Just checkin in

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by sooooo tired, Jun 9, 2016.

  1. sooooo tired

    sooooo tired soooootired

    I havent been on here for awhile, mostly because I haven't spoken with my daughter since she came back from florida which has been since April. I have gotten to see my grandson a few times. He is with his dad. According to my grandson he thinks his mom is still in Florida, which lets me know she is not in contact with him, which breaks my heart....the little guy needs a mom!! I had him last weekend and had to pick him up at his grandpas house, because his dad was working. My grandsons grandpa has cancer and can barely get around, and his house is a filthy pig sty!! We had a really nice time, and he did not want to leave. When I started to take him home he didn't want to go. Then as we were pulling out of the drive way, he said "Where am I going now mama? I could just cry my eyes out ...it hurts so bad that I cant rescue him before its too late!! My daughter is bouncing from friend to friends house. My other daughter talked to her and she said that she would rather let my grandson be with other people because he gets on her nerves!!!!!! Then my son told me she texted him wanting money...he told her no! She hasn't contacted me at all, which I guess is a good thing, but my grandson is being so neglected!!!
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    ST... you are making far more difference than you know in that young child's life. You can't solve everything. But you can give him a sense of normal, and a normal relationship with you - and from that he will learn absolutely vital life skills. You are a hard-working warrior (grand)Mom.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If she isn't caring for him perhaps you could call CPS and try to get cistody. He needs stability!
  4. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Forgive me for asking the obvious, maybe it's been made clear and I've forgotten...do you live in the same area as your grandson? If so, and you don't work yourself, have you talked to his dad about letting you keep him when he's working? It sounds like grandpa just hasn't got the ability to look after him with all he's dealing with. That would be the way to approach it..."Your father isn't well, I would be so happy to help him this way." Or, do an end-run around dad and talk directly to grandpa, "If you ever need anyone to watch little Johnny, I'd be so happy to help out. I'd keep him every day if I could."

    If this isn't possible, keep in mind that what you see as neglectful, may be colored a bit by your love and desire to take care of the little guy. Grandpa can barely get around...but lots of handicapped people who can barely get around raise children just fine. His house is a pig-sty? That may be in the eye of the beholder. My house would probably be a pig-sty to you. (No, really, I'm a terrible housekeeper. I have dust thick on everything, mud from the dogs feet caked on the floor near the kitchen, the dishes are piled and I can't remember the last time I cleaned the toilets - I keep hoping my husband will do it.) My point is, messy - and even dirty - doesn't mean the child is neglected there. Unless you're talking feces, mold and flies, it's probably not CPS-worthy.

    But in the end, if you can do nothing else, you can get the little guy as often as you can and show him a loving, stable home and be a ideal for him...a grandma who loves and cherishes him.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Oh, Lil...my house s always cluttered.

    I am so disorganised.
  6. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Am I remembering correctly, ST, that the grandpa has an incurable form of cancer? He is probably feeling very weak, tired, and sick. I would be concerned that he doesn't have the ability to care for himself and his home, much less an energetic 4yo.

    It is normal to have dust, clutter, dirty dishes and such when people are busy (which is most of us) and then there is "pig sty" when someone is grievously ill and probably depressed. Of course, I don't know where this situation falls, but it doesn't sound good.

    Does grandson's dad qualify for any services? I would think (unless he has a decent income) he could get some low-or -no cost child care. Call around. Try 211. Try local government.

    The good news is that grandson will probably be eligible for Pre-K, Head Start, Pre-School (whatever its called in your area) through the school system as soon as school starts in August. So not that far off, if nothing else comes up (I'm pretty sure ST works full time, so she can't keep grandson).

    I would be furious with daughter, though. She wouldn't be getting so much as a "hi" from me anytime soon.

  7. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Thanks for checking in ST.

    I'm glad to hear you are still able to spend some time with your grandson. You are making a bigger impact on him than you think.

    As for your daughter, you have also made an impact on her by detaching. She is trying to find another source to take from. I'm glad your son did not give her any money.

    I think her saying she wants her son to be around other people because he gets on her nerves is sad but it also is very telling. To me anyway, I see that she was using her son as a way to get to you so you would give her money. She now knows that she can no longer "use" him to attack your emotions.

    ST, you are doing all you can short of taking the little guy into your home to raise him full time.

    The others have also pointed out and given some really good advice to think on.

    Hang in there!! I'm really glad you shared your update.

    ((HUGS)) to you...................