My fugitive in jail! She is on her own.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Rhonda, Mar 25, 2009.

  1. Rhonda

    Rhonda slightly wilted Magnolia

    Well, it has been a heck of a two-weeks since my daughter ran from her warrant in MS to show up here in CA with 3 tag-a-longs.

    Of all of them my difficult child found a job first! Well first day at work her lovely friends dropped her at work (living in hotels for two weeks) and booked it back to MS.... She called me asking to stay here for a week or two until she decided what to do. That was Saturday. She has been fine.. worked.. stayed here. No trouble.. no going out until last night! Then she said she was going to hang out down town for a little while and would be back. Havent seen her since.. that was 3:00pm yesterday!

    Started tracing her phone calls and no one knew where she was, I was terrified. I called the police and guess what? She was arrested last night for burglary! She cut her ankle and was taken to the hospital and then booked and is in the county jail. They had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to open some sort of account for her to get candy and chips!!! I laughed at them and asked if she gets 3 meals a day and they said yes. I then said that is all she needs. I then hung up and started crying! I hate my weakness!

    Well I knew it would happen sooner or later. She did not even call me with any of her 3 calls she was given. Hurts to be a parent that cares. She did not call her dad either. Half of me is so hurt and devastated.. her DNA will be on a criminal file all her life now.. the other half is glad she is safe, well safer than she was on her own. I know where she is at least. And then there is the part that is broken because she did not turn to me even in this situation... it is so hard to know and accept that you are not needed or wanted at all. Being a Mom can really be a terrible thing sometimes.

    Oh well, I will get over it. Now I am afraid she will call and ask for help and I will actually have to say "sorry, honey, can't".

    Her bail is $10,000.. and not for one minute would I put up the $1,000 needed for a bondsman. She has already skipped bail in MS. I am sick. But I am better off than I was two weeks ago and than many others out here. For the first time in months I actually know where she is tonight

    Rhonda - so sad, so sad, hope is fleeting...
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2009
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I'm so very sorry Rhonda. I know your heart is broken. I wish I could take your pain away. :(
  3. Dollhouse

    Dollhouse Guest

    Rhonda --

    How were you weak?? OMG, you were not at all. If you were "weak" as you say, you would have opened the candy account or you would have posted bail for the bondsman. Do you say that because you let her stay for a few days? I think I would have done the same. I have no words to even try to comfort you; I cannot even imagine your situation.

    Of course you care about your daugher; regardless of what she's done, she's still a human being AND she's a human being that you gave birth to. Yes, being a mother is hard at times -- wait, it can be down-right devastating, but we care about our children, even with all of their faults (and they can be doozies).

    As you said, at least you know she is safe in jail and you know where she is. Would you be able to get information on her sentencing for the burgalary. Would they still release her even though she has a warrant in another state?

    My prayers and thoughts are with you.

  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I'm sorry, Rhonda. This has to be difficult. If she was arrested for burglary, do you know if the authorities have figured out she's a fugitive, too?

  5. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Just a hug from a mom who has been there done that.
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Sending hugs and support. This is what we went through with Dude. He was tried as an adult at 16. What is going to come down the road for you? Very stressful. Please take it from me and do everything you can to find time to forget about your kid if even for an hour and destress. I had a stroke when this happened to our family. (literally)

    Laws are different from state to state, but I can tell you that the thought of doing serious prison time has kept Dude in check. Maybe it will do the same for your daughter. We can hope.

    Hugs for your hurt.
  7. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Hugs to you. You handled everything so beautifully--I do not see you as weak at all! And she probably did not call you because she was ashamed or afraid of your disapproval. You are awesome!
  8. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    Hi Rhonda -

    I am so very sad for you. I don't have any advice. Just wanted you to know that I am sorry. Hang in there OK?
  9. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I am so sorry! Boy, I can relate to what you are going through on so many levels!!! It all sounds so familiar, even down to the $10,000 bail!!! That is exactly how much my daughter's bail is. She is also on the run and skipped out on another warrant as well. It really stinks, I know. But like you said, at least you can rest at night knowing she is safe and controlled. I can't wait for that day. I can't wait for my daughter to be caught.

    I agree, being a mom really stinks sometimes. For mom's like us, most of the time. Janet said it best, no one can hurt us like our children can!!!

    I am so sorry for your sadness. Hopefully your daughter will take this time in jail and reflect, decide to make major changes in her life and move forward when she gets out. Hopefully this was her bottom. She is lucky to have a mom like you. I will keep you in my prayers.

    Hang in there.

  10. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    I don't think you're weak either, who wouldn't be crying?

    I would look at her not calling you as a sign of respect or awareness that you won't be manipulated into doing things for her. I know how you feel about being glad that at least she's in off the street.
  11. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think you are incredibly strong, actually. I am so sorry for your pain, however. Hugs.
  12. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Another one here who admires your strength and humanity. How could you NOT cry? How did you get so strong so fast?

    I'm still waiting for the Law to catch up with my kid. When they get him, I will refuse to help him. He needs that flash of reality that the rules were meant for him too.
  13. Rhonda

    Rhonda slightly wilted Magnolia

    Thanks so much for all the hugs and caring.

    Bran - you are so right. I can honestly say that I feel a huge weight off of me. The weight that I never could quite get rid of, worry! Even if you can shed the guilt and shame and all the other irrelevant things that we put on ourselves, you worry.

    Strong? Fast? hmmm... nope not me.. I do try to hold on to my moments of sanity though. I cried last night but this morniing I woke up mad as could be.

    I called and asked about her court date which has still not been set. I cannot see her unless she stays throught the weekend and then I am allowed in from 3-4 pm Sunday. I also made sure they know about her skipping bail in MS. I want her to face everything. I do not want to be dealing with this forever. Part of me thinks that if the police dont connect the two crimes then it is not my job to do it for them. The other part says, she is my daughter and I have to do what I think is best for her, whether she likes it or not. I think it is best for her to deal with everything now.

    Is it awful for me to hope they make her stay for a while, like until she grows up? I can open my Sundays up and visit for quite a while if need be! And then actually get some sleep during the week.

    I am gathering all of her medical information together to take to the court. I hope they will make her go to a program that includes therapy. I on the other hand will be coming here for my therapy!

    Thank you all again!
  14. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Mad is a good thing!
  15. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Tears are not a sign of weakness they are a sign of sorrow of compassion and love. I am sorry you are going through this and as another who has been there done that I agree witl Steely that you need to relax and resore yourself and live your life even though it is hard. Make a huge effort to have fun and take care of yourself. You are both relieved and shocked right now there are a whole mess of conflicting emotions going around in your head and all need to be delt with. Use this down time to heal yourself. Your daughter willb e out of prison in a few months and then you will need all your strength. If you need it there are support groups for the families of those in prison. Otherwise a good therapist might be something to consider so you have someone to talk to without leaning too heavily on friends and family and inadvertantely sabotaging your "fun" people contacts. -RM
  16. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Stay strong, Rhonda! Sending many hugs.
  17. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Absolutely! You are not weak. I would have done the same thing. In fact, I called the police today and told them they need to pick my son up instead of giving him tickets. I would rather him be in jail - because that seems like the only solution right now - than on the street doing whatever he wants and getting by with it. I have turned my son in time and time again to the authorities when all else failed and cried my eyes out leaving him in jail. It is the hardest thing I have ever done - I just dont want to bury him. Jail is not where I would want him either but when you think about it - it is controlled - meals - place to sleep - company - what more could you ask for - right?!
  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im sorry Im a little late to this party. This seems to be an event our little wonders just have to force us to endure...sigh. I personally hate cages but my son had to learn the hard way. He thought rules werent meant for him. Ha!

    Im sorry that you are being dragged into this club. It really really bites. Oh...on the may want to rethink that in the next week or so. While they do get 3 meals a day, they arent very good meals. They also dont get things like toothbrushes or deoderant. I used to put like 10 bucks a week on Corys account. That would buy him Little Debbies and maybe a couple of bags of chips.
  19. Rhonda

    Rhonda slightly wilted Magnolia

    Question... Is there a way to let the court know that she has a disorder and to get them to take it into account? Maybe force her into counseling/therapy? while she is in jail or if they let her out while she is on probation?

    The court here does not show that she is wanted in another state. I am calling tomorrow to have those records sent to them. Is that awful? Part of me thinks that it is her problem and I have no business forcing her to face something she ran away from....I should let it kick her in the rear whenever it finally does(only a small part) the rest of me could care less and wants her hit slam in the face with everything she has been caught at!

    Thanks.. rhonda
  20. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I doubt that she will get mental health intervention but, I suppose, it is possible. Some jails have drug/alcohol programs but even those are a bit least around here.

    Regarding her warrant I think I know what will happen if you do try to transfer it. I have not had this experience but I know of people who have faced the issue. Even from county to county, the infraction is not moved out of the jurisdiction. In other words, if she has a warrant 100 miles away and the locals are aware of it she probably would be transferred to the city of origin. One of the CD family members had a son with warrants in three or four places. He served his sentence at home and then was taken to the first place where he was sentenced and served the sentence and then on to the second place. It made for a very very long time of incarceration and it was for a series of misdemeanor charges that if in the same place would have been totaled for substantially less time.

    Good luck. DDD