Limited computer usage

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Andy, Aug 29, 2008.

  1. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I will have limited time with the computer for awhile. easy child has signed up for on-line classes and needs this computer because hers crashed while on her trip to NYC. husband will be getting her a new one soon (I think maybe today?)

    easy child calls me at work, "Do you want my old computer?"

    "Why would I want your computer if it does not work?"

    "All it needs is a new power cord. Dad said he will get one if you want the computer."

    "If that is all it needs, why do you need a new computer?"

    "I need a better computer for online classes."

    Then yesterday she complained about having to watch her godchild last night. I told her that she needs to put her education ahead of those kids she babysits for. She said, "You and dad are the ones who complain that I don't work." "You need a REAL job - one that you can work 1/2 the time and get the same $$$ so you can have more time for school." Also, godchild's grandma needs to not be relying on easy child to watch the baby whenever she isn't able to. Very funny how she freaked out when the baby was very young and easy child was babysitting but it is o.k. for easy child to watch the baby when she is suppose to and has other plans. I had to remind easy child that she only gets paid when godchild's mom is in school - not for the times that the mom is working an/or grandma has the baby.

    So, I hope easy child gets a new computer today - then I can be on more often at nights again - otherwise I will need to work around easy child's time.

    And I told easy child she needed to get a real job and move out of the house - I have had it with her total disrespect of me and difficult child. I told her that difficult child's problems were a result of her cra##y behavior toward him when he was a baby and toddler and young kid.

    She told me that I am her problem because I was born. The stupid thing is that I have not done anything lately except make her accountable for signing up for college and telling her to put her education 1st. I overheard her using her favorite four letter word about me and difficult child on the phone last night and told her that she has a problem to which she replied that I was the problem. Since I am such a huge problem - then she better be finding a new place to live!

    She is feeling the pressure of responsibililty and needs to blame someone for her stress - that someone is me as always. She is doing so well - why can't she just be proud of what she is doing and stop focusing on the difficulty?

    husband is going to ask easy child to show him a work time budget - She needs to set times to do home work and say "no" to watching the godchild if it is outside the regular time she has agreed to babysit while the mom is at school.

    I better get going - gotta get difficult child ready for school and off to work for me. husband will be taking difficult child to school.
     
  2. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    It's your problem because she was born? I'm fed exing my spork to you.

    Abbey
     
  3. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Wow Andy,
    I have no idea what to say. (Are you sure she's not a difficult child?)

    I hope that easy child gets a new computer so that you're not stuck working around her schedule.

    Sending hugs, a bottle of bubble bath and a scented candle.
    If that doesn't work, I second Abbey's idea about the spork.

    Trinity
     
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Abbey, It is my problem because I was born. Make that your extra large sharp spork.

    Trinity - I think she is a difficult child in her relationship to me.

    She called me today, "Mom, If I put some cheap shirts aside at TJ Max will you come pay for them?" "Absolutely NOT! Don't ask me for ANYTHING until you can be nice to me for one entire month." So about 1 hour later, "Mom, can you come over to Payless and pay for some shoes?" "NO! I told you not to ask anything of me. Since I am the core of life's problems, you need to stay away from me and NOT ask me for anything until you can show me that you can be respectful to me and difficult child."

    husband did get her a new computer today, "The pink one that I wanted because I am a princess." See what I mean about being a diva?
     
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry. I really don't think these are easy child behaviors. Especially if she truly is part of why your son has so many problems.

    Is there a disconnect between how you treat her and how your husband treats her? Does he treat her better than you?

    What does your husband think about the way she treats you /speaks to you?? What is HIS opinion of her asking you to pay off her stuff after her disrespect/rudeness to you? Does he know how she speaks to you? If he does know, why did he get a new computer for her???

    It jsut seems like a very stressful thing - you saying seh needs to move, him buying her a brand new computer when all she needs is a much less expensive part. Are you and husband sending the messages to her that you intend to send to her?
     
  6. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    She needed the computer for on-line classes at school. The old computer was not equipped to what is needed to tap into the programs. I will get the old computer so difficult child can have this one back.

    husband does not treat easy child better than he treats me. He is supportive of my decision not to buy her anything based on how she treats me.

    husband has always been quiet and on the road a lot. easy child sees me as the mean one. She always thinks that any negative decisions come from me. She sees her dad as a pushover, "I can get anything from dad!" which is also not true. She is starting to realize that she can not get everything from her dad and she thinks that it is because I am not allowing it. She thinks I am interferring in her manipulations when in fact husband does see through them and I am the one who would give in not him.

    easy child knows that husband does not like to spend money and it is my spending that gets her what she wants most of the time. I do leave the big ticket item decisions to husband (computers, vehicles, ect.) but for the most part I am the pushover.

    She doesn't like the fact that I have decided she is now ready to support herself at another level. She can buy her own clothes, shoes, ect. We will pay for college but it is up to her to start pitching in more financially. We did stop paying for gas when she finished her high school classes - no more school - no need for gas from parents to get you there.

    She has taken everything we have given her for granted so now she has to learn the hard way how precious those gifts were. Whenever she is stressed, she finds a way to blame me, always has.

    She has signed up for 4 on-line classes and has only one assignment left from this week. She signed up on Tuesday following a placement test that she had to set up and spent about $7.50 at the library printing out her sylabises (? spelling) on Wednesday. She had to deal with college staff not returning her calls but I told her that she had 5 months to get this done and because she waited until the last day of registration (last Friday) to do anything, I could not help her. The phones would be just as busy for me and know one would call me back either.

    She needs to learn not to procrastinate - she is so lucky to get in at this late date. The college assigned an advisor which she didn't think she could talk to until after she was enrolled. I told her to ask the advisor what to do since she will not listen to me and that if the college assigned this person already, this person can advise on how to get enrolled. So she called the advisor and followed that person's instructions. (I proved to be right once again and that fries her) She also had to get her transcript from a private school that is closed on Fridays and closed this week. She called the school's secretary at home who was kind enough to go in and take care of it last Friday (Thank goodness for small private schools with awesome staff who really do care about the kids - I will thank her on Tuesday when I sign difficult child up for tutoing). The on-line person also assisted her on getting books which were set aside for me to pay for. One book was not in the book store so easy child spent time with her advisor to order it on line and just called me for the credit card number when it was time to pay.

    So, she is very capable of handling life. She would just rather someone handle it for her and sees me as the one preventing anyone from catering to her. I think she spends too much time solving her friend's problems that she wants me to solve hers. She needs to walk away from these "friends" and focus on her own self right now. That is why I wish she would go off to college - some kids need to get out of town to start new.

    She is going to be an awesome adult once she recognizes her own abilities and can cut her home town ties. I am so happy she hasn't mentioned a certain friend lately and outside of her godchild and her other babysitting job, she is focusing on school.

    She was 6 when difficult child was born and was very jealous of what she perceived as the spotlight being moved from her to him which also was not true. He was a quiet easy baby making it even easier to continue to stay as active as I could be in her life - making sure we had mom/daughter time, taking her to voice lessons, girl scouts, concerts, etc. She did not get pushed to the back burner when brother came along but I guess she can't handle any attention he did get because it was given to him and not her. Very selfish! And as much as I tried to find ways for the two of them to bond, it is difficult with the 6 year difference and it never happened.

    difficult child adores easy child but is tired of her rudeness. We were both floored when she offered to take him swimming not to long ago. There is hope yet!

    Not many people outside the home have seen her true colors. She really is a great person who just happens to use me as the focus of getting rid of anger, stress, whatever. It is like she takes all her negativeness and throws it away using me as her garbage can. Like when our difficult children have held it together to be good all day and then meltdown when they walk into the house? I am her melting pot. People always comment to me how mature she is and how she can learn and handle job duties well. If you met her, you wouldn't have a clue that she behaves like this at home.

    She is just resisting in taking on grown up responsibilities. I don't get it, when I was her age, I actually looked forward to showing myself that I could live on my own and meet my own responsibilities. I think she is just scared to take that next step - afraid of failure. One day last weekend, she was home alone overnight - I told husband that by the sound of her voice, I don't think she liked it and he agreed. She doesn't like to come home at night to an empty house.

    I know she will not fail but she feels that she has to prepare me to be at fault if anything does happen. I am her safety net in her eyes. If I truly didn't feel she could handle it, I wouldn't be pushing for her to grow up. Then I remind myself that she is a young graduate - just turned 18 in July so in order to be where the other graduates are, she does need another six months to a year to mature - most kids are 18 before they graduate.

    So for rambling - thank you for reading - I hope it makes sense - my people person will make it, just needs more time to mature (I hope!).
     
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