Latest update, long

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by FlipFlops, Aug 3, 2009.

  1. FlipFlops

    FlipFlops Guest

    Hi Everyone,
    Haven't been on in awhile. Thought I would let everyone know where things stand here. 4th of July weekend we drove difficult child to a camp out of state. Boy, two day drives in the car can be fun........... I also have a very slight vision problem that can give me migraines. The fun never stops.
    We checked him in on a Sunday. Things went just fine. He also attended this camp last year and managed not to get kicked out. The plan was to go to camp and when that was over (3weeks) we would pick him up and drive him to a therapuetic boarding school in yet another state, but only about 4 hours drive. On our way home husband and I stopped off in a state with casinos and had a mini vacation for a couple of days. Had a blast!! Didn't want to leave.
    The following Sunday we got a call saying things weren't working out and he was probably going to be kicked out the next day. We would have until Tuesday to come get him or we could pay them to transport him to the school he would be going to. Spent Monday making travel arrangements and flew out that night. Picked difficult child up at camp Tuesday. He gave me a big hug and smile when he saw me. It felt really really good.
    We drove to next state. The drive went surprisingly well. I had him do the arm thing at the truck drivers to get them to honk their big horns. He got a big kick out of that!! On the way difficult child wanted to get some snacks and drinks. Gave him $20 and sent him in to gas station. He came out with snacks and a goofy little cheap ring, the adjustable kind that turns your finger green. At first all I could think was I really didn't want to wear it and wished he hadn't bought it. Said thank you and put it on anyway. A month later, and I'm happily still wearing it because a really strange thing happened at the hotel that night. We talked about him staying at the school. I explained that we haven't given up on him and that is why we are placing him there. difficult child is also really big into Texas Hold 'Em so tried the analogy that people buy into a poker tournament because they think they have a chance at winning the big pot at the end. We are "buying in" on him, spending a decent chunk of money because we think he has a chance. Then I told him we are all in, betting everything on him. But the strange thing that happened was after he went to sleep I started crying and couldn't stop. All of a sudden, all the defensive walls that I had put up towards difficult child over the last few years were gone. I actually felt my love for him and was vulnerable. I really don't know the last time I felt that way with him without being guarded because at any minute all h*ll might break loose. I guess because I knew this was my last night with him for a long time, and that he wouldn't be able to hurt me for a long time, I didn't have to protect myself. Two hours of crying took its toll though. The next morning my eyes were SO swollen!! I even called ahead to the school to warn them I looked horrible and may be an emotional basket case at check in. All this crying is also out of character for me. I usually keep myself in check. I was glad husband had not gone with me on this trip because I wouldn't have allowed myself to cry like this with him. I would have tried to be strong for him.
    difficult child and I took a tour of the place. It is in the middle of nowhere on lots of land. It looks more like an outdoor camp than a traditional school. The staff was really nice and understanding, and patient. I think they are ready for anything difficult child can throw their way. I think that once difficult child realizes he can't get kicked out he will get with the program. At least I hope so.
    I have had two calls so far. The first one I held my breath during. They were telling me some of the things he had done, and I was afraid they were going to tell me he was getting kicked out. They seemed surprised when I asked about it. I told them they have to begin all conversations with he's not getting kicked out, but this is how things have been going. The last call they said he is still acting up and stuff, but seems to be making a little progress.
    I actually miss him a little. I have a care package I am putting together for him upcoming b-day. Picture album of family and pets. Things like that. There is a lot of extended family writing and sending cards. My mom sends him a card or letter about three times a week. She's good about that stuff. I also have a picture of difficult child with a real spiked mohawk. (He only had it for one day just so ya know). I ordered custom postage stamps with that picture on it. I think he will really get a huge kick out of that when he gets a letter with one!!
    So here was my update. Also, the cheap ring he bought me is really sentimental now. I have a flip flop shoe "addiction" the way some women have regular shoe addictions and the ring has a flip flop on it. I didn't think anything about this when he gave it to me. But when my friend saw it, she pointed out the fact that he must have bought it because of the flip flop on it. That makes it even more special now. It had really been a thoughtful gesture. He probably thought that because I like flip flops so much I would like the ring that much too. husband and I are really married but neither of us wear our wedding rings. When difficult child gave it to me I had put it on my pinky but moved it to ring finger and that is where it stays.
  2. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi pj,

    Awww, it sounds like you and difficult child really reconnected during the trip to the boarding school. Crying is aloud you know...of course your heart is still touched by your difficult child especially when he's being so sweet.

    I remember now why you and I connected in the's my young difficult child, who is of course not so young now at age 20, but he is my Jekyl and Hyde ya know. One minute it was raging anger and the next minute just the sweetest lil boy on earth.
    I'm so glad you and your difficult child had that special time to bond again.
    Love the ring too...that is very sentimental.

    Keep us updated on how the school year goes.
    I so hear you on them letting you know that difficult child is NOT getting kicked out when they call ya.
    Hopefully this is the beginning of better days for all.

    Thinking of you...
    OH, and I am a casino queen so I totally hear ya on the fun you and husband had. My husband and I just celebrated 23 yrs of marriage on July 25th...we went to the casino of course, lol.