need help, violent 15yo

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by totallystitchn, Sep 17, 2014.

  1. totallystitchn

    totallystitchn New Member

    My daughter has aspergers but i'm pretty sure she actually has something else. she is 15. my parents raised her (against my will.. cas) and i just got custody of her in december because she was abusing my mother who is disabled. since she has been here she has continued to be more and more aggresive and tonight she straight out attacked me every way she could. i called 911 for the 5th or 6th time since the beginning of august. this time i insisted they either charge her or take her. i have 3 small children in my home. so they took her back to my parents for tonight only and tomorrow they are supposed to find her a foster home. I don't know how that is going to work. i am going to push for a treatment center or something like that. she needs help with her mental health. i need information to help me get them to put her somewhere where she can actually get help. i'm in northern ontario if that helps any. the worker knows that she is violent. i have been asking for help for months.
     
  2. totallystitchn

    totallystitchn New Member

    i have tried bringing her to the hospital here and admitting her but they won't because they don't have any kind of psychiatrist or specialist to deal with mental health problems in kids and they don't have beds available for stuff like that either...
     
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  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome totallystichn to our corner of the world. I'm sorry things are so rough right now. I think it is good you told them to charge her or take her. Will you mom be safe with her there tonight? I am glad she will be out of your house so that you and the three small children are safe.

    I wish I had some information that would help but I really do not have any idea how the Canadian system works. Sending gentle hugs your way.
     
  4. totallystitchn

    totallystitchn New Member

    thanks for the support.. I don't know if my mom is going to be okay for the night or not, but she is the one who said okay to letting her stay there the night. i called to check on her and difficult child was yelling at her and bossing her around so i'm sure she is having a hard time.
     
  5. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Yup that was and currently is my situation, except my daughter is 18. You're not alone, I know exactly how you feel, except I have been dealing with this for the last five years. My daughter is not autistic, but same behavior of being aggressive, violent and bossing around. She's about to learn tho. It's a matter of time. I'm not dealing with it much longer.
     
  6. totallystitchn

    totallystitchn New Member

    tbh i don't think she even has autism but i'm not a dr and they don't seem to listen anyway. her father, aunts and grandmother all have borderline personality disorder... seems to me like that is what she has because she was never behind when she was younger, never did the classic autistic things that my difficult child 2 does or had the comprehension issues he has... i finally got her refered to a psychiatrist but now she is gone so i hope that is followed through with. they came this morning to discuss a plan. the plan they wanted to put in place was for her to come back here and i said no. so they placed her with my parents again which is a horrible idea.. they agreed to one week only. they said there are no foster homes here that will take her as she is... and they told me to get her formed at the hospital. the problem is when she snaps, it's only for a short period and then she is hateful afterwards but reasonable for 'other people' to talk to, so by the time we get her to a dr they just see a frustrated girl who tells them how hard she is trying to be good and how mom (or gramma) is so difficult and unreasonable..
     
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  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How are things going?
     
  8. Katherine61

    Katherine61 Running on empty

    I'm new to this site and readings from others tell me I'm not alone. Sending a big hug. I too have found if you do not have a paper trail when you try to get help for our children you are truly turned away. When things really turn south, they want to ask why didn't you get this child help. Finding Doctors/therapist/any specialist that deals with these types of disorders is hard to find. My son was first diagnosed with Asperger then a year later was changed to Passive Aggressive, Anti-Social Trait, and Conduct Disorder. You know they are suppose to be the experts, but they give up these diagnoses then send us on our way to suffer alone.
    This is way I'm grateful I have found this site and am able to vent and maybe there is someone else out there who has been able find that specialist who is able to help.
     
  9. Katherine61

    Katherine61 Running on empty

    Good morning, how's things going? I have found doctors don't want to listen unless the child is in a meltdown. When they hear us the parents/grandparents tell what is going on or what has happened, they look at us as if we are the ones who need hospitalization. It seems if we don't have the things our children doing on video tape they just dismiss what is happening or just don't want to deal with the problem.
    When we took our son to acute care about a month ago, they discharged him in 7 days. It was 7 days of calm in our home. But when I went to pick my son up the therapist from the acute care center says, "you know your son flies under the radar." "REALLY" (has become one of my favorite words) She was ask, "ok what now, where do we go for help for him, can you PLEASE give me some advise on what to do and where to go now?" She just responses with, "take him back the therapy, and keep him calm." I thought to myself, "keep him calm, who is going to keep me calm." They kept my child for 7 days and could tell me no more than what I knew when he went in.
    About a week later we found a suicide, runaway letter he had written. Call back and to another acute care facility and they tell me there are no beds. 'REALLY" The only people who know what is happening with our children are, "US"
    Last week my son had an appointment with his therapist and she is cutting him loose. She said, "I cannot do anything for R, he is just here, but she is willing to see my husband and myself for support."
    Yesterday, I spent the whole day, from 8 A.M. till 3 P.M. trying to find another psychiatrist and or therapist to see my son. Did I have any luck, NO. The only place I was able to get any response from was the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. They are putting his case before the board to see if he is a candidate for their program. If they do decide he is a candidate I will have to drive 1000 miles to probably be told keep doing what you are doing. "Keep him calm."
    What makes all this so bad is, my son will sit there and tell all these people exactly what he is doing. I've come to the conclusion these "specialist" really don't know what to with children like ours. The only time there will be any intervention is when these kids step over the line and do something criminal, that's when they will decide there is something wrong. Then they are going to want to play the blame game. It's the parents/grandparents fault for not getting them help.
    Keep your chin up and know we as a community are here with you.
     
  10. totallystitchn

    totallystitchn New Member

    no help has happened as of yet. i finally got a call back from the dr with an appointment time for her and i made sure that the lady booking the appointment knew i wanted to see the actual doctor and talk to him for real not just have the nurse come in and tell me everything is okay and do nothing to help. my daughter is staying at my parents still and I don't know if she is going to come back here now that she is mad at me. they are basically doing what you do, keeping her calm by buying her things and giving her stuff which is totally against what i think they should do but that is their call. i don't know if the doctor is really going to help or not, but we also have that referral to a psychiatrist to hopefully one or the other will step up with all the evidence we now have. i wish my parents would have stood by me when i told them we both had to stand together and force cas to get her the help she needs. i hate that they all went behind my back together to plan a meeting and not invite me, and to change the plan with out my consent and it seems like i have no say now in what happens because she is there now and not here... it's frustrating.. but on the plus side it's been way less stressful here with her being gone. mind you i still have 3 kids here and one of those has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)/Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) but it's an improvement anyway.
     
  11. Katherine61

    Katherine61 Running on empty

    I'm so happy for you that you were able to get an appointment. :) The best of luck to you!! I can understand what her grandparents are doing, (it's a pacifier for them, not the child) but as soon as they say no to her, they themselves will then be on her bad side. No is not a word these children take very well.
    This day for me has just started off with a bang!!! I not in the best place right now. Just got off the phone with a psychiatrist who suggested I go to a place that will inpatient my son to get a true diagnoses. Called the two places he gave me and the response was, "you know you are so far away are you willing to relocate your family for help for you child?" "REALLY!" Do any of these suppose to be specialist really understand how we (all of us) feel and all we want is help for our children.
     
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