Keeping track of money?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by toughlovin, Aug 31, 2010.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Not difficult children money, my money.

    I think I am missing 20$ out of my wallet, the only bill I had in there. The problem is I don't know when it happened, sometime since Sunday. Of course I think difficult child took it. I have asked him about it and he very calmly said he didn't. However I know he is a very good and convincing liar. BUT i could have somehow misplaced it or spent it or someone else not in the family could have lifted it.

    Probably difficult child took it which just leaves me feeling so icky. He has been back home for 3 days and I am worried about keeping track of money again.

    I can't be the only one here who has this issue? So how do you track of cash and know if your difficult child took it or not.

    I myself am not all that organized and there have been times when I have thought he has taken money when he hasn't.

  2. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I used to have that issue constantly. I always gave difficult child 1 the benefit of the doubt, felt as though I had to have courtroom-worthy proof before making an issue of it. Then, finally, I realized that it was difficult child 1's problem that he was untrustworthy and had a history of stealing, and that HE had to earn my trust back. If money went missing it was fair to look at him first; he had the history of theft. If it turned out that I had miscounted and he was innocent (might happen once in a blue moon), I didn't owe any big apologies (maybe a little one). Because he had to earn trust back and couldn't demand it when he had betrayed OUR trust so consistently.

    Chances are, you're not losing your mind. Chances are that your difficult child has taken the money. If it was the only bill in your wallet that took chutzpah.

    I did go to the lengths of conspicuously counting my cash each evening and writing the amount on a slip of paper. I airily claimed that it was part of my
    household budgeting but made sure difficult child 1 could see it. The number of incidents of missing money dropped dramatically.
  3. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I know you are right about the courtroom thing and the lack of trust. I guess what bothers me is he just came home and has been pretty is hard for me to believe it and I really don't want to....but it probably was him.

    I think what I am going to do is put a note clipped around the money to the effect if it goes missing then i will know he took it....and if he does he can't live here. That might at least make him stop and think....because part of his problem is impulsivity.
    Lasted edited by : Aug 31, 2010
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We have had this problem in the past...then it started up again just recently. With a huge blowout. We still dont know exactly what happened but it has left a big bitter gaping hole in the relations in my house.

    Cory has done so well in the stealing dept since I pressed charges for the checks. I mean we could leave money actually out on the counter and he wouldnt touch it. It was amazing!

    Then a couple of weeks or so ago Cory came into my room about 1 am or so and asked me if anyone had been to the house that day. I said no. I had been there all day and no one came in. He had left for work about 2 and I was still in my room. I came out around 3 and noticed my front door was pushed open about an inch but I figured he had just not pulled it closed tight when he left and one of the dogs nosed at it. I shut it. Mandy got home about 3:45. She got on the computer for a while but then we had a glitch in the power and it went out at about 5:30. She left the house then. I got up and started the dishes and supper. Tony got home about 7:30 and was working in the yard and I heard her come back but she only ran in the house and left again. Oh...Billy left for work sometime that morning and didnt get home till 9.

    When Cory got home that night around 1, he woke me up and said someone had stolen his change jar. Well...I didnt take, Tony didnt take it, Billy has never stolen anything.

    We checked OUR change jar which has been sitting on the kitchen counter for well over a year...heck two years now. It was gone too. I firmly believe Mandy stole the change jars because Cory said something about buying something for Keyana plus she was supposed to use some of her money to go buy school clothes and this "theft" gave her reason to get money from Cory and she hates him spending anything on anyone but her.

    Our jar was situated in such a way that you had to slide it very carefully out from behind two other jars and a vase of dried flowers that fell off it you even touched them. Nothing was moved. Now what kind of crook goes to that kind of effort? Who can remember how a pattern of jars is set up unless you see them every day? Plus....I have a flat screen monitor right beside the door. It doesnt work but who knows it doesnt unless you live here?

    Cory says why would mandy steal her own hide it at her friends house dummy! So she could get more from him. DUH!
  5. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    My suggestion would be to remove all doubt by securing your wallet. Either keep it on your person at all times, or lock it away somewhere that your difficult child can't get at it. Here is my reasoning:

    1) You know he has had issues with stealing in the past, and that he continues to have impulse control issues now.
    2) Locking up your wallet removes a source of temptation -- your difficult child is unable to give into the impulse if the target is unavailable.
    3) You will know that your wallet and money are secure. If money goes missing when it's securely locked up, you have bigger issues and you have clear cause for your difficult child to leave.

    I have a very low tolerance for breaches of trust. My difficult child used to steal, and just go through other people's things out of nosiness. Although his impulsivity is better controlled than it used to be due to a better medications regimen, he lost my trust many years ago and has never fully regained it. Even though he hasn't stolen anything from me in a few years, I still put everything in my house in lockdown when I know he's coming for a visit. Peace of mind for me, fewer confrontations for the family, and my things don't get taken and/or destroyed anymore.