I'm sorry I haven't been here to keep up and support all of you. It's just that everything is hitting me, the severity and scope, etc. and I have been fighting major depression. If I could live in my room in the dark, I would. difficult child is in partial hospitalization and appears to be making good progress. He wants to go to a halfway house next. I doubt he will ever come back home. I have realized (and difficult child has told me) the full extent of the problems and it knocked me to my knees. I'm having a hard time trusting anyone about anything. If he could have fooled me with all this for so long right under my nose, then....is anyone as they say they are? I get these mental images of times in my son's life and I am horrified. At the same time, I am angry --- deeply angry -- at all the people and systems who knew a lot of this and chose not to get him help or tell me. I have a history of people abandoning me and deceiving me. It runs decades...this is bringing up all of that as well. I don't feel safe anywhere and with almost anyone. I hate hate hate this is the result. I want to be naive again. But you cannot go back. Thanks for listening. Please know that whether I am here or not....that I truly do care about all of you and your families.