Still here, just reading and thinking. Right now difficult child is home sick again (pneumonia and asthma-induced bronchitis).
On one hand, I understand and accept everything that's said here by everyone. On the other hand, though, I guess I'm like my son in that I haven't gone through the pain yet, so I can't truly comprehend the threat.
And then there's the several therapists, docs, and teachers who are encouraging us to keep the forward progress moving while addressing the drugs because his real problems are emotional and internal, which is causing the dependancy on pot.
It's very hard to make a choice. I went to a couple of Nar-anon meetings where I got a universal "give him the boot" message. Several folks here have said the same thing. I've also read from others here and in several books that kicking kids out of the house for noncompliance/defiance can actually make things worse for them. Others say it's the best thing you can do.
:faint:
And there are days when I could go either way. The problem is that no matter what, the choices we (wife and I) make now will have lasting and permanent impact on my son. And for every tough love story, there's a story of tough love not working (and actually hurting). For every "you can't love them enough" story, there's a story of not doing enough, with serious consequences resulting (upto the loss of a child).
It's information overload for us, and I feel it's nearly impossible to make a choice about what to do. Not to dismiss anything anyone here has said, but to us it seems that no matter what we do it's a crapshoot. And how it turns out ultimately comes down to what my son does, not what we do.
So we do the best we can. We preserve what we can for ourselves and the family (including our beloved difficult child). We're starting to stand our ground (to the degree we're able). But we're also trying to keep the door open for the chance that he will make another good decision.
And we pray a whole, whole lot.
There's not much else I can say. There may come a day when we have to boot him out, but then again there may come a day when being patient gave us the chance to get though to him when he was ready to listen. What will happen? I don't know. So, when in doubt, I tread water, keep my eyes open, and hope for some sign of which direction to start swimming in. For now, that's all I can do.
Mikey
PS: That doesn't mean we aren't going after the pot issue, but I don't think I can be as agressive as some here suggest (yet I may end up being more agressive than others suggest). I guess I'll find out if it's too much (or not enough). Either way, there's enough good and bad with either decision to make me wish I had become a priest when chosing a vocation.