Had another session with Ms Ally this morning.
She now agrees that confronting difficult child during a rage would be bad. OK!
She feels that one of our goals is to keep difficult child from raging in the first place. OK! Agreed!
Ms Ally feels that this can be accomplished using a behavior contract system. She would like us to impose consequences on all of the things that indicate that difficult child's anger is building.
The theory is that if difficult child does not start up with these angry behaviors when upset - then we will not get a build-up into a rage.
IOW - if difficult child is upset for some reason....we are to forbid her from stomping, slamming doors, muttering under her breath, speaking in an angry tone of voice, etc...and if she does engage in any of these things - there is to be an immediate consequence.
I am a little confused. I'm not sure how I am going to be able to police things such as "muttering".
Did I hear muttering? You just lost your telephone priviledges, young lady!
I also cannot help but think that the behavior contract is not the correct way to control a person's emotions. But that is the solution Ms Ally seems determined to use.
I also asked her about DBT to help difficult child break her cycle of always interpreting things around her in a negative manner - but Ms Ally says they don't offer that.
She just keeps stressing that if WE change OUR behaviors - then difficult child will change HERS.
She emphasized several times that we need to stop arguing. Well, arguing is not one of our problems. difficult child doesn't argue - she just flies off the handle.
Ms Ally said that if we didn't yell and scream - neither would difficult child.
She asked the classic question: "How many people does it take to have an argument?"
We told her that we know the correct answer to the question is "two" - but in our house, difficult child doesn't need anyone to argue with her....she will have whole conversations at the top of her lungs as IF she is arguing with someone - even though no one is actually answering her.
So that went on the list of behaviors we are supposed to prohibit. 'difficult child will stop ranting and raving to herself.'
So -
What's an appropriate consequence for an angry kid that is muttering and talking to themselves?
And do we think the consequence will make any difference?
She now agrees that confronting difficult child during a rage would be bad. OK!
She feels that one of our goals is to keep difficult child from raging in the first place. OK! Agreed!
Ms Ally feels that this can be accomplished using a behavior contract system. She would like us to impose consequences on all of the things that indicate that difficult child's anger is building.
The theory is that if difficult child does not start up with these angry behaviors when upset - then we will not get a build-up into a rage.
IOW - if difficult child is upset for some reason....we are to forbid her from stomping, slamming doors, muttering under her breath, speaking in an angry tone of voice, etc...and if she does engage in any of these things - there is to be an immediate consequence.
I am a little confused. I'm not sure how I am going to be able to police things such as "muttering".
Did I hear muttering? You just lost your telephone priviledges, young lady!
I also cannot help but think that the behavior contract is not the correct way to control a person's emotions. But that is the solution Ms Ally seems determined to use.
I also asked her about DBT to help difficult child break her cycle of always interpreting things around her in a negative manner - but Ms Ally says they don't offer that.
She just keeps stressing that if WE change OUR behaviors - then difficult child will change HERS.
She emphasized several times that we need to stop arguing. Well, arguing is not one of our problems. difficult child doesn't argue - she just flies off the handle.
Ms Ally said that if we didn't yell and scream - neither would difficult child.
She asked the classic question: "How many people does it take to have an argument?"
We told her that we know the correct answer to the question is "two" - but in our house, difficult child doesn't need anyone to argue with her....she will have whole conversations at the top of her lungs as IF she is arguing with someone - even though no one is actually answering her.
So that went on the list of behaviors we are supposed to prohibit. 'difficult child will stop ranting and raving to herself.'
So -
What's an appropriate consequence for an angry kid that is muttering and talking to themselves?
And do we think the consequence will make any difference?