My daughter is giving up...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lonelyroad, Mar 31, 2012.

  1. lonelyroad

    lonelyroad New Member

    Out of school now for 2 weeks, no energy, won't try to do anything to help herself...to make her shower is a screaming match.to get her to school, is a crying match....she is petrified to return to Grade 8..

    She got invited to a friends today, but made an excuse to not go, my husband freaked on her and said he was going to call Children's Aid...to scare her, I guess...

    My theory is as soon as they see how many professionals are involved with her care they will step away..

    She just wants to give up, sees nothing good, no hope, she is truly depressed, even the Doctors tell her medications will only do so much, she has to want to get better, sigh.....
     
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    If things are that bad, is an inpatient stay needed? That gets her the help she seems to need without you guys being the "bad guys". My difficult child 1 went through a period like that because of school stuff (caused by ruthless & uncaring school staff) and it is sooo hard to watch. It took everything I had to not lose my temper because he was REALLY suffering.
     
  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Yes I agree that it sounds like time for inpatient care. Have you asked her psychiatrist about that possibility?
     
  4. keista

    keista New Member

    ((((HUGS)))) Yes, medications only do so much, but if she's in such despair, the medications still aren't right. The medications should get a person at least to the point where they see that they CAN have a better and different life. At that point is seems worth putting in an effort.

    I agree that inpatient sounds about right. Short of that, be gentle on her and yourselves. The more you push the issues on her and create conflict, the more she can/may/will convince herself that she is living in a hostile world.

    What does she like (used to like)? Movies, music? Anything that can be turned on in the background to have something positive going on? She might protest and tell her she doesn't have to listen, but you are leaving it on.

    When my son was at his darkest, he would just lie on the couch in the living room. He loves Lego sets and I didn't have any spare ones, so I used the next best thing - Knext sets. I would sit down open one up and start building. He'd start yelling at me, telling me not to expect him to participate. I told him I didn't, I wanted to build the sets. Within a half hour he'd be helping me. Then I'd sneak away, and by the time he was done building a set, he was un-depressed enough to do some homework and/or play on the computer. Only lasted a few hours, but that was a few hours more of reasonable functioning. Fortunately for us, the Abilify worked almost instantly for him so once he got on that it was easier. At that point he was able to learn the skill I was teaching him with the Kinext - do something. Do anything. It just may get your mind out of that dark place.
     
  5. lonelyroad

    lonelyroad New Member

    Inpatient isn't available in the area we live in....I had asked about that...the school plan was to get her in the building and they would do the rest...which means sticking her in an office with no work, so they are failing at their part...
     
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry that there isn't any inpatient where you live. Is there any with-in driving distance. She seems so low right now and I know how hard that is to watch.

    As for school would there be some alternative right now since it is such a stressor? One thing that helped with our easy child/difficult child was that she ended up switching to an alternative high school. It had a completely different focus and also all new students.

    Sending gentle hugs your way.
     
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Where is the closest inpatient? I know I had to drive 45 minutes daily to see my son when he was inpatient, I think Te Do had to stay in a patient housing when her son was in... it is really hard when there is no where close. But what else can you do .... If the school does not actually have therapists working with her...are they treating her like it is her choice to be depressed?

    You must be beside yourself. I am so sorry. Where does your school service their kids who are on Emotional Disability IEP's???
     
  8. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    I am so sorry you are going through this. Is there any inpatient place within driving distance? Does your children's hospital have a psychiatric unit? I know I was driving 30+ minutes to see my difficult child everyday.

    It is very scary to see your child like this and feel so hopeless. I was in that place not long ago. Maybe a medication switch is needed.
     
  9. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Yes, Buddy, you are right. Our closest inpatient program was over 2 hours away (in the next state). difficult child 2 and I stayed at a Ronald McDonald House there. It was wonderful. They even provide food for the families.
     
  10. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Inpatient was often 90+ minutes away. It sounds like she really needs it. How far to the nearest psychiatric hospital?
     
  11. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    have you had her in for an emergency psychiatric evaluation? It is something I destest doing, but with the dystonic depression and suicidal ideation it sounds like it may be time, they would probably put her in. If she's never been in a hopsital before try and do some research and find out which are the better choices for your area and don't be afraid to tell them no to a placement if it's in a facility you're not comfortable with.

    AOG
     
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