?

    Hang in there and God bless. :)
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi MissT, welcome.

    Stop the yelling and arguing. It's not working. And it's giving you a sore throat.
    Create a mandate. Does your difficult child have a computer? A Gameboy? A PS2? Tell him that if he disobeys you, the game goes away. No arguing.
    He disappears, so does the game.
    Do not take it away in front of him. He will grab it and you and you will get physical. Wait until he has actually gone.
    Talk to your husband about spanking, etc. It will only work for husband, not for you. It will not work for the teachers, or anyone else who is either not allowed to spank by law, or who is not strong enough. So it is unfair of your husband to use a form of discipline that only he can use. You two have to be on the same page. Come up with-a plan, together, and stick with-it.
    What do you do with-your child for rewards?
  7. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    In the short term, i would come up with very clear-cut consequences for specific behaviors. I did this with my Youngest, and it took some time, but it eventually helped. Examples: curse at me, lose your cellphone for x hours/days. Walk out of the house without permission, lose your game boy. Etc. Etc. Unfortunately, you can't "make" him listen to you, or do what you tell him to do. You can, however, give him consequences when he doesn't. I'm oversimplifying that a bit, I realize, but it's a start.

    I know how it is to get so frustrated you yell, but it doesn't accomplish anything. Remember YOU are the parent. When you lose control, he's won that particular battle. I had to repeat that to myself many many times.

    I hope you can take a break and get some time for yourself soon.