BusynMember
Well-Known Member
After trying different methods to try to set up a meeting with my estranged son, who is 33 and was adopted at six years old from Hong Kong, I finally called the mediation center at his church. I really like this church, although the beliefs there are stricter than my own (which are a mixture of Christianity and even some New Age).
The mediator got in touch with him and his wife and they met two times. I got to find out why he was angry at me. He and his wife prayed over whether or not to meet with me again (something I had a slight problem with because nothing really bad had happened), but in the end I just want to see my son and my grandson. I would do almost everything that did not breech my self-respect. He is basically a good young adult...not liking something he perceived I did to him does not change that. And he WAS adopted at age six...that's late to form the right sort of bond.
As it stands now, I am going to drive to Chicago, meet with his mediator for an hour first, then we are all going to get together. I feel cautiously optimistic. And I feel scared to death. And I wonder what kind of relationship we will have if we decide to resume one. He has changed a lot, especially after getting involved in his church to the extent that he has.
How does one act in a situation like this? I almost feel like I'm going on a job interview...lol.
Honestly, I see kids who were abused falling all over themselves to treat their parents well. I have never even spanked my kids as little ones and have always put them first. They do not worry about me and my well being as much as the kids who have been abused...it's weird. Not that this child has ever been abusive to me or to anybody either. He isn't like that. But he can be very distant and cold if he gets upset.
As usual, I have no idea what I'm trying to say (sigh).
The mediator got in touch with him and his wife and they met two times. I got to find out why he was angry at me. He and his wife prayed over whether or not to meet with me again (something I had a slight problem with because nothing really bad had happened), but in the end I just want to see my son and my grandson. I would do almost everything that did not breech my self-respect. He is basically a good young adult...not liking something he perceived I did to him does not change that. And he WAS adopted at age six...that's late to form the right sort of bond.
As it stands now, I am going to drive to Chicago, meet with his mediator for an hour first, then we are all going to get together. I feel cautiously optimistic. And I feel scared to death. And I wonder what kind of relationship we will have if we decide to resume one. He has changed a lot, especially after getting involved in his church to the extent that he has.
How does one act in a situation like this? I almost feel like I'm going on a job interview...lol.
Honestly, I see kids who were abused falling all over themselves to treat their parents well. I have never even spanked my kids as little ones and have always put them first. They do not worry about me and my well being as much as the kids who have been abused...it's weird. Not that this child has ever been abusive to me or to anybody either. He isn't like that. But he can be very distant and cold if he gets upset.
As usual, I have no idea what I'm trying to say (sigh).