Kanga's thinkin'

[JJJ]

I got an e-mail from the therapist that Kanga is "just trying to focus on herself right now and get things in order" and that "she feels that if she focuses on your relationship it may set her back in her other goals". All she wants to do during family therapy is tell me "her progress and the things she is proud to have accomplished" Oh, and she wants her daddy to call her.




What a load of horse manure.

May I translate for you.... Kanga doesn't want me to bust her act so she is refusing to speak to me anymore. Kanga loves that everyone praises her for doing really minimal stuff (like breathing all day long!) and she wants to 'brag' about her non-accomplishments and then she'll cry to staff that mom is so mean when I don't show any excitement. Oh, and Christmas is coming and she wants to make sure that she gets her gifts and daddy is easy to manipulate because he almost never calls her on her koi, so have him call her so she can give her wish list.

.....I'm trying to remember the last time that Kanga didn't "just focus on herself" ..... nope, pretty sure she's always been all-about-Kanga-all-the-time.

I did tell husband about the request for a call and he said alright. I told him I was not telling him to call, just informing him of her request. You can tell that he has NEVER been the one to deal with all of her junk cause he is actually considering calling her. Obviously, he is a grown man and needs to make his own decisions but ....seriously aggravates me.

 

[Liahona]

She really has them snowed. Ugh.

 

[buddy]

JJJ, how old is she? Just curious. I am sorry for the frustration. She sounds a little desperate to keep control.

Hope if dad calls, that he will not cave into any demands. HUGS, Dee

 

[JJJ]

Buddy,

She just turned 17. husband won't cave but he'll let her say a ton of crazy stuff without calling her on it. Then she'll tell everyone that 'my daddy loves me' and 'my daddy agreed with everything I said' and best of all "My mommy never lets my daddy visit me, cause he'd see me every weekend if she wasn't so mean'

His point of view: why bother calling her on it? it just causes an argument.
My point of view: You call her on it because she needs to know that her "grand plans" aren't realistic or acceptable. You call her on it because when you don't, I am the one that has to clean up the fallout.

 

[HaoZi]

Have they pulled her out of that daycare job?

 

[JJJ]

Have they pulled her out of that daycare job?

They told me that without our permission that they would not be placing her there. I sent a "Memo of Understanding" stating that after my conversation with therapist that they had agreed to no day care work. They did not reply to that but legally, it will stand since they didn't challenge it and they know that.

 

[Bunny]

You call her on it because when you don't, I am the one that has to clean up the fallout.

Which, of course, makes you the bad guy. Don't you hate that?? That's what happens here and I drives me crazy!

Kanga really has them thinking that she's a great girl, doesn't she? It's amazing how much people really don't understand that these kids will say and do anything to get what they want.

 

[DaisyFace]

JJJ--

My difficult child is the same way. HATES, HATES HATES when Mom comes to therapy or talks with Behavior Therpaist because Mom tells them the truth. And up until Mom blows it for her, she receives all kinds of praise and attention for how great she is doing.

I really wish tdocs would pay better attention....

 

[Methuselah]

I actually smiled as I read your note. It was a been there done that smile. My two difficult children, especially difficult child 1, are masters of impression management. They work really hard to create this image of good, so they they can get away with their bad. People are conned all the time. They hate me around their victims, too, because I am always ready with the truth. They will effortlessly malign my character or anyone else's if need be, all to make themselves appear to be better than they are. :-/

What really had me smile is the need for praise. My difficult children always want parades and statues built when they do something mundane or ridiculous. For instance, difficult child 2 came to me a few months ago excited her favorite TV show was coming back regularly. I was loading clothes in the drier and said "oh that's nice." I looked up and my difficult child 2 said with a pout, "I thought you'd be happier for me." I said sarcastically "I'm sorry. I was figuring out which news staion to alert for your parade." She stomped off. Yes, I could have been kinder or said nothing, but I'm tired of being perceived as horrible if I don't petition the government to make everything a national holiday. It's exhausting.

 

[JJJ]

masters of impression management.

PERFECT!!! I'm going to start using this phrase!

 

[JJJ]

Just got a second e-mail...wanting to know if her dad is going to be calling her soon ...

 

[buddy]

masters of impression management

PERFECT!!! I'm going to start using this phrase!

I wish yours could share a little of this with mine...some kind of balance between them would be nice, lol

He just rips into me in front of anyone.... no ability to cover up... at times it is good (he gets caught every time), just as it is good at times to be able to disguise it. Why do they have to be the extremes?

 

[Bunny]

...I am always ready with the truth. They will effortlessly malign my character or anyone else's if need be, all to make themselves appear to be better than they are.

... but I'm tired of being perceived as horrible if I don't petition the government to make everything a national holiday. It's exhausting.

That must be a difficult child thing. Mine does it, too. Whnever he has a problem and he's telling someone what happened, it's always the other person who get put into the bad light and difficult child makes himself out to be a saint. It's never his fault. The other person always is the one who started it, be it easy child, me, his father, or a friend. I think that the therapist is starting to see through it, but that does not seem to be helping.

 

[Methuselah]

JJJ. Impression management is one of the best tools in a manipulator's tool box. I'm not kidding when I say my girls are masters. Their whole presentation is "who me? I'd never", when they do. Regularly. :-/

Impression management - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[mstang67chic]

Wait, wait, wait. Lemme get this straight. You mean to tell me that you're NOT supposed to priase the kids for staying in school all day instead of using some of those condoms in his dresser? Or for taking a shower? Or for feeding the animals. Once.

Really?

Well koi.

 

[ready2run]

i would email back that you passed on the message and if dad wants to call he will. i would also say something along the lines of not wanting to sit by and let her brag about all her so called accomplishments without being able to say anything about the real issues because family therapy is not meant as a show and tell for one member. that's just me though.

 

[JJJ]

i would email back that you passed on the message and if dad wants to call he will. i would also say something along the lines of not wanting to sit by and let her brag about all her so called accomplishments without being able to say anything about the real issues because family therapy is not meant as a show and tell for one member. that's just me though.

I think I will just wait until Monday to see if husband makes a decision, if not then I will take your advice and tell them that.

As far as family therapy, I do not have a good relationship with this therapist. The therapist in Residential Treatment Center (RTC)#2 and I worked very well together and that is where Kanga made her only progress wrt to family. I have to 'play nice' with this therapist for a few more months because she will write the report on our 'parental involvement' that is critical to our grant renewal.

 

[JJJ]

Wait, wait, wait. Lemme get this straight. You mean to tell me that you're NOT supposed to priase the kids for staying in school all day instead of using some of those condoms in his dresser? Or for taking a shower? Or for feeding the animals. Once.

Really?

Well koi.

Yes, praise and tangible rewards must be given for...

1. Attending school most of the time (I think she's missed 6 or so days so far this year).
2. Doing 3rd grade work for the 6th year in a row cause you convince everyone that you 'try hard'
3. Not having sex with random boys, this month
4. Not running away, this month
5. Not attacking staff, this month
6. Refusing to speak to parents

Yep, I really need to get that girl a trophy

 

[mstang67chic]

I think I have one of my difficult child's around here. 'Course it's probably stolen but hey....you get what you can.

 

[exhausted]

I have to 'play nice' with this therapist for a few more months because she will write the report on our 'parental involvement' that is critical to our grant renewal.

Are you kidding me? So the grant depends on how well you stay involved with a kid who has made no effort to be a part of your family, manipulates, abuses you (even though she is in Residential Treatment Center (RTC)), and demands phone calls from specific people??? You now have to play nice to a service provider who doesn't read past records (apparently), allows herself to be bamboozled, and caves into requests like, " I just want to report how well I am manipulatin, oops....I mean doing. No real therapy please."


And we wonder why some of our kids never get better. I'm sorry. I just find this horrid. Abused by your kid and the system.

On the husband issue-I bet this is a problem for many, many of us. I see it over and over with the kids I teach and I also live with suger daddy-who in reality is more angry and hopeless about difficult child than I am-but would never tell her because he sees what she does to me when I call her on her bull! He's not getting into that ring! Wonder what the lesson is to all of us "bad-cop" mamas?