Im proud of me...and thats really unusual lol

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SomewhereOutThere, Jul 4, 2016.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I spent the weekend with my daughter and granddaughter for granddaughters second birthday. I am uncomfortable around people I dont know so Plan A was to stay at my table (daughter rented a small place on a lake for babys party).

    There was a table for daughters friends and kids. One is a woman Ive known since her childhood. She has made a few badchoices, but her father died young and her mother was and is both a drug addict and a felon. She has nobody. Neither fo her small kids, pne who doesnt speak much at age sic and is probably on the spectrum.

    Another table was for daughters boyfriend of twelve years family. I know his mother is critical of my daughter and her own son, yet I knew my daughter, who is kindhearted, wanted her to have a good time. she was seated with her ex husband and his wife, which had to feel odd. I had never met the father. Boyfriend had been estranged from him and he lives in California. I decided to let that table be. I had spent the day before in bliss with my adorable, beautiful, smary but veey active gtanddaughter and was not feeling social. Let them deal with the tension. I cant do anything.

    The third table was pur family...Sonic, Jumper, her boyfriend and my ex, who I get along with well. My own husband was at our hotel dogsitting. Yes, we brought the dogs, but husband had to stay with them. He is quiet and didnt mind, but I was there without his support. For sure zi would help my daughter host, but basically keep to myself.

    But I saw her friend, who has nobody, with her darling children and decided I just couldnt leave her there without talking to her. So I did and it turned into a warm conversation and u bounced her baby boy on my knee and then chased her little girl. I dont know why, but I told the mother they were free to call me Grammy, like my granddaughter did and that if she brought them over when I came in, id be happy to be a surrogate grandma to them. Mother looked surprised and I wondered if zid made a fool out of myself, but, hey, I meant well. The kids hugged snd kissed me and called me zGrammy, then I went back to my table.

    But the father snd his wife stood alone and, although they did not wear friendly expression, I was their grandbabies Hrammy and I felt bad they were alone. So I took a chance and started a friendly conversation with them and really connected to the wife and we spoke for a long time and I tease the dad that he looked lije his son and told him his son was an awesome father and soon they looked more comfortable. I sat down again and oresent opening started.

    Boyfriends mother can he hurtful, but she looked so lost. of, wth. I started talking ti her and she, who maybe had seemed the most uncomfortable, broke down her wall and I took her picture with granddaughter and we kidded around. it was not easy for me to approach her, but I do have a soft heart and my daughter really wanted everyone to have fun.

    By the end of the party, I was sort of the hostess because daughter and boyfriend had to feed everyone etc.

    Later, my family took baby to visit my husband and dogs all at our hotel and grand just loved my friendliest dog. We made a plate of food for husband. He ate while the baby played with dog. We all laughed at their antics. I took more pictures. I have so many!

    At the end of the day, I felt contented but that was it.

    The next day my daughter called me. She thanked me and thanked me for being so good to her lonely friend and said her friend told her I had acted so great to her and her meant a lot to her, since the kids had nobody. They talked about me as Grammy and when i go back in August one of her kids has a birthday. We decided to throw a party for this darling little boy. I feel good. I had no idea she'd appreciate a little surrogate grammy to be so special. And I will gladly fill that role if wanted. I love kids...happy to have more in my life. Always liked the mother too. Will happily "adopt" more people.

    Then my daughter actually thanked me for making everyone at ease and said she loved me and wished we all lived nearby because she saw Jumper doing an amazing job with her daughter. She said she loves us all much.

    There are no words to desribe that dort of heartfelt tribute when you, as a person, always find yourself lacking. What could I do? Told her I loved her and baby to the moon...tears in my eyes. This is the daughter who had used drugs. Yet our relationship is rock solid.

    When we finally got off the phone,we were driving home. Husband asked me why I was crying. I wasnt sure why. But I do feel I gained a few extra peeps and that I helped my precious daughter and spent quality time with my couldnt have gone better. I am proud I pushed myself to be nice to all. It isnt easy for me to make first moves with people.

    So today...just today...I am proud of myself. I feel on top of the world. I love my family so much and hope to start including my daughter's lifetime, all alone friend and her kids in our family fun.

    There are no real words to explain how good I feel and I'm not sure why I even shared this. Its not like you are Sometimes this a journal for me. I put down the good and bad.

    This weekend was touching, emotional, loving...and very very good. I am blessed in many ways.

    Of course, as usual, Bart wasnt there, but that is his choice...I can live with it.

    I have to work tomorrow. Better transition my mind.

    Happy 4th to all!!!!! Love to my CD friends. Keep hoping. acount your blessibgs. Good night!
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  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    SWOT. What a beautiful post.

    What a glorious day and weekend.

    I think you need to think about something, that you may be holding on to the sense you "are lacking" when really it is time to let it go.

    I know that I hang on to feelings about myself that do not serve me. A deep shame. A sense of being vulnerable to be hurt by others. Fear that I will be scapegoated or betrayed. The sense that other people (especially at work) think I am foolish or less than.

    All of these feelings are in me. Other people may think this or that about me, but I only own their judgements if I buy in.

    I do not think in the heart of us SWOT we really believe we are either inferior or lacking. Because if we did, we would not each of us have fought so hard for what we have, or kept pushing and pushing until our lives were better.

    I believe we must hold onto these old, old feelings kind of like old shoes--we do not need them anymore. They no longer fit. In fact they are too small. They hurt.

    Maybe we can start a thread about releasing some of this pain. It is time. I bet others feel this way, too. Maybe there are rituals that we can find that might help us.

    I think you proved to yourself once and for all that you are not that person you once believed or were told you were. You have created your life, a beautiful life, and have recreated yourself. It is time to look in the mirror and see your real reflection. It is the gracious and loving and confident woman at that party. Meet yourself. This is SWOT.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Copa. I do think that Im lacking. im not sure how to let thst go.

    Do you have any ideas? Youre good at this ;)
  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    SWOT sounds like you had a great time at the party. That is great news and you so deserve it.
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wonderful post SWOT, it is heartwarming when we step out of our own comfort zone to offer comfort to another and we can see how much it meant to them. It would seem you have left behind some old "stuff" which opened you up to be available to connect in a deeper way. It can be a risk to reach out and you did it and it worked for everyone. Very nice. I'm proud of you too!
  6. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad you had a wonderful visit! You deserve a happy weekend and good time with your family. You sound like you were just a social butterfly - lol. How sweet you were to offer to be Grammy to those little kids. I'm sure the young mother was so touched!
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks all. I've always wanted to save the that's why I so badly wanted to adopt children and save animals. If I could only save

    I can be quite social if I feel bad for somebody. Then I focus off of myself.