And to be quite honest, I'm getting sick of it. Every time they are around each other I end playing peacekeeper, but then I'm put in a position where I can't make either one of them happy and usually they both end up p!issed off. Then I'm the one to hear about it from both sides. My mom came up yesterday for what was supposed to be a nice, leisurely visit. Right off the bat, my mom gets really mad that I'm taking Buster out to go potty. There is a reason for that. Buster doesn't see Wynter as the boss like he does me and he 1) doesn't potty for her and 2) runs from her. It's not a big deal. If I don't mind doing it, I have NO idea why she would mind. She's seeing it that Wynter isn't owning up to her responsibilities in taking care of Buster and said she doesn't do anything with him, doesn't feed him, blah, blah, blah. Which is completely untrue. The ONLY thing I do with Buster is taking him out to potty. Wynter feeds him, bathes him, takes him for walks, brushes him, etc. She was just making this leap with no facts to back it up. (Oh, and by the way, if it had been Devon she would have been offering to take the dog out for him and it would have been totally ok.) And it just went from there. Wynter couldn't do anything right and so she does what any 13 year old does. She became a brat. And she is very good at it. Let me back up a little. Devon has always been the favorite. My mom and I had HUGE issues until Devon was about 12 years old with boundaries when it came to Devon. She never has taken as much interest in Wynter as she has/does with Devon. It's apparent to everyone, including Wynter. Wynter has voiced it to me. That's a big part of the reason that Wynter has so much resentment towards my mom. Plus, my mom has never been good with the mental health issues. She didn't get any help for me until I was 16 years old and was in a severe, severe depression and was self-injuring. When I was admitted to the psychiatric hospital in 2002 with a psychotic depression she was p!ssed at me and asked me what I was going to do to get myself out of this predicament. Like it was just a stunt that had gone too far or something. She's gotten better about it and has tried to learn about it, but she still doesn't really "get it". She still thinks if you go for a walk you're going to feel all better. So, she doesn't get Wynter's severe anxiety and her EFD issues. She told me today that she was so upset that she couldn't sleep last night and she sees Wynter doing this Goth thing and she's going to end up being a "freak" and she sees her doing drugs in the next year or two. She said there is no accountability and that I just always make excuses for her. I told her that I resented that. That I don't make excuses for her, but that I pick my battles otherwise our entire day would be a battle. It's not that I don't hold Wynter accountable. I just let some things go while we work on one area and will address it later. Not only is that what the therapists in the past have recommended, I also do it out of sheer self-preservation. Good, bad, or otherwise I simply could not survive in a house that was one big battle. Or more of a battle than it is already. I told my mom that she is making a lot of progress and reminded her what Wynter had said earlier in the day that she was hoping that therapy would really help with her anxiety so she could go back to regular school. I also told her that the Goth thing is not a "freak" thing and that was my daughter she was talking about. It's not as out there as it used to be. It's become much more mainstream. She kept on about how I make excuses for her. That she should be doing more; that I'm sick. And I reminded her how when I was so sick with heart disease so severe that I should be dead right now and my 15 year old son was telling me that I was "lazy, selfish and irresponsible" that she was backing him up. Like I all of a sudden just became this lazy person and didn't care about anything and that it was ok for Devon to talk to me that way. I love my mom. But I've always taken exception to the differences in the way she treats my son vs my daughter. I also realized, however, that it is just how she is and nothing I do is going to change it. But, this whole thing with Devon can do no wrong and Wynter can do no right bothers me. A lot. And her going on about me making excuses for my daughter with how she treated me in regards to my son (long history - basically she criticized every bit of my parenting of him and then some) - and excusing my son's behavior towards me when I was so sick before...I don't know. How do you get past that? I've always felt like I can never do anything right in my mom's eyes. She never gets it when I was so severely depressed or when I was so sick with heart disease - she acted like I was just being lazy or something. This is why the heart attack was so validating. It was, see....told you I was sick. Why could she never just believe me? Why do I need a "doctor's note"? I've never been a trouble maker or a slacker or any of those things. This whole thing has brought up a lot of issues and I'm really not sure how I feel right now. I love my mom. That's not going to change. I really can't talk to her about this because she always goes on the defensive and she always manages it to twist it around and absolves herself of any responsibility when in reality every relationship is a two way street. Sigh. I just needed to get this out. I was hoping it would help me sort it out and work through it. Didn't happen. Any insight or thoughts are appreciated.