I keep second guessing my decision. I am so upset, I can't keep even water down. If I was childless I would go to the hospital I feel that bad. History quickly, my difficult child is 10, diagnosis'd with several things, back and forth, bipolar, depression, anxiety, anger, mood disorder, ADHD. Been on several different medications and we recently 6 days ago released from a week long stay in the mental hospital for kids for threats of killing himself. His anger has been out of control, especially with me. He is so defiant, not just to me, but to teachers, bus drivers, me, step dad, just about everyone. His bio father and I are divorced, we actually have 2 boys, but my oldest has these issues. His bio father and I have a nice relationship and he has alot of respect for his father and step mom. They have no other children, they live in Indiana though. We have spoken about moving there so difficult child can be closer to his dad, and maybe this would help. I've thought about letting him let with his father for over a year. Well this last month has just been so much to bear, he ran away from home, the hospital, counseling, and all I do just isn't working. And his father and I have decided for him to go live with him in Indiana (I'm in New York) we (my husband and I) talked about moving to Indiana anyways this summer after school gets out. But now my husband is anxious about doing it now, since he's from NY and I'm from there. Honestly, husband and I aren't doing too well. He is supportive at times, and at times horrible to deal with, I find him selfish, and immature alot of times. I don't feel this is good for my difficult child either. BUT here is my dilemma, IF he doesn't want to move this summer, and I need too badly because I have NEVER been away from my difficult child more then 8 weeks at a time, he can force my 2 daughters to live here in NY due to custody and stuff. I'm so scared that if my 2 daughters have to live within so many miles of where we live now, and I have 1 son in Indiana I will only see him 8 wks in summer, 1 week at Xmas and 1 week at Spring break, of course I can go there and see him when I want, but 1,300 miles is alot, and we don't have alot of money. I feel I have went down every avenue I can, and I think that he will prosper from living with his dad who can give him more attention then maybe I can, since he's 1 of 4 children. I have tried just everything, but his violence is out of control, and I'm scared for my other children's safety. I called my parents today and told them (they live 2 hours away from bio dad) and instead of support while I'm crying so hard, I felt like my father just causally brushed his behaviors on being a normal 10 yr old boy. And made me really doubt my decision talking about losing my child support since 1 child will live with- dad and one won't. I'm just sick over this. I have told difficult child and he understands, but he's went from crying, to anger, to giddy, to neutral, but of course I think he is scared too, mainly to change schools and leave his siblings. I just don't know what else to do. i feel like I have to try this, if I don't he's going to be in jail soon, or worse, hurt himself or by accident or otherwise one of us. I'm so sad, so so sad. Someone please tell me this will all work out. Do you believe in faith?