Lack of sibling contact

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Dec 22, 2010.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    It has been 3 years this week since Kanga lived with us. In those 3 years, there was a 10-month span of time near the beginning where she didn't see the younger kids and it has now been 14 months since she saw them last (in between that she had 5-6 monthly family visits that included the kids). Eeyore and Piglet have not spoken with her on the phone in 10 months and both state that they have no plans to speak to her. Tigger has spoken to her twice for 1-2 minutes in the last couple of months.

    The younger kids tdocs all pushed for severely limiting their contact with her due to her abuse of them. There are no plans to reintroduce them to each other. In my ideal world, she leaves them alone forever. In reality, it's a 50/50 crapshoot whether she disappears back to her "birth culture" or stalks them/us.

    Has anyone else had a similiar situation? How did the sibling "relationship" work out as adults? Were the victim-sibs able to hold their own as adults? Did the abuser try to continue their abuse? Did they just stay away from each other?
  2. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Triple J, as you know there has been limited contact between kt & wm. Mostly per my orders with therapist's backing me up.

    I agree this whole thing is a crapshoot. The tweedles want to get to "know" one another; the hx is too entrenched with both of them being victimized in the bio home. wm cont'd as perpetrator & kt as victim. The last visit here at my home ended tragically with wm insisting that he was hurt worst & kt should move out to let him move home. wm was physically dragged out of here after he threatened kt with a scissors & I found 2 other weapons he'd snuck into my home/car.

    If I could get away from the twin thing & the tweedles insistence on getting to know each other I'd not allow after they become adults. Because they are both insistent we will once again try to do visits in a well supervised neutral setting. I will again put a stop to it if it goes like last August. (see my recent post here on the Christmas visit ~ this isn't the norm for kt & wm). After they turn 18 I no longer have the say so on visits so I once again hope to get the tweedles to acknowledge each other as siblings not victims, not perpetrators; not the poor little old me orphan.

    So far, other than a few decent visits, wm or kt have become verbally, emotionally &/or physically aggressive. The hx is just too ingrained. It's too much a part of who they are. AND sadly kt & wm do much better living separate lives. I hate this scenario but it's what it is.

    I also fear that wm will stalk both kt & myself. If the visits do not go well or if either of them begin to regress I will stop said visits. I also plan on moving out of this state when kt & wm hit 18.

    I hope this makes sense.
  3. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    Although this is not an adoption situation, I had to cut contact with my sister because she is dangerous. I have not seen her in 16 years or spoken to her (other than about our father's death) in more than 5. I do not know where she lives other than the city, which is thousands of miles from mine, do not have her phone number or contact info and have no desire to ever see or hear from her again. When we were kids, she threatened me physically to the point where I had a lock on the outside of my room to prevent her from stealing my things and/or lying in wait for me AND on the inside for when I was asleep. She was very abusive verbally but I am quick verbally as well and could fight back on a level playing field in that area. She is younger than I am by 2 years so my parents often blamed me for not being nice to her (which explains why I did not see my dad for 11 years before he died or my mom since then).

    Sometimes, siblings are not meant to be in each other's lives and it doesn't matter if they are full biological or not.