Hi, asking you to read yet another email. This came from gfg32's girlfriend today and has me feeling bad, sad, worried & shaky. Thanks for all advice and wisdom. ********************************************** Hi (my name), I know we haven't talked in several weeks. I know you haven't been speaking to gfg32 either. I have to tell you, I'm very concerned about him. When he came back to (state he is now in) he had nothing. I let him stay with me for two weeks until I moved last week. He is currently staying in a motel, paying a weekly rate. I've helped him as much as I can, financially. We talk every day. He is devastated right now. He feels abandoned and frankly I don't blame him. My family has always given unconditional love and support to each of its members. Even when they have made mistakes, struggled with addiction, been jobless, been incarcerated, etc. (yes all of these has been present in my extended family) Never has anyone in my family (my grandparents, my parents, aunts, uncles) "detached" from any family member. I know with 100% certainty that my parents and grandparents would never ever leave me alone. They would never detach. No matter what. As a licensed therapist, I have to say that "detachment" in these scenarios is not helpful, warranted or effective. Not only that, but I believe what is going on between you and gfg32 is avoidance, not detachment. I think it is easier to avoid the difficult feelings that arise when your child makes mistakes, lies or disappoints you. You may feel disgusted, guilty, betrayed... difficult child is 32, but he is your child. You are his mother. He needs love. He needs you. Am I saying you should enable him? No. Enabling and supporting someone are similar but ultimately different. Gfg32 has not smoked (spice) in two months. I know this for a fact. He has gone to labor ready every morning for the past 8 days, and has only been given one day of work. If he were to get a fast food job or something similar, he would not get paid for 2-3 weeks and would face literal homelessness while waiting for a paycheck. He needs support. Someone to help him help himself. When you are starting from nothing, it is very nearly impossible to turn your life around on your own, without support from family and other loved ones. I have no money now, no job either yet. My family has paid for me to move, because a choice I made to move away without being financially stable ended up having negative consequences. A series of MY poor financial and some poor personal choices has cost them several thousand dollars. But they have brought me out of the mess I made and are supporting me while I make every effort to start over. I wish that you would do the same for gfg32. I love him, deeply. My biggest hope is that he can renew himself and that he will be my partner throughout life.