mentalcase
New Member
Hi Everyone! I'm new to this forum but I already feel at home. So many common scenarios. My son was 15 when he started smoking weed. I tried monitoring him with drug tests (that he would botch). I took him to counseling for a while and I noticed about 6 months ago his behavior had really changed. I knew he was high, but I didn't know on what. Well, turns out that he was using xannie bars pretty frequently. In two years he went from an honors student who played in sports to a kid arrested on multiple theft charges who was thrown out of his school. It's been a heartbreaking, gut wrenching journey. Do you know how there is that one moment, when you put all the pieces together, and nothing is the same after that? That happened to me when my son was rushed to the hospital from his school for being high. When they asked him to give a urine analysis, he kept spitting in the cup. They had to threaten him with a catheter so he'd give a clean sample. My denial that this was just a phase in adolescence and it would pass shattered. I wanted to share a "Letter to Mom's" that has helped me. I read it everyday before work. I hope it helps you as well (It's from an al-anon site)
Dear Mom,
You want to hear from Me about letting your son go. You are not abandoning him, as much as it may feel like it. You are simply transferring his wellbeing from your care to Mine.
It was never My intention for you to direct, guide, and control his life. That is My role. Yours in the beginning was to love him, protect him, and teach him. You’ve done that. He was never yours to keep.
To have peace, you must let him go. Your stubborn self-will only gets in the way of the plans I have for him.
I know it is not your intention to interfere, but you are. You are not all-wise and all-powerful. You cannot remove his disease. You cannot love him to wellness. Only I can do that.
You must trust that I care for your son’s wellbeing. You must trust that I love him more than your humanly love. My thoughts, My ways, My plans are bigger than you can comprehend. Your lives are so short, yet you waste so much in worry and fear.
Yes, your son may cut his life short. That is not My intention, but it is his choice. He must trust Me also, and seek to have a relationship with Me. Only then can I work in his life. I will not force Myself on him or you. I am more than willing to be involved in your lives, but only to the degree you let Me. We both know what a struggle trusting Me has been for you.
You can’t make it any easier for your son to trust Me. He has to find Me on his own, and he’s doing that to the best of his ability. Let him do that. Get out of the way. Love him as My child, the way I love you. But let him go so that he can be himself, whoever that may be.
We’re in this together. You can come to Me anytime to tell Me your worries and concerns. I’ll listen. I always have. But I may choose to be silent. That’s My way of stretching you and growing you.
I know you love your son, and I love you for that. But ultimately, he is My child, and I know what’s best for him. Entrust him to Me and you will grow. You will find the peace you want. You have so much in your own life to focus on. Focus on growing yourself, and let Me worry about your son.
Loving you always,
Your Higher Power
Dear Mom,
You want to hear from Me about letting your son go. You are not abandoning him, as much as it may feel like it. You are simply transferring his wellbeing from your care to Mine.
It was never My intention for you to direct, guide, and control his life. That is My role. Yours in the beginning was to love him, protect him, and teach him. You’ve done that. He was never yours to keep.
To have peace, you must let him go. Your stubborn self-will only gets in the way of the plans I have for him.
I know it is not your intention to interfere, but you are. You are not all-wise and all-powerful. You cannot remove his disease. You cannot love him to wellness. Only I can do that.
You must trust that I care for your son’s wellbeing. You must trust that I love him more than your humanly love. My thoughts, My ways, My plans are bigger than you can comprehend. Your lives are so short, yet you waste so much in worry and fear.
Yes, your son may cut his life short. That is not My intention, but it is his choice. He must trust Me also, and seek to have a relationship with Me. Only then can I work in his life. I will not force Myself on him or you. I am more than willing to be involved in your lives, but only to the degree you let Me. We both know what a struggle trusting Me has been for you.
You can’t make it any easier for your son to trust Me. He has to find Me on his own, and he’s doing that to the best of his ability. Let him do that. Get out of the way. Love him as My child, the way I love you. But let him go so that he can be himself, whoever that may be.
We’re in this together. You can come to Me anytime to tell Me your worries and concerns. I’ll listen. I always have. But I may choose to be silent. That’s My way of stretching you and growing you.
I know you love your son, and I love you for that. But ultimately, he is My child, and I know what’s best for him. Entrust him to Me and you will grow. You will find the peace you want. You have so much in your own life to focus on. Focus on growing yourself, and let Me worry about your son.
Loving you always,
Your Higher Power
