I always find that flashing checkerboard to be tiring.
About the legs - would valium work? I've had twitchy legs for years and when it really disturbs me, a small amount of valium seems to settle it to the point where I can cope.
As for the diagnosis and number of lesions - I had to chuckle. Of course the expert will find more! That's why we pay them! There is an old saying I have heard used on doctors who self-diagnose: "The doctor who treats himself has a fool for a patient."
My neuro keeps saying every so often, "I'm sure you have MS," but then the tests are done and they come back negative. it's been 27 years now and I still don't have a diagnosis that all doctors agree on. My eyes are fine, which makes MS less likely. But a lot of the other stuff - oh yes, I relate to it. The thing is, how you handle it emotionally plays a big part in how it affects the rest of your life. Some people I know will put their life on hold waiting for a period of remission, then they go for broke and really make a mess of themselves by overdoing things. Others simply sit and wait, and as a result years can go past and they are still waiting. Meanwhile life moves on.
Friends don't always hang around waiting for you to be well enough. They often don't want to hear. I lost friends, even though I said very little about my health. But I didn't have to say anything - friends would organise a picnic or a hike, for example, and I simply wouldn't be strong enough to go. So over time, they got into the habit of leaving me out of their plans. Or I would come along and they would see me wobble my away around, and it made them uncomfortable.
My friendship base changed. Now, most of my friends are people who never knew me in my healthy, active days. But they accept me as I am, which I like.
Family - your kids will resent it the most. It takes a lot longer, it scares them. I found it best to sit and talk with them, be frank. My kids were secretly afraid I was dying, but not telling them to save their feelings. It took a lot of reassurance, repeatedly, for them to understand. Then they began to take me for granted and assume I was fit and capable. It oscillated. And all the time this was happening, I had inside a quiet desperation to find out what the **&^ this disease of mine is called, so maybe they could make it stop. It took time for me to deal with my own grief for what I thought I should be. But I did find myself again. It's new, it's different, it's still a bit wobbly at times, but what is in my head is far more balanced than perhaps I ever was before.
It is normal to be angry at times, but stay in touch with your own mind so you always know where it's coming from. Learn to make your own space for yourself when you need it; it will be your saving grace.
As for whether this is relapsing/remitting or progressive - whichever it is, will be subject to change without notice. And tat is okay too, because you are a strong person and you WILL handle it.
Just don't let it consume you. Instead, live your life to the best of your ability.
Remember, I speak from personal experience.
And would you know? After more than 27 years, I'm actually doing better now than for a very, very long time. I just wish I knew what I had done right, so I can keep on doing it!
Marg