I'm loosing myself & I want out

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by snapongirl2375, Apr 15, 2015.

  1. snapongirl2375

    snapongirl2375 New Member

    My soon to be 15yr old daughter has pushed me over the edge. In less than 12 months has cut off her beautiful long hair and by that I mean shaved her head, ran away with a stranger that was way older than her, overdosed on medicine and had to be life-lined in a helicopter, cuts herself, head - butted a police officer, took off from school and resisted law enforcement who had to tackle her in a field, got Suspended for insubordination with principal, has pierced her face herself like 9 different spots, ran away again and attempted jumping off overpass (cops intervened), quit all sports even tho one was her favorite and she was a well known star pitcher, fails every class because she turns nothing in, and today got expelled for cutting both arms up with a razor in the bathroom stall after she had gotten in trouble (which cops & ambulance involved again). I have had her institutionalized twice already, installed padlocks on all closet doors so she can't hide or steal anything..removed all medication and cleaning chemicals so she can't hurt herself, installed a security system with cameras so I can know what she's up to, she has therapy weekly and a therapist that even comes to the school and an organization that comes to house to see her. She's been diagnosed with bi-polar, eating disorder, personality disorder, and a manic depressant. .they put her on two medications that she hides and won't take, she will even vomit it back up. She follows no rules and does what she wants. She will act out or hurt herself if punished. She is destroying my life, my marriage, and my 4 younger kids lives. It feels like the "old" her died...I've gone through that loss like a death. This person I see is a monster and I want her gone. I'm such a horrible mother for saying that. My kids sleep with their doors locked so they can protect themselves from her. But what else can I do that I haven't done. She embarrasses me and herself daily. I'm one more episode from walking away from my life and this sinking ship. She literally told the doctor today that she wants to join the military so she can kill people..he then asked her if she felt that she could hurt others..she said yes! I'm afraid she'll stab me in my sleep..I've lost 30lbs in the last 2 months and sleep maybe 3 to 4 hours a night..I lay and wait for the motion sensors to activate and warn me she's up..help..I'm drowning
     
  2. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry to hear about your problems. Unfortunately, I can give you no advice on this but I'm certain that someone who has experience with this type of situation will be along to talk to you.
     
  3. runawaybunny

    runawaybunny Administrator Staff Member

    Hello @snapongirl2375.

    I'm so sorry your daughter is so out of control. Are any of the professionals that are treating her aware that your entire family is afraid of her? It's natural to want a dangerous person removed from your home since you believe that she is capable of harming you or your other children.

    I don't have any personal experience with what you are going through but I do know that some parents here have had their children treated in residential treatment facilities when it was not safe for them to live their own family.

    Here is a thread about questions to ask if you decide to consider this option for your daughter. http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/questions-to-ask-an-residential-treatment-center-Residential Treatment Center (RTC)-need-input.200/
     
  4. snapongirl2375

    snapongirl2375 New Member

    They are aware..all they can do is tell me to watch her, don't trigger her...everything is a trigger..what is mind blowing to me is that after something horrible happens, she acts as if everything is normal..he father who isn't around sent her a message on social media telling her not to take her medicine..it was all in her head..coming from someone who hasn't lived this nightmare
     
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Would HE take her? If he thinks he has the answers, and one of those is that she doesn't need medicine, maybe he could take her away from the rest of you?

    Mental illness often has a genetic basis. She may have gotten it from her father, for example.

    What needs to happen is that she is removed from your home and placed in foster care. But the foster system doesn't want her - she's too much of a problem for them to handle. Of course. Yet, getting her that far would trigger the need for her to be in much more intensive treatment.

    You have four other kids, and none of you are supposed to do anything to trigger a volatile, unmedicated bi-polar kid? I don't get it.
     
  6. snapongirl2375

    snapongirl2375 New Member

    Her dad is homeless..he jumps from couch to couch..he has so many warrants that he stopped calling the kids for fear of me finding him..it'll be a year in July that he has seen her..he has no idea who she is anymore..
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Is father mentally ill? It can and does run in families and could give your health care professionals a direction to look in.
     
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Snapongirl,?
    I'm sorry things are so beyond rough right now. There is definitely something wrong with our system when it can help out more. My son was much younger when he was not medicated correctly and I would call his psychiatrist every single time he was violent. Our psychiatrist appreciated the calls and I think that helped with getting him hospitalized several times but it sounds like you are on top of things and probably doing that already.

    You are definitely not a horrible person for wanting someone gone who has you walking on egg shells. Is there any respite available to your family? We voluntarily enrolled in a program in our community that was usually court recommended just to get respite. We brought his therapist and mine with us to show how much it was truly needed. It wasn't nearly often enough but it helped.

    Do you have anyone to give you any type of break (even a few hours) so you can take care of yourself (take a walk, a bubble bath, read a book)? Sending gentle hugs your way. Glad you found us but so sorry you needed to.
     
  9. snapongirl2375

    snapongirl2375 New Member

    He doesn't have mental health issues that I know of. I have an anxiety disorder that I take medicine for...this whole issue has made mine worse. My son who's 12 has an emotional disability but it's very manageable...I get letters mailed home from school weekly on him telling me how wonderful he is and how he goes outta his way to help anyone. I've got a sister who's bipolar, 2 of my brothers have ahd, and 1 brother with add..my father's brother ( my uncle) suffered from depression and was also bipolar...he committed suicide 7 years ago...I think it's my genes that have created this monster...I thought about seeing if I could get her into a detention center..
     
  10. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    If she is violent, threatens violence, threatens suicide, runs away, call the police. Tell them that you are afraid of her, and that your younger children are afraid of her. Do it every time she does anything. This adds to her paper trail. Is there anyway that you can talk to someone about long term residential treatment?
     
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  11. snapongirl2375

    snapongirl2375 New Member

    We can't get approved through our insurance company..
     
  12. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I will read in a little bit, what the other respondents told you but I wanted to reply quickly due to the severity of the situation. She is a danger to self and others. To you, to your children, your husband, fellow students, and anybody else with whom she comes in contact. She meets the criteria to be 5150''d. The cost should be paid for by the County in which you live.

    I am virtually certain that if you tell the cops what you told us, she will be placed on a hold, that hold will be extended, and if she does not stabilize she will be placed in residential treatment program. The behaviors she is exhibiting are way beyond any parent's capacity to deal with or respond to. What I would do is call 911 and while you are recorded, clearly read the list of behaviors that have been violent to others and towards herself. The police have liability here. There is a major lawsuit if they do not deal with this.

    I suggest you also go to your County Mental Health Department. They may or may have emergency services that will come to the house. As I write this, i feel iffy about this option, but you may want to check it out.

    i also suggest request an immediate IEP, whether or not she is Special Education at this point. She needs to be. She needs to be contained in somewhere she is safe, and others are safe. There may even be a residential placement available through school. In any event there are services available.

    I suggest strongly that you research and contact parents groups and disability advocates, to get some help. When I was in bad straits, we got a free atorney to fight for us at the IEP.

    The other idea I just had is to call the insurance company and insist upon talking to a supervisor. Make sure you are recorded. Again, clearly recite the behaviors that have been violent towards herself and others. These people cannot not take this seriously.
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2015
  13. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    I am sorry you are going through this. My son had aggressive issues. A few times he kicked in locked doors in the house. His psychiatrist and therapist told us the only way we could get the help we needed for him was to call 911every time he started to act up. We were to tell the police he was out of control and we were afraid he would hurt one of us or himself. That brought on a lot of trips to the hospital with him getting held for days at a time. A couple of times the police charged him with disturbing the peace. All that brought the hospital psychiatrist to push to have a judge commit him to a residential center. Medicaid or Medicare (I always mix up the two) paid for him to be in the residential center. Our medical insurance had to pay their portion for rx and doctor bills. It was the best thing for him. Please call the police each and every time and say you and your other children are afraid of her hurting all of you and afraid that she may hurt herself also.
     
  14. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Snapongirl, please try not to be so hard on yourself. Everything seems as if it has fallen on you. You have a plan: All of the comments on the thread are saying the same thing. Call the police.
     
  15. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I'm another one who says you should call the police. It's not easy, but if you're afraid that you or your other children could be hurt, then it's something that you have to do.

    I also want to add that this is not your fault. You have done everything that you can.

    I'm curious what the therist said when she sage replied "Yes!" to the question of did she feel she could kill someone after she said she wanted to join the military so she could kill people.
     
  16. snapongirl2375

    snapongirl2375 New Member

    Well since being expelled from school she's back on the up..hasn't had any manic episodes since..it's almost worse waiting for what's behind door #2..I have to take her to work with me so I get no break from it..I can't trust her to behave for anyone else..
     
  17. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    She should be on medications but isn't medications compliant? Ugh. You really DO have your hands full.
    Are there any non-school alternative placements?
     
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