Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by flutterby, Jun 15, 2009.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    That wasn't an explosion you heard. That was me screaming for the second time today. Only this time I screamed, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!"

    easy child came home and told me that he got mad at me earlier because I closed out what he had open on the computer. I didn't touch his computer and told him so. And even if I had, it didn't warrant his outburst. Plus, he never mentioned that earlier. He was too busy yelling at me about moving the car or whatever else it was. Cause I'm still not sure. Oh, wait, I know. It's because apparently difficult child had yelled at him to move his car and so he has to yell at me. I told him that he is almost 18, she is 14 and they are both old enough to be responsible for their own relationship.

    Well, I was/am still upset and told him so. It's been happening way too often and I'm not having it anymore. So, of course, he's mad because I'm not over it. He is, so everyone else should be, too. And as it was continuing to go on, I was not getting over it anytime soon. I. don't. feel. good. I am on heavy duty pain medications today. I don't even know how much of this I'll remember tomorrow. I'm not in the mood, ya know?

    difficult child and her PCA came home during this. easy child said that I'm mad at him all the time. Ummm....no. I'm actually rarely mad at him. I get frustrated. Who wouldn't. And I rarely stay mad. Then difficult child pipes in that "actually, Mom, you are". It took all of my self-control. The PCA looked at difficult child and did the hand across the neck thing to tell her to knock it off. If you were to listen to difficult child, I'm mad at her all the time, too. Neither is true.

    So, easy child who was mad at difficult child to begin with now has an ally. When she said that, I told them they could both get away frome me. The PCA grabbed difficult child's arm and pulled her into the kitchen. easy child continued. It was just circular argument/reasoning/logic. I don't even know. It was like he was taking pages out of difficult child's playbook. I know I was sitting there for the second time today thinking how surreal all this is. And I know it's not just the pain medications. I mean, this went on for almost an hour.

    I finally walked away from easy child to go outside and found difficult child crying in the kitchen. PCA was on the computer. I asked difficult child why she was crying and she said something about the way I treat them all the time. You know, I just felt kinda numb. I am soooooooooooo beyond sick of it. I looked at her and was just kinda incredulous. I said, "The way I treat you guys? What about the way you two treat me? It's always me, me, me, me, me, me, me." And I went outside.

    When I came back in difficult child was in her room. PCA said, "Hi beautiful", and I just looked at her. She asked, "That's not going to work, is it?" Ummm...no. Then, from the living room Devon said, "No, Mom. You always make it all about you. How you feel, what you want, what you need."

    That's when I screamed for the second time today.

    PCA said he just needed smacked. I just looked at her. She said, well, they both do. I said, "Uh, yeah." She asked me to try not to kill anyone tonight. I told her I wasn't making promises.

    easy child was leaving and PCA told him she was going, too, cause she had to move her car. He slammed the front door closed in her face.

    Oh, and easy child says he's tired of me pressuring him about school. He was supposed to start last week and he didn't. They left a message Thursday that if he didn't go today (Monday) that he wouldn't be able to participate in the program. So, I told him last night that he really needs to go today or he wouldn't get to do it. That was pressuring him. He's stressed about school and work. He works part time and goes to school part time. Man. He has it tough.
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    You know my difficult child pulls this stress out stuff on me and I am so over it. The boys doesn't know what stress is. He works part time cooking food in a ritzy hamburger joint. Last week he stumped his toe---didn't work for two scheduled days and then called stressed because he didn't have money for gas to get to work. Even when they don't live with you, they really don't go away----and while most of the time I don't want him to, win my grown son (21) calls me whining about how stressful his life is after I've worked a 10 hour day---I just want to put a boot up somewhere!
  3. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    EW, I feel the same way. I worked full time +, took care of the kids and house and everything else, plus was literally dying from heart disease. Yet, when I asked him to change the litter boxes yesterday he couldn't do it cause he worked all day (8 hours), he was tired and his neck hurt. Guess who changed them. Me. The one that is back to using the cane and shower stool, back on steroids and pain medications.

    For the record, he only worked Saturday and Sunday. He didn't work M-F at all last week. And he didn't go to school either.
  4. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Sooooooooo, apparently one of the things that I make "all about me" is the A/C. I won't let it set below 76 which keeps it at 74 in the house. I've been told by both of my children that "as long as [I'm] comfortable it doesn't matter how anyone else feels." Noooooo, it's because *I* pay the electric bill. And I have to be able to pay the electric bill or else they won't get to use the lights and computers they've become so attached to, let alone the A/C.

    I know I've been lenient on things, but never to the point where they should think that they get to have equal say.
  5. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    My house, my rules---when you get your own house, you get to set your own rules. Pretty simple.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Ya know, when my kids were teens..........I must've said that a zillion times a day, I swear.:mad:

    Eventually, I think it got drummed into their heads. But I still find I have to reinforce it on occasion.

    Fortunately, my kids know to keep a distance when I'm in pain or really sick.........and most certainly not to tick me off. I have zero tolerance during such times.

    I think the PCA was right. Two kids needed smacked upside the head tonight to re-adjust their attitude.:mad:

    Lordy. I'm so glad we've passed thru this stage.

  7. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    It's really "interesting" how difficult child took easy child's side because she's always telling me that easy child can *never* do anything wrong in my eyes.

    One thing my kids don't know about me is that I get to a point where I just don't care anymore. It takes a lot to get there, but I hit it tonight. Where I don't even feel mad anymore, I just don't care.

    If it were adults, it would be when I walk away and don't look back. With my kids? I don't care if they hate me. I don't care if they think I'm horrible. I'm not going to pay for guitar lessons that I can't afford just so someone can tell me over and over and over again how horrible I am; nor am I going to try to squeeze out money I don't have for anything else. And I don't care if easy child does the school thing or not. I don't care if he graduates. It's his life. I don't want to talk to him. I don't even want him in the house (he came back).
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    That's called giving them a heavy dose of reality.

    If they were to act like this in the real world, people would react the same way. There is nothing wrong with letting them know they've pushed you to the limit. I've done it many a time myself.

    If they want the ac cooler, tell easy child he gets to pay half the electric bill. Travis didn't think I was serious over his 2 hr shower/baths until I made him pay the water bill. I'm not too proud darn it. You run up a bill I don't have money to pay you can pay it.

    Adulthood is a 2 way street.

    Nor do I blame you over the guitar lessons. Ungratful kids don't deserve such luxuries, most especially when the budget is stretched overtight as it is.

    I think the kids current behavior is forcing you into detachment. That's not necessarilly a bad thing.

  9. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    When I say I get to that point, I'm beyond detaching. It's like a switch gets turned off and I really feel nothing.

    With easy child, it might stay that way for a while. I'm already melting on difficult child. She is ungrateful, she always tells me how horrible I am, and she's just not an easy child by any stretch of the imagination. But, she has a disability that skews her perception. She really sees the world in a different way.

    But, easy child....he's just being verbally abusive and controlling.
  10. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Sending many hugs. Not sure what else to say. I would be sorely tempted to shove a shoe up a tookus.

  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure what else to say, either. I know I'd be beyond furious, since I have very low nonsense tolerance levels. And I would also be tempted to do some attitude adjustments, upside the head, in the tookus, wherever.

    Many, many hugs.
  12. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    2-hour-shower... That reminds me... I was tired of not having hot water... So we turned the timer back on. The people who lived in the house before us were seriously GREEN-minded and had a timer installed on the water heater. We found out the first August when I was taking a bath mid-day on a weekend and got COLD WATER! YARGH!

    Anyway, I charge a dime for each time the light is left on or I have to turn off something like the TV, radio, etc. Also 25 cents for each item I have to pick up. After a couple of weeks doing chores and then not getting allowance - I'd count it out, then count back what they owed me, plus anything from the week before - it got better. Not great. But better. I still do that at times - but not quite like it was.

    I've pointed out that I pay the mortgage and bills, I make the rules. They don't like them, and break them every chance they get, but they don't want to go back to living with their mother. And husband doesn't want to live with his!