It's been awhile since I have posted mainly because things with difficult child have been fairly stable. The usual difficult child things but nothing beyond that. But it's been building, inside him and because of that inside me. Today I am feeling defeated, frustrated and just plain disappointed that I let it all get to me. difficult child is difficult to get going in the morning. To busy when I wake him up with whatever in his room to just simply get dressed and come downstairs. It usually takes at least 20 mins to get him downstairs. Then it's the constant re-directing to get him to make his breakfast and pack his snacks for lunch. He is always in my face, not violent but you know edging on disrespectful, but he really doesn't see it this way, he's just playing around. In the end, I am stressed about bugging him constantly and he is mad because I am bugging him. He is forever saying "Mom, just leave me be, I can get it all done, stop stressing!" Stupid, stupid me, today I said fine, I will say nothing. Well that ended with him flying around, freaking out because he had nothing done and the bus was due in 5 mins. He ended up hurting himself when he ran around the corner to the bathroom, HUGE DRAMA! Comes home from school all upset because he doesn't understand his homework and has to redo it. It's fractions and quite honestly something that I was never good at. Did I mention husband left on a business trip this morning??!! I run a daycare so I say to him, I can either help you outside (I have to take the daycare kids outside, it's expected by the parents) or we can do it after dinner. He doesn't want either, so I say fine, I have given you two choices, you are being difficult so I can't help you. He finally after raising a fuss comes outside. I try and help him (I think I ended up confusing him more), easy child comes and helps him and all of a sudden "LIGHTBULB MOMENT!" he figures it out! Open house at the school tonight, he couldn't stop, constantly into everything or wanting to go somewhere else. Teacher says "oh yeah he was having trouble but figured it out today, grrrr, did he? Had a few errands to run and that was a wonderful 1/2 hr, he was great. We come to bedtime...Suddenly his lips hurts, he needs to do something...Time is going by and I am getting angrier and angrier. He then flips out because the cats have broken part of a puzzle that he was working on, won't go to bed. I lose it...start yelling...he starts yelling...doesn't want a kiss goodnight...yelled something but I didn't hear it and at that point didn't want to. It's now past my bedtime and I am so upset with myself. I hate him falling asleep upset and knowing that I am mad at him. I hate the way I probably made him feel. I hate the fact that some of these issues with him are constant, every day, never a break from it. It just festers in me until I reach my limit and then this happens. I don't yell often but darn it especially when daddy's not here he pushes every limit and every button. I worry that I didn't hear what he said and that he'll try to run away or do something stupid. At this point...I hate these disorders and the way they control ours lives some days. Sorry for dumping this out but I really need to vent, I'm so frustrated and mad with myself.