Joining the grandma club

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Masta, Jul 16, 2007.

  1. Masta

    Masta Member

    difficult child hasnt spoken to me in a while coz i keep asking the state to get her proper pysch help.. difficult child has no insight to her mental health status so she is annoyed that i keep asking she see professionals.

    Well.. i received a text msg last week from my 18yr difficult child telling me she is 7 weeks preggers.

    im gonna be a grandma at 35yrs old.

    i have mixed emotions. im worried and happy.

    i texted difficult child congrats.. what else was i suppose to say?

    my difficult child is mentally a 12yr old. she is in foster care (i placed her there voluntarily) she plans on moving in with the father of the babies family next month (which then removes her from states care)

    she asked if i would go into the labor room with her, of course i will be there to support her.

    im just concerned if she will be able to look after the child once its born.

    any of you in a a similiar situation with a difficult child whos preggers or had a baby and the difficult child is definately not ready to be a mom?
     
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I'm not sure that any of our kids are ready to be parents when it happens. Every month that goes by I am grateful that I'm not getting this same call from Rob.

    Since your daughter is in foster care now, will Social Services follow her pregnancy? That happened with Rob's sister who had a baby. Thank goodness. Social Services is there to assist when she needs it.

    I wish all of you well.

    Suz
     
  3. Masta

    Masta Member

    Suz:
    dcfs was going to keep in care til she turned 21yr becuase she isnt capable of looking after herself, the only way to get out of care before 21yr is to either get married or prove you can look after yourself or if your dcfs worker doesnt care and justs asks the court to release you.

    once my difficult child leaves care i think dcfs leave her alone. they have advised her to sign up for W.I.C. i know she will stay on medicaid til she is 21yr so she is avoided marrying the babys dad so she can keep her insurance.
     
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I never dreamed my daughter Nichole was ready to be a parent when we discovered she was preg at 16. As everyone here can agree, I worried to death the whole pregnancy. Nor did it help that she wasn't able to take her medications while pregnant.

    Much to the surprise of everyone, Nichole rose up to meet the challange and is a wonderful Mom to baby Aubrey. She did alot of growning up and maturing during the preg, and even more so after the birth.

    If you are concerned your daughter doesn't have the mental capacity to care for this child, and I'm thinking dcfs agrees since they wanted to keep her in their care til she is 21..... I'd personally be pushing for them to do so.

    My easy child's mother in law is a foster Mom. She fostered a 17 yr old girl who came with a 8 mo old baby. Girl was most definately a difficult child. Mental illness and developmental issues. State never planned for the girl to ever leave their care. The mental illness/developmental issues are too great for her to ever care for herself. But the hehawed around about it til she was 18. Would've kept doing so til foster Mom could prove she was a danger and neglectful to the baby. Dcfs finally seperated them and place the girl into a different foster home. easy child's mother in law adopted the baby who is now almost 5. The child's mother will never leave the states care.

    Although your difficult child's issues may not be that severe, at least if they could keep her in custody for a while after the birth it could be determined how well she is capable of caring for the baby. (especially since they were considering it before this)

    I think you responded to her well. Being supportive of her right now is about all you can really do.

    Welcome to the Grandma's Club.

    Hugs
     
  5. TYLERFAN

    TYLERFAN New Member

    Hi Masta:

    Congrats on the baby! Welcome to the difficult child Grandma Club! :bravo:
    My difficult child gave birth to my grandson 3 months before her 21st birthday. She has the mind of a 17 year old......and I have residential custody of the baby. I never thought at 44 I would be raising another child....although everyone told me I would be.....But here we are and I am! :warrior:
    My difficult child is definately not ready to accept the responsibilities of motherhood and she knows this...most of the time. :hammer:
    At this point, I wouldn't let her take this baby without my supervision, but then again my difficult child has a drug problem..... :hypnosis:
    It's hard and I hope that your daughter is able to make it work out but I would caution you to think about what your role might be in case she can't do it. I unfortunately was in denial....imagine that after all this time..... :hammer:
    Good Luck.....May the baby be Healthy and Happy!


    Blessings,
    Melissa :flower:
     
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    It's a difficult road that is coming up for you and walking the
    fine line of support and observation is stressful. GFGmom lived
    with us and I was able to oversee the proper care of her first
    baby, our easy child/difficult child. Although she has always kept her "babies" fed
    and clean, she was not and is not a good parent. She always has
    managed to "find someone" to babysit if she had an opportunity to
    have fun. Some of the sitters have NOT been satisfactory. She
    has never EVER kept a house that was clean..and I don't mean immaculate..just cleaned up. She still can't preplan finances
    and use enough self control to make sure the children get clothes
    etc. prior to the beginning of school. It just goes on and on.
    Three different people have called DCFS on her because of the dirty house and her "scream at them" form of discipline. Each
    time the visiting worker sympathized with her and understood that
    it is "difficult to keep a house clean" when you work full time
    etc. etc. They all thought it was a "temporary" state. Not.

    on the other hand, I have seen cases where developmentally delayed Mothers have been quite good at the mechanics of parenting. It is the
    subtle aspects that require oversight.

    You have taken the right position. I hope your experience will
    be very positive. Hugs. DDD
     
  7. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    a mixed emotion type of event to be sure. I love my grandson, but neither of his parents can truly provide for him. so I am here for him as much as possible.

    it will all work out somehow. do you like the father of the baby?
     
  8. Masta

    Masta Member

    Ant'smom: i havent met the boy or his family. i think she doesnt want me to meet them coz i might enlighten them to the truth of her situation.

    DDD: i have a feeling my difficult child will be the same... she has no clue about how to handle finances or keep a house clean. let alone get up to a newborn. right now the pregnancy is an attention seeking tool and she is using it to her advantage. i sure hope she amazes me and grows up over the next 8mths.

    Daisylover: even though dcfs knows difficult child isnt capable of looking after herself they wont admit that im right, by stepping up to the plate and helping her out by keeping her in care. they never listen to a word i have to say.. difficult child mental health needs have never been met. they see me as a mother who thinks her child is "broken" coz im always out to get the right medical and mental health help for difficult child. they have told difficult child we dont accept her for who she is coz im asking the state to get my daughter the help she needs. they are pretty much working difficult child against me and my family.
     
  9. Ally

    Ally New Member

    Oh this is my worst nightmare. Id be in exactly the same boat as you. Im 35 and my difficult child will be 17 in Oct. For all I know, she could be preggo but I have no idea where she is, what she is doing, or who she is with but I don know that she is not on birth control and feels its ok to sleep with whoever to get whatever.

    Good luck!!!
     
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