Mom, What will the police do?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Andy, Oct 25, 2008.

  1. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    easy child is babysitting until 2:00 am for J and S's 1 yr old baby at J's apartment while he is at work. She has been friends of S's for a long time. J and S are both in their 20's. They were suppose to get married until S got pregnant and kicked J out.

    I have asked easy child to stay away fom S's home because I feel it is not a good place for the baby. However, easy child goes over to see another friend N (also quite a bit older than easy child) a lot. I have told easy child that when S gets into trouble with baby L that she will be pulled into it just for being in the house. Baby L is often left with S's sister H who has been in and out of jail numerous times and refused to take L to ER one time because there was a warrant out for her arrest.

    I find out today that S has gotten into trouble and baby L (rash and bruise) is now in J's full time custody. S and N (who has two kids of her own in the house) have created a new house list of people not allowed over (easy child thinks this has to do with the social services investigation?). easy child is on that list (and I couldn't be happier!) easy child said both girls are drama queens. (I'll have to ask her what is happening with N's kids!).

    Anyway, just S drove by J's apt and saw easy child's vehicle. She called J at work and told him she was calling the police on easy child. easy child calls me and asks what will the police do? easy child states she has lots of people who will vouch for her as a good babysitter (and she is one of the best). She is afraid that if this goes on her record, she will not get paid for watching another friend's baby (government funding). I told her that if the police do show up tonight that they will just make sure that baby L is safe. If she is not, they will remove her and possibly arrest easy child. However, since she is safe, there is nothing to worry about. I told easy child to be truthful and calm if the police do come and asked if she wanted me to come over to be there if the police do come. She said she was fine alone and they think S is bluffing. S had called the police on J not too long ago so I told easy child that the police will know that S is starting to behave like this and though they have to follow up on every complaint, they will not be surprised that her's will come to dead ends.

    I have told easy child that she should not be dealing with these "friends". They are all atleast 4 years older than her (which is a lot when you are 18) and she seems to be the mature one in the bunch. I had talked to all her older friends and asked that they encourage her to go to college. They all refused to do so because if she went away to college they would loose their problem solver.

    She is so concerned with baby L. "Who else does J have to watch her?" "But easy child, this is not your problem and I don't want you pulled into any of their legal problems."

    Such is the life of my easy child these days! When is she going to learn that her friend's lifestyles effect her and she needs to walk away? She doesn't have to solve their problems for them?
     
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    What a mess Andy! And this could get alot uglier before it's over.

    I'd sit down and talk to easy child like you would a good friend who is potentially putting themselves into the middle of something its not such a good idea to be in. It's good she's concerned for the baby (shows her maturity and mothering instinct) But it's not up to easy child to protect this baby, that's the parents/family's/cps's job.

    J can get daycare for the baby. If J can't afford it they can apply for a grant to help pay it thru welfare. Baby will be safe. J will have someone to care for baby. And easy child can be out of the middle.

    No 18 yr old needs this sort of drama.

    Hugs
     
  3. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    If the baby is in J's full time custody then he has the right to engage whatever babysitter he wants. easy child is not wanted by the police and they have no reason to think that the baby is being abused while easy child babysits. What exactly is S going to complain to the police about? If she lies, she's making a false police report. Since she has already called police unreasonably on J since J gained custody, another meritless complaint is going to go badly for S, not for easy child. With repeated harassment of himself and babysitters and S driving by his apartment when he's not there, J probably has the basis for a restraining order against S, or even a stalking charge. I agree that easy child probably should stay away from this situation but she needn't worry that she'll be in trouble with the police. It's S that she should be worried about.
     
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Andy

    I agree what a mess, yet what maturity she shows by her concern for the baby.

    Yet if she, your daughter won't listen to you is there anyone else that could try talking to her about them, and the affect their friendship is having on her, the unnecessary drama, etc?

    It is a sad situation, yet I know how you feel I would be upset also if my older daughter was involved with friends like that.

    good luck, it's a rough one. I know my daughter never wants to hear anything from me in regards to her friends.
     
  5. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Andy,
    What a mess.
    I agree that your easy child is showing great maturity in looking after Baby L. However, I agree with you and the other posters that she needs to distance herself from these people. And quickly.

    I understand that she feels loyalty to her friends. It's also a real rush to be needed and to feel that you're a big help, the "go-to" person, etc. Especially considering that she's so much younger than they are. But...they're all using her and if she weren't available they would find someone else to step in.

    I like Jennifer's suggestion of having a trusted person talk to your easy child about the situation. Sometimes information like this has to come from someone other than mom for an 18 yr old to listen to and really hear it.

    {{{hugs}}}
    Trinity
     
  6. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Thank you everyone! Yes, my thoughts exactly. I will talk to our church's Director of Christian Education to see if she can talk to easy child about all this.
     
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