For those of you who think I'm a saint with animals...........this should prove I'm not. I have admitted more than once that I don't really want Sadie. It's not like I went out hunting down a new dog, or even hunted her down to pick her up. You all know my reasons. Well, it's been a very long day. Sadie has not been "bad" for a single second. Actually for an untrained over energetic pup, she's been an angel. But still I have to watch her, if not directly then out the corner of my eye.......because I don't yet trust her, especially with Molly. Makes me feel like I can't do anything........and if I try to do anything she's all but under my feet. The girl sticks to me like glue. I've been in a mood since Travis let her in last night. I admit I was major peeved that after 4 days she manages to find me and return. (I went back and figured it out) I tried to accept it. Because........well, that whole deal was twilight zone material for certain. But just because I accepted it didn't mean I had to like it, if you know what I mean. So I figured I'd svck it up and just deal with it. That mood festered all day. Again, like I said, Sadie didn't do anything.....it's not her it's ME. Then I got downright resentful. So that mood got blacker. I thought ok, I'd work it off in the yard. I took Sadie with me because I didn't want to crate her and I wasn't leaving her in the house alone with Molly. By this time my mood was so black I didn't care if she left the yard when I wasn't looking. So for an hour I'm not really paying much attention to her at all. I'm emptying dirt bags into my raised garden bed, then poo bags, then mixing it ect ect. Now for some reason.....Sadie still there happily lying nearby irritated the snot out of me. So I went inside for a drink and a break. And I left her in the yard. And I didn't care if she took off. There was a part of me hoping she'd take off again. She did leave the yard............I found her at the front door waiting to come inside. That folks, peeved me off major. Wasn't this the dog that took off for 6 days after being left in the yard for only about 5 mins?? wth? So I let her in and told her to stop looking so d@mn smug. Yup. I was really mad. Short while later Molly has to potty. So I take her out. Sadie doesn't need to go and stays in while I cook dinner. Once dinner is done......what do I do with Sadie? The crate is in the room we eat in, if I put her in it she will cry. If I try to close the gate to the room........well last time that didn't stop her for a second. But I tried it anyway. She didn't jump the gate. Just quietly laid and waited for us to be done. And that made me madder. Don't ask me why because I don't know why, it just did. So once I was done, I switched the dogs. Molly inside and Sadie out. That was at 7pm. I actually watched her go through an opening in the gate. (so now I know how she gets out) She gave me a look, but I steeled my heart. Mad, I ignored her and went on into the man house. My mood just kept getting darker. I didn't ask for this dog. I didn't want her. More trouble than she's worth. She has an owner, let him worry about her............I had an ongoing argument with myself for hours. I did the same with talking to Nichole. After a couple of hours I made the mistake of turning on the front porch light. No Sadie. I ignored the pang of guilt and shame. I turned off the light. Then I hear Sadie on the porch barking, asking to come in. I turned stubborn. She gave up. I kept on with the I don't want her routine for quite a long time. Finally I convinced myself she was gone. At 11:30 Molly needed to potty. I thought I'd play it smart and keep off all the lights when I put her into the yard. No sign of Sadie. I thought GOOD! (yes, I was lying to myself because otherwise I'd have to admit I was being awfully mean to a dog that had done nothing to deserve it) I come in to wait on Molly. She barks a few mins later and I step out to the family room.......and I see a dark blob on the other side of the door. I'm like, oh heck no, it can't be. I turn on the light and .................. There is Sadie trying to push herself back through the same opening she'd used to get out of the yard to GET BACK INTO THE YARD! Yes, ladies. I'm an ogre. And at that moment I knew it. I had been mean and cruel and Sadie had not done one thing, not the slightest thing (on the contrary) to deserve how I'd treated her this evening. And still she had tried to get back into the yard! So I opened the door, and in barrels Sadie literally yipping for joy and wagging so hard she can barely stay upright. And while I'm giving her lovies..........I feel lower than dirt. I gave her every opportunity to run away and she wouldn't/didn't. And yes, I know why my mood got so dark and I got so angry.It is the 12th of the month (or was when I started writing this), the 8th month anniversary of husband's death. I'm moody every 12th day of the month, evidently this weirdness with Sadie just put it onto a different level. It had nothing to do with Sadie, well not that way anyway. Maybe I was testing this Fate deal a bit while I was at it I dunno. Because while the whole her coming her to begin with, running off and finding Travis and coming back was weird........the fact that she has not repeated one thing wrong she did last time........is even weirder still. I didn't correct her for going over the gate in the house, I didn't say a word over her crying in the crate that first night, didn't even say anything to her about running off. And today? She doesn't go over the gate inside, quiet as a mouse in the crate, and won't run off for nothing. Good grief I couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted to. If I weren't here watching it go on, I'm not even sure I'd believe it! And that is why it made me mad. It was just too much twilight zone on the wrong day. So.....yeah. I dunno if this will be Sadie's forever home. But I know I won't "test" it again, or ever put her through that again. (I can't believe I did it to begin with) She's a good and loving soul who is trying really hard to be what I want her to be. Not very proud of myself right now, and it's only making it worse that Sadie seems to love me anyway.